Why did he lie?

    • Why did he lie?

      Hi, i'm just going to make this short.
      Today i went onto my bf's phone to text my mum coz my phone was dead only it's an iphone so i'm not very good at working the thing. I pressed mail thinking it was texts or whatever and it turned out to be his email. Yeah i read the email that was on there maybe i shouldn't have but i was only being nosy i guess. Anyway the email was from his best mate Amber, i don't mind him having girl mates as i have a few guy mates. The text said something like thank you for the other night it was good to chat, and Hannah (me) just expects us to be the same as we was before, she's not really talking to me and she's pissing me off.
      I was quite hurt but i know he needs to talk about things to his friends, i do it.
      Now i asked him when the last time he saw her was. He said before he went to Afghan which was about 3 months ago, this email was recent so i know he was lieing. I also asked whether he ever spoke about us to any of his friends, problems and all that, he then told me he doesn't it's nothing to do with them and he even swore on my life he doesn't.
      Why didn't he just admit that he saw her and he spoke to her about our probs. Why did he need to lie and swear on my life about it.
      I was really upset coz if i hadn't have read those emails and then i would have blieved him. I'm really hurt.
      Anyone hav any answers?
      Thanks.
      x

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Maybe he doesn't want to upset you and he thinks lying about it means its ok because he doesn't know you've read his email.
      Just tell him you dont mind him havng friends that are girls and sharing his problems with others. Tell him you do it. And you would prefer it if he just tells you the truth from now on.

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    • Re: Why did he lie?

      I dont really have the answers. But i think there's something wrong because he started lying. Try to talk to him ,and tell him what you've just found out. So that he can also have his side regarding the matter. No one really knows why he actually told you about certain things way too different of what really is real, but whatever it is, he prolly has his own reason so try to really have a heart to heart talk with him. Open communication may likely settle things.

      But if you're still dubious, then there's a trust issue so you have to decide what do you want to do next. If you'd still hold on or let go. But always look on the brighter side of life. be positive ;) goodluck and take care :) Godbless dear
      <3

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Jamelae ().

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Hey Hannah!

      Well, maybe he's telling the truth (about him not
      seeing her recently) for the email said "thank you
      for the other night it was good to chat" which doesn't
      necessarily mean that they met up -- but talked on
      the phone.

      Anyways, that's what curiosity does to a person.
      When you find something out, one thing leads to
      another and eventually, it just falls apart. Remember
      that they're bestfriends and bestfriends talk. Don't
      get so hung up about the situation, it's not like he
      really talked bad about you or anything. Sure he lied,
      but you seem to have put him on the spot as if you
      really don't trust him by asking him questions about
      his bestfriend.

      Honesty is what builds up a healthy relationship. You
      should really try talking to him about the email. He
      didn't intend on hurting you. <3
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    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Hi :)
      You know, sometimes people have to decide whether
      they should do what is right, but at the end of the day,
      there is a fine line between what is right, and what is
      real. The right thing to do would have been to tell you
      the truth, that he is close to his female friends and all
      that, but from my past experience I know that a confession
      of that sort would cause untold amounts of jealousy,
      whether just a bit or a lot.
      He didn't tell you because he wanted to spare your
      feelings. Why else would he lie about something like
      that? He doesn't want you to get jeaous - I've done
      the exact same thing before. At the time I had a girl
      friend, Rach, and an ex, Allie, who was still my best
      friend. Me and Allie talked to each other about every
      thing, and we never held anything back from each
      other - but I told Rachael that me and her hardly talked,
      because I knew that Rach would probably get jealous
      and get the wrong idea.
      That's how I know what's going on. He is only trying
      to be nice - using a well-known quote from Miracle
      on 34th Street (yes, I'm THAT sad) "What's better? A
      lie that draws a smile...or a truth that draws a tear?"
      He was trying to spare your feelings, and you should-
      n't judge him on this action.
      Hope I helped :)
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      [LEFT][SIZE=4]Reality, madness or lies?[/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Honestly though, you shouldn't have looked
      through his email in the first place, let alone
      question about it. Talk to him about this whole
      situation <3
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    • Re: Why did he lie?

      ImNotATree wrote:

      Honestly though, you shouldn't have looked
      through his email in the first place, let alone
      question about it. Talk to him about this whole
      situation <3

      Very true. To be fair, everyone has
      the right to their own privacy, and
      you shouldn't have looked through
      his messages...if you hadn't looked
      through them, then you wouldn't
      have known about him talking to his
      friend and lying to you, so you would
      feel better. See? Violating his privacy
      has not only been bad to him, but
      has also made you feel like crap -
      sorry if that seems a little harsh, but
      you have to admit, it was a bad thing
      to do, and now you know why
      :)
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]My mind turns to metal, its gears are turning,[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]And my sanity withers and dies.[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]This world all around me, it's bitter and twisted;[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]Reality, madness or lies?[/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      How do you know it was easy for him to
      lie to you? You never know, if could have
      hurt him too.
      But that's beside the point. What you need
      to remember is, he did it for a good reason.
      He would go as far as lying to spare your
      feelings; is that not a good thing? As long
      as he never cheats on you, and he always
      trusts you, and he doesn't lie to you to
      hide away a bad thing he has done, then
      you have a healthy relationship :)
      I know it's difficult to believe. Sometimes
      lies can be bitter and resentful, mainly for
      the person being lied to. You really need
      to make sure that you don't make too
      much of a big deal out of this because
      you could throw away a perfectly good
      relationship here - and you won't forgive
      yourself if that happens.
      You will be alright, honestly, he will be
      fine; he did it for a good reason.
      Please try to forgive him :(
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]My mind turns to metal, its gears are turning,[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]And my sanity withers and dies.[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]This world all around me, it's bitter and twisted;[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]Reality, madness or lies?[/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Well first off, you shouldn't have been reading that email. By not telling him that, you yourself are lying too. Personally, I also think it's none of your business to know who he talks to and when he talks to others about any problems in your relationship. For me and my boyfriend, it's kind of redundant to ask the question. If you know who his best friend is and who he usually talks to when he has problems, the question really doesn't need to be asked.

      So, I think either you tell him you went through his email and that you didn't appreciate what he did by lying (make note that you BOTH did something wrong here) or you can just let it go and confront him if it happens again.
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    • Re: Why did he lie?

      captain_kurenai wrote:

      Well first off, you shouldn't have been reading that email. By not telling him that, you yourself are lying too. Personally, I also think it's none of your business to know who he talks to and when he talks to others about any problems in your relationship. For me and my boyfriend, it's kind of redundant to ask the question. If you know who his best friend is and who he usually talks to when he has problems, the question really doesn't need to be asked.

      So, I think either you tell him you went through his email and that you didn't appreciate what he did by lying (make note that you BOTH did something wrong here) or you can just let it go and confront him if it happens again.

      At least this lass has some sense, eh? xD
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]My mind turns to metal, its gears are turning,[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]And my sanity withers and dies.[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]This world all around me, it's bitter and twisted;[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [LEFT][SIZE=4]Reality, madness or lies?[/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      he probably lied to make you feel better, as far as he knew you had no idea he was talking to his friends, and so he had no reason to tell you he was, he probably thought you were gonna get angry if you knew he was telling his friends about your relationship, and so he lied, you should take it as a sign of him caring about your relationship, it might have been a dumb way of showing it, but atleast he cares.




      also, guys are not the only ones who lie and scheme..... it annoyes me when people generalise, because for one, everyone lies and EVERYONE schemes, even girls, infact girls are just as bad for it as boys.


      but yeh, white lie, get used to it, he'll tell you alot more of them over the course of your relationship, surely youve told little lies to him to keep him happy?

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Shwelp, I agree that it's possible that they may have spoken on the phone or chatted online, so having not seen the person in quite awhile may not be a lie... Talking about the relationship you have may or may not be a lie, but either way, it's probably up to you to decide whether or not he said what he said to keep from hurting your feelings.

      And yeah, getting the whole thing straightened out with him would be best imo... There's only one thing I can think of why you wouldn't... he may be less trustful of you, considering you read his email and this may cause some friction in your relationship,

      but then again, you'd be admitting what you'd done, and therefore telling a truth rather than keeping secrets, so it may be a good thing in that respect..... and if you keep thinking about it yourself, this stress you have may be causing some friction in your relationship due to these worried/secretive thoughts...

    • Re: Why did he lie?

      firstly, i see people have been giving you a bit
      of a hard time for looking through his mail. i
      have done this before too but not to a boyfriend,
      just friends. you know the saying 'eyes are the
      windows to the soul' .. personally, i do believe
      that peoples inbox's are the windows to the soul.
      corny i know, but its true! i think if your boyfriend
      knew first that you did look through his inbox, i
      doubt he would've lied to you because he would've
      known there was no point. well, i think what you
      need to do now is tell him about what you did, but
      dont just tell him, you need to tell him that you know
      you did wrong by looking through his emails ..

      i think after you apologise and let him know you know
      that you did wrong and then maybe after that, he will
      also possibly admit that he's done wrong by lying to you.

      however, i do agree with whoever said above that just
      because she said it was good to chat, doesnt mean they
      met up or whatever, it could've been on msn, phone, skype,
      whatever. I think you need to clear that up first.

      good luck with it & dont forget to let us all know how
      it worked out. hope this has been some help to you.
      hugs. :hugs:
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    • Re: Why did he lie?

      Personally I think you should just forget about it altogether, theres a reason why he reckons something is wrong with the relationship - fix it first before you start any new problems.
      This is just me but, if I was having problems with my GF and suddenly she also springs it on me that shes been reading my email, then I'd be peeved, honestly I'd probably use this as an excuse to end it.
      Fix your old problems before starting new ones.
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