Lately, I've been getting this feeling like I...need a baby. Not want, but need. I don't know why. It's just like I really, really need one.
I know it would create complications, and it would force me into adulthood. But I feel like I could handle it.
I know it's stupid. I know I'M stupid. I've cried so many times because it's physically hurt me, how badly I want a baby.
At first, I knew it was just hormones. But in the past few days, I have come up with various plans to be pregnant by the end of my senor year.
One was just to have sex and tell my parents just like that. But I'm a teacher's daughter, so how would that make my family look?
Another, I dreamed up. I would ask my best friend's boyfriend's brother who lives about 2 hours away for sex and then tell my parents I was raped walking to my car at the mall.
I wouldn't get him in trouble, I'd say I couldn't see him so no one would know who it is.
The scary thing is, I've planned EVERYTHING for the second option. I figured out the best times to conceive, picked out names I would want for my child, picked out the colors and furniture, and everything. I even picked out the month I would want to start this all. November of my senor year. I'd be done with cheerleading (I only cheer football), the musical would be over and I'd have my baby in July or August.
That gives me about a year and a half, since I'm only a sophomore right now.
I'm creeping myself out! I don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I need a baby. It hurts me so bad...please someone help me.
I know it would create complications, and it would force me into adulthood. But I feel like I could handle it.
I know it's stupid. I know I'M stupid. I've cried so many times because it's physically hurt me, how badly I want a baby.
At first, I knew it was just hormones. But in the past few days, I have come up with various plans to be pregnant by the end of my senor year.
One was just to have sex and tell my parents just like that. But I'm a teacher's daughter, so how would that make my family look?
Another, I dreamed up. I would ask my best friend's boyfriend's brother who lives about 2 hours away for sex and then tell my parents I was raped walking to my car at the mall.
I wouldn't get him in trouble, I'd say I couldn't see him so no one would know who it is.
The scary thing is, I've planned EVERYTHING for the second option. I figured out the best times to conceive, picked out names I would want for my child, picked out the colors and furniture, and everything. I even picked out the month I would want to start this all. November of my senor year. I'd be done with cheerleading (I only cheer football), the musical would be over and I'd have my baby in July or August.
That gives me about a year and a half, since I'm only a sophomore right now.
I'm creeping myself out! I don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I need a baby. It hurts me so bad...please someone help me.