All over again.

    • All over again.

      On my 11th birthday my mum and dad separated. It was the hardest time of my life, I wasn't sure whether I was moving out of the house my dad owned or whether he would. I wasn't sure what my life was going to be about.
      I hardly saw my dad from this point onwards and before I knew it he had a "new family of his own". I have never healed and I'll forever have scars. My mum never settled down, she was always dating somebody and I never liked any of them probably because I felt I had to hate them for my dads sake.

      3 years ago mum met a man on online dating who she really liked. He sold his house, dad had sold his house (which we rented off him) and we moved to a small town living in the house this man had bought. I really liked him, he was like a real father to me. One I had missed out on since I was 11 years old.
      Don't get me wrong, I love my real dad and I do see him sometimes even though he lives on the other side of the country.
      Anyway, before this man my mother was used to going out to pubs, drinking, etc but when we moved she kind of settled down into housewife mode and ditched party going. This was mainly due to her not having any friends in this new town yet.

      Recently she has found an old friend that lives near us now who she has been hanging out a lot with. She's become less like the mum I love. She has a hard shell now. She's abrupt and would rather go to the pub then be at home.
      I commend her for getting back out there, she has a LOT more confidence now but my stepdad (they aren't married but he's like a dad anyway..) and my mum are very.. hostile towards each other.

      Mum said she can't stand being around him anymore
      My stepdad said mum's changed and he's going to kick her out or walk away.
      I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.
      I've been through this before. The splitting of furniture.. and hearts, the anger, the depression. The feeling of not belonging anywhere. They both talk me to me about it, both wanting me to help them but I can't do it. They both want too much from me. They've talked and it's got them nowhere so I don't know how they think I can help.
      This is affecting my school work too. I'm getting suspended for telling a teacher to fuck off. She drove me over the edge when I was already at breaking point.

      Mum is being selfish, my step dad is being stubborn. This is all going to end and I don't think I can do it again.
      [RIGHT]I miss you Dad.
      [/RIGHT]

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Medicate ().

    • Re: All over again.

      I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, that's got to be terrible.

      Have you spoken to your real father about any of this? Maybe he's be willing to take you in and provide for you until things settle down with her mom and her boyfriend.

      You said that your mom and her boyfriend have talked right?
      Have you talked to your mom's boyfriend about getting your mom some help,? because it seems like she needs some help so she can stop partying and drinking, ect.

      I think you should talk to your mom's boyfriend about that first, and then sit your mother down and talk to her. Ask her about getting help and offer to help her get help. Tell her why you want her to get help; because you love her and want your mom back, you want her to be healthy, ect.

      I think it would also be good to sit both of them down and talk to both of them about how you feel about what's been happening and what happened to you the first time it happened. When your parents spilt when you were 11. & kind of let them take it from there.

      Hang in there I'm sure everything will work out. :]
      PM me anytime.
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    • Re: All over again.

      Firstly, I am really sorry that you seem to be going through all of this again. It must have been hard enough the first time, and to predict going through it all again but be 100 times worse. So, you do have my empathy, and I can imagine how you must be feeling at the moment, especially as they both are coming to you for advice.

      There are a couple of options for you to consider. Obviously, at the end of the day, it's your decision on what you do. All I can do is try and think of some things you could do.

      You should talk to your dad about this, and what's going on. I am sure he won't really care too much about your mum, and I don't mean that in a horrible way, but when people split up or divorce, there is usually bad feeling there that never totally goes away. But, he will care about you, and what it's putting you through. He knows your mum better than most people, so maybe he can give you some tips or suggestions.

      A slightly more radical idea would be to possibly live with your dad, is that a possible thing to do? I don't know about practicality or anything, but if his life is more stable, and you think it would be less stressful - and you do say you love your dad - then if it's not going to be a horrible thing, maybe it's something to consider. I am sure the stress and anxiety this is causing you isn't good for you, or your school work, so changing the environment you're living in should help you.

      You could also, if you don't think you could live with your dad, talk to your mum next time you have chance, and try and make her see what all this is doing to you. People sometimes get so close and focussed on what's happening, they unintentionally become selfish and only see things from their point of view. Ask her if she ever thinks about things from your point of view. It might open her eyes a little.

      You do seem a very sensible girl, with your head screwed on, and so you'd not want your mum to stay with someone who she didn't like or want to be with just for the sake of it. But, she needs to think about things very carefully, and she also needs to think about you too.

      If you feel you can't talk to her about it face to face, write her a letter and express how you feel in that. I don't think being nasty or cheeky or anything will help, and you should keep calm and just stay with the facts.

      But hopefully, when she realises what it's doing to you, she can at least stop and consider your feelings for a second before making any rash decisions
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    • Re: All over again.

      Thank you guys so much, you have no idea how much your advice means to me and I've taken it all on board. At this point I'm willing to try anything.
      This is where it gets tricky. My real dad is also in a similar situation. My stepmum has told me that she might leave my dad if he doesn't get his act together. My dad is.. well he's generous but he's insensitive e.g not acknowledging my step mums 40th birthday, expecting her to do everything etc. And apart from that reason I also can't go live with him because 1. I don't have the money for the trip. 2. My stepbrother who tried to force his tongue down my throat is now living there. (he's a 18 year old deadbeat sick fuck and i can't stand him).

      I think it would be the wrong thing to do moving out because mum has always said "I'm her rock". I wish I wasn't, I wish she had other people she could lay her troubles on but she only has the person that made this situtation in the first place -- the friend.

      She's been so negative about everything lately, when my stepdad left the room she just had everything bad to say and i said "He's TRYING, which is more than can be said for you". She just looked at me in this evil way and I walked away. There's no getting through to her.
      [RIGHT]I miss you Dad.
      [/RIGHT]