Introducing: The Bradshaw Model

    • Introducing: The Bradshaw Model

      Here is a very useful, and beneficial technique of communication I have learned in the past. The Bradshaw Model, can effectively reduce and neutralize any anger or any other emotions that you have with someone. You can use this on your mom,dad,friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, or any family members. This is proven to resolve any conflicts you have with someone, if you use it right. Also, this can be used by two people that has conflicts with each other. I will show you an example.

      Here is The Bradshaw Model.

      I saw - tell the person what you saw. ex: i saw you yelling at me.

      I felt - tell the person your belief and the emotion that comes with the belief. ex: I felt that I was being disrespected, which makes me angry and frustrated.

      I want - tell the person what you want (relevant to the topic). ex: I want for us to communicate better.

      I learned - tell the person what you learned. ex: I learned that yelling doesn't get no where and just makes the argument worse.

      Here is an example.

      Imagine this. A dad yells at his son for repeating the same mistake over and over again (let's just be general). They get into an argument. The Bradshaw model is not effective when you are in the heat of an argument. You cannot decide to use it because your emotions are overwhelming you, and if you still decide to use it while in the heat of an argument, you will use it for the wrong reasons i.e. to attack or insult the other person. You need to wait for yourself and the other person to calm down before using it. So the dad tells the son to take a 5-10 min break to cool off, and meet him in the living room in 10. The son can go listen to music or play some video games for 5-10 min to cool off, while the dad can go watch tv for 5-10 min. When both of them are calm and ready to resolve this conflict, they will meet each other in the living room. Before using this, you have to make sure you neutral and say it in a respectful, non-offensive manner. Your purpose is to tell the person where you're coming from, not to attack or hurt them.

      Here is an example of the dad using it.


      I saw - I saw that you were making the same mistake over and over again.

      I felt - I felt like I wasn't in control and couldn't get you to stop making those mistakes, which makes me feel frustrated.

      I want - I want for us to communicate better next time and not let our anger get the best of us.

      I learned - Arguing gets us nowhere.

      After the dad used it, it is now the son's turn.


      I saw - I saw that you were getting angry at me and yelling.

      I felt - I felt stupid for making the same mistake, I felt like i was being attacked and disrespected, which makes me feel frustrated.

      I want - I want to feel smart. I want for us to stop fighting over small things and communicate better. I want for us to have respect for each other.

      I learned - Arguing doesn't get us anywhere and makes the problem worse.

      After both the dad and son used it, there should no longer be any anger, frustration, or any other emotion towards one another.

      This is very effective for arguments, conflicts, grudges. This is not limited to only arguments, conflicts, or grudges. You can also use this for other purposes such as if you want to let out any emotions to someone. It doesn't have to be anger or frustration, it could be any other emotions.

      It doesn't have to be an argument, you could just use it to tell someone how you feel.

      It is important to stay silent but open, to what the other person is saying when they are using Bradshaw Model. It also helps if you acknowledge what they are saying by shaking your head, or letting them know you are listening. When they are done using it, you cannot say anything about what they just told you, for example if the dad finishes using it, and the son starts saying "that's not true" or "that's stupid" or "you're wrong", then Bradshaw Model will not work, and you will get into another argument. So do not say anything about it after the person is done, and when they are done, that's when it is your turn to use the Bradshaw Model.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by ScientificM1nD ().