i used to be so happy like soo happy it was unreal. but now everythings different. i never want to go out with my friends anymore i HATE school i dont talk to my family anymore i just want to stay in my room forever on my own because i cant see anything changing or getting better and i cry at least twice everyday about my life because i have nothing!okk i live in a big house and have a family but thats not enough to make me emotionally happy it sounds ungreatful but the thing is my mum and dad used to have a lot of money to spend when i was about 5 - 13 now im getting older and i would actually put the money to good use my dad wont let my mum spend any of it because of the recession so hes put her on a budget and i cant buy ANYthing at all so really all i have is my own space. thats the only thing i can appriciate.
i always feel guilty after i eat and i am clueless at to why this is. i never want to eat carbohydrates but i am not fat and i know this for factual information that im not fat but i just cant eat them any more. ever. i never want to they make me angry! and if i do i do want to throw it up - i never have and never would but i want to all the time! i want to slit my wrists,, i used to when i was about 11 but i want to be a model when im older so i cant. i dont know why i feel like this because im not ugly im not fat but i just hate everything!!!!!!!! sometimes i just imagine what it would be like to be dead.
when i was younger also i suffered from anxiety and i hvent felt it since. but last night i was so anxious i just couldnt move and that was for the first time in years!!!!!
i always feel guilty after i eat and i am clueless at to why this is. i never want to eat carbohydrates but i am not fat and i know this for factual information that im not fat but i just cant eat them any more. ever. i never want to they make me angry! and if i do i do want to throw it up - i never have and never would but i want to all the time! i want to slit my wrists,, i used to when i was about 11 but i want to be a model when im older so i cant. i dont know why i feel like this because im not ugly im not fat but i just hate everything!!!!!!!! sometimes i just imagine what it would be like to be dead.
when i was younger also i suffered from anxiety and i hvent felt it since. but last night i was so anxious i just couldnt move and that was for the first time in years!!!!!