Once, maybe twice a year (rarely twice) I like a girl. And when I mean like I don't mean just have a thing for her. I like her. A lot. As in have actual feelings. This happens gradually at first but then all of a sudden I realize I like them. Like actually like them. The first or second this time happened I got heartbroken. Literally devastated. However unlike a lot of people, I shove these emotions into a bottle in my mind and keep them in there until they evaporate (I cope by not coping). This or something similar has happened to every girl I've liked. Something has always gone wrong.

However I must confess. I am shy. I never let them know how I actually feel. Don't say "oh you should just tell them". It doesn't work like that. Things are always more complicated. I've never had a relationship. My flings just last a night or two (max has been like 4 days). I've never had a romantic relationship. But since I got broken for the first time about 2 years back I decided not to like anyone too much. I'd keep my distance and shut away emotions that are too strong.

But about a week or two ago I realized that I actually liked a good friend of mine (female). I would never be able to make any kind of move on her besides real casual moves because she is just friendly with everyone and I remember her saying she doesn't like to date friends. Things were going pretty well for a while though. But today I realized I've made the same mistake again. I liked a girl and I shouldn't have. Using my very keen insight and foresight I can see that she and a classmate/semi-friend of mine are going to hook up. To me it's obvious that he has a crush on her (via discrete, but very cheesy yet flirtatious pickup lines). And she REALLY didn't seem to mind it.

So there's no point to this thread. I just wanted to say what's on my mind. I like a girl and am very soon going to begin my normal "get over her" process. Kill all strong emotions and completely detach all romantic feelings toward her. Permanently. I already kind of began it automatically today (my mind does this automatically now). Towards the end of school I realized this. Then I became depressed (but I've gone through this so many times I didn't become as depressed as I have before). Just depressed. And then, nothing. I stopped all thought. I went to work and my mind was empty. My mind was blocking out thoughts. Occasionally thoughts would slip back in, but I'd force them out. So even now as I type this I am in an almost neutral state. It's starting to crack but I almost don't feel.

Once this "incident" ends I am going to make a vow:

To never EVER like a girl that I know personally. To never get attached to any girl for more than a brief period of time (usually max 1 or 2 days, several hours be best). Unless I'd find someone truly amazing that would by some miracle created by the teamwork of an angel and a spawn of satan, like me back.


Ok...nonsense is over...

Yeah. Like I said. I feel very strong emotion for a while. Then deep depression. And then nothing. Just an abyss of nothingness. No emotion. I kill it.

---------- Post added at 01:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:23 AM ----------



I'm more of a realist I'd say.

---------- Post added at 01:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:23 AM ----------



Much better than to tell anyone that I actually know. Though me and the internet have been good friends for quite a while now.

Not quite. I only [I][I]like[/I][/I] a girl about once a year. For a long period of time after that I'll have no romantic interest in anyone. And if I saw I was, I'd just create distance between us and almost avoid her. And no one ever knows how I feel or that I am depressed. I don't show it and I don't talk about it. I don't cry either. And I mean never. I can be emotionally devastated or fucked up physically and I don't cry. Haven't for I don't know how many years.