Empty. Darkness takes it hold...

    • Empty. Darkness takes it hold...

      I feel so empty inside. Kinda like there’s a hole in my chest and all my insides are slithering out. I feel as if nothing is ever going to be okay again, you know? As if I’m alone in this world. I’m so far away from being okay right now, it’s ridiculous. I can’t release this horrendous inner demon, dwelling inside my rib cage, ripping my heart to shreds. I just can’t. I want him back in my life. I want things to be okay. Three years, and I’m still not okay. THRE YEARS. Somethings wrong with me. There’s like a loose spring inside my mind or something, I’m convinced. I’ll be okay for a little bit, I’ll be so numb, so oblivious to my emotional pain, then I’ll crash. It’s like, I lie to myself for so long, I start believing I’m okay, then suddenly, I break down and get sick of my self and let the pain come back. And convince myself that I deserve this pain. I need something to help. Psychiatrists don’t help, medication doesn’t help, friends don’t help, nothing does. It just won’t go away. I can’t talk to my parents about it, I don’t want sent to a loony bin. I feel as if I’ll never amount to anything, as if I’m not important to anyone, as if I’m just a feather, floating through life, unseen and heard. I just I don’t know. I’m so done with trying to understand myself. I really am.
      [SIZE=3][SIZE=3]The bite marks on my neck, never felt so good. I'm losing control and it's all that I can do, not to black out and fall into lust with you[/SIZE]
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    • Re: Empty. Darkness takes it hold...

      ThisIsNotMyReality wrote:

      I feel so empty inside. Kinda like there’s a hole in my chest and all my insides are slithering out. I feel as if nothing is ever going to be okay again, you know? As if I’m alone in this world. I’m so far away from being okay right now, it’s ridiculous. I can’t release this horrendous inner demon, dwelling inside my rib cage, ripping my heart to shreds. I just can’t. I want him back in my life. I want things to be okay. Three years, and I’m still not okay. THRE YEARS. Somethings wrong with me. There’s like a loose spring inside my mind or something, I’m convinced. I’ll be okay for a little bit, I’ll be so numb, so oblivious to my emotional pain, then I’ll crash. It’s like, I lie to myself for so long, I start believing I’m okay, then suddenly, I break down and get sick of my self and let the pain come back. And convince myself that I deserve this pain. I need something to help. Psychiatrists don’t help, medication doesn’t help, friends don’t help, nothing does. It just won’t go away. I can’t talk to my parents about it, I don’t want sent to a loony bin. I feel as if I’ll never amount to anything, as if I’m not important to anyone, as if I’m just a feather, floating through life, unseen and heard. I just I don’t know. I’m so done with trying to understand myself. I really am.



      You dont know the future to arrive at the conclusion that nothing is ever going to be ok again. I think a better view would be to say,: 'you know I can't expect to be ok ALL the time, when im not, ill give it my best and become stronger.'

      I think you are viewing this situation and using labels that will only make you feel worse. Labels like: "horrendous inner demon, dwelling inside my rib cage, ripping my heart to shreds" "I just can’t." "Somethings wrong with me." "There’s like a loose spring inside my mind or something, I’m convinced." etc. Those sentences do nothing more than to make it more believable for you that things will not work out and that you are doomed. So the first thing I suggest you to do is don't use these labels. Use alternatives. And you dont have to lie to yourself...you ca be honest and realistic, while at the same time being gentle on yourself.

      'you know I can't expect to be ok ALL the time, when im not, ill give it my best and become stronger.'

      'I dont feel good right now, but it wont help me to give up, I can live through this if I try and work things out.'

      Those are both true, genuine, and productive statements.