Look, I can't stand myself. I have severe anger issues that have permanatly wrecked my relationship with my brother and sister. They really don't like me. Everytime I have a complaint, it's bitching and I am known by my closest friends as the guy with anger issues and bitches and plays too much. Other people seem me totoally different. That's who I want to be. I got great friends, I just don't want other friends to see that messed up side. My sister says Ill end up in jail one day and called me a future wife beater. My bro said If I were to die, he would not shed a tear. I don't know if he meant that but messed up either way. I have a caring side, I can't hate. Too bad people never see it. I can't even get a girlfriend. Maybe because my face is messed up beyond repair with acne and ance scars.

I play highschool football. I put my time into it, I want to play. Last year all that meant nothing as I was a benchwarmer and everyone knows that which is very embarrasing. I thrive this year, I thrive to play so bad. Today was the first day of camp. I did not want to do o-line. I went for tightend and dropped almost every pass. I coulden't wait for it to be over. I could hear the kids saying ''Guard.'' One stupid a hole said ''Hey buddy, I think your a guard.'' Cracking up. This killed my self esteem. I don't want to do O-line. D line is good but not o-line. Should I keep trying or should I return to o-line like last year. Maybe that's my place or something. It would beat embarrasing myself. Then again I had noe experience in that position. I don't know what to do.