All this pain this guy is putting me through and I just keep running back to him. I look pethedic. We've been friends for two years. We both thought that the relationship would be perfect. We basically put it on a pedestal and it's not living up to it. We were dating for 12 days before the first time we broke up. We ARGUED all those days. I was never happy, but somehow I still love(d) him. He broke up with me on the 12th day but we ended up getting back together a couple hours later. On friday, I told him WE needed to talk. About what? A couple months ago, we had this talk where I told him how I felt and he listened...and I told him instead of me talking he would. So I told him to call me and If he forgot I was gonna be PISSED. So of course HE DIDN'T! I was heated the next morning...but what really tiped me over was I went on his page and he had "Shayyyyy" in his stauts and on myspace the smiley face with the hearts in the eyes! Yeah, so I also went to his comments and theres a girl named Shay saying "I love you too babe", "I miss you too", "I have to tell you something" and other crap. THAT is what made me mad. So I texted him and said "I don't wanna do this anymore" So we broke up and he was really pissed at me, he's like "this shit is crazy right now, after what we just went thru and your breaking up with me already" so i eventually started to feel bad, and by then he had stoped replying to my text. I was going CRAZY! Saturday was crazy when I woke up the first thing I did was wrote him a letter about as long as this on myspace and he didn't reply back. I sent him a text he didn't reply. Sunday I sent another one. So finally yesterday came around and just something came over me, like i wasn't even thinking about him at first and something just popped in my head and said "Try again, if he doesn't reply...delete him out of your life" So I did and this is the coversation

"This is the reason a couple months ago I thought we shouldn't date. We've been friends for two years and this whole thing messed it up. Your the last person, I expected to lose. Now you hate me because I did something so stupid. Honestly man, if you ever wanna speak to me again let me know. I just want some type of response."

"I don't have you! I just gave you what you wanted and that was the single life. I can't force you to date me. So I don't see what we have to talk about......"

"Wow thats not what I wanted. I really didnt. I was really really upset with you and I guess I reacted wrong."

"yeahhhhhhh ok."

"I'm serious. This is not coming outta my ass. I need/want you to talk to me. Can you answer one thing for me?"

"What?"

"Do you still care(love) me?"

"Yeah..... but that doesn't matter now anyway."

"and why doesn't it matter"

"because we don't date and I'm tired of doing this back and forth shit"

"Well, if we love each other why can't we be together?"

"becuase obviously it wont work"

"Ugh! wtf no relationship is perfect. People break up to make up. That's what makes it better. In any of your past relationships didn't you break up atleast once?"

"Ugh yeah but I didnt break up with them"

"Exactly. We've been friends for so long, this is new to us. Hmm... so you don't wanna try again?"

"Idk. I really gotta think about it now."

"Is one day enough?"

"Nope!"

"Okay well how much time do you need"

"Few days!"

"Ok I'll give you that. I'll chill for the next couple of days and text/call you then. "

"Ok."

It just kinda breaks my heart how CLOSE we use to be and this just ruined it. When we look back at this, I dont want us to have bad memories when we dated. Ya know? Today he still has "Shay" on his status with hearts and crap. and it says "I love you too". Basically how I feel is, if I can't have ALL of your love, I don't want it all. And that's what I felt when we were going out.. I Didn't feel like I was getting 100% of his love. I felt like it was someone else. I've been cheated on before, I have gut feelings man. But, what do you think?