Is it wrong not to want to see one of your parents?

    • Is it wrong not to want to see one of your parents?

      Ok so my parents have been divorced since I was two. My sister was eight months and my brothers were eight and five. When I was four my dad moved out of Canada and to the States. He had remarried and my step mom has five kids. And she hates thr four of us because we were taking up my dads time. So he stopped talking to me and my oldest brother. The other two still get regular emails. I don't get replys whenever I email him. My brothers don't go to see him unless it's Christmas but me and my sister have no choice until we're fourteen and I'm going to have to go until I'm sixteen because I can't leave my sister alone like that. I haven't spoken to him since January and now he emails my mom to say that he's coming up Friday and will pick us up from school. I almost cried when my mom told me. He hasn't made any attempt to call us since I was in grade five and I haven't gotten an email since grade six. I can't stand when ge comes up because he's constantly talking to his wife or playing poker. He's never been a dad to me he's just my father and he's barely been that ;(

    • Re: Is it wrong not to want to see one of your parents?

      You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Considering the situation, it's understandable. My parents are also divorced and I didn't like seeing my dad either. Up until about a year ago, I used to dread the times I would have to see him on holidays. I'm more indifferent now, though, since he's changed. I don't particularly like it, but I don't hate it either. Although I was never really forced to see him, I can understand where you're coming from. In my opinion, you have every right to feel the way you do.

      Have you tried talking to your dad about this whole thing, when you do see him? If not, maybe you should. Be blunt with how you feel and make sure he knows how this is affecting you. Or if you don't feel comfortable talking to him face-to-face about it, you can write him a letter and give it to him when you see him. In all honesty, it may not produce the results you hope for, but you never know. It's worth a shot and at least when you look back on it, you'll be able to say that you tried to have some sort of better father/daughter relationship. However, you know your situation better than I do, so if you don't want to do this, remember you're not obligated to. Just a suggestion. Though, it may take more than a letter or conversation for him to wake up and realize that he screwed up.

      You may also want to talk to your mom about how you're feeling. Maybe she can be of some support for you. If she doesn't know the whole extent of how your father is ignoring you and all that, I suggest you tell her. Either way, it's good to have someone you can talk to and if your mom is understanding, you can talk to her about it. If you really have no choice until you're 16, just hang in there and don't let this overcome you. It's hard, but you can get through it and be a stronger person from it. At some point, it will be easier to accept that he's not the father you deserve and it won't hurt as much.

      I hope this helped :hugs:
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    • Re: Is it wrong not to want to see one of your parents?

      Your text was hard to understand, but I was still able to read it.

      It's not wrong at all, I understand first-hand what your experiencing. My dad walked out on me and my mom when my little brother was born, he figured he could handle one kid, but the second one overwhelmed him and he shot out all the way to Africa where he married some young arfican girl and started another life. He never wrote, never called, never e-mailed, nothing.
      11 years later, when I turned 15 he decides that he fucked up and wanted to make up for his mistakes... but after being father-less for about 11 years I didn't give two shits about him. Now he's still trying to get into the minds of my little brother and sister(which isn't even his kid), but as for me he knows not to even speak to me.. it's completely normal. I felt abandoned by him, and after living my life without him, I feel as if I damn sure don't need him now.
      "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

    • Re: Is it wrong not to want to see one of your parents?

      We have talked to him we've flat out told him that we're done with his shit but he never changes he's put me in so many akward situations. Try having to explain to one of your mom why six different people tried to stab you while at your dads while having no supervision at the age of eight.And my dad didn't even just walk out on his kids. He left no way for his mom to contact him. When she had a stroke in august we all had to email him to make him come up. I've been through so much shit in my life and my dad fails to see any of it. When I was sitting in my room sobbing because my bestfriend had overdosed and barely survived he just completly blew me off and went to play poker on his laptop. He's supposed to pay for all of out dental but yet I've been to a dentist twice since he moved to the states. The only reason I went was because I had a gum infection and I almost needed surgury to remove dead tissue. I used to be a complete daddys girl. That completly changed when I broke my wrist in three places and while I was screaming for him he turned around and took my brothers out for dinner. When my oldest brother goes to uni in septemeber it will feel like I'm completly alone. Since I completly lost my dad he became my rock and I won't even have him. Me and my mom fight. Me and my other siblings fight but Eric and me have never faught and were extremly close. I don't even know what to do any more
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      Friendship is like glass; once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks :blush: