Okay, this might be a little long and a little "nasty", so here goes...

It was my first time going out with one of my new friends, a boy who I'll just call Rob. Anyway, Rob and me were going to the mall. We window shopped and we were going to go to the AMC to watch a movie (it's in the mall). So he bought our tickets and then said we should go back to the car (in the parking structure; that's where he left his white Kia) and sit there and talk because "the movie's not starting until 4 or 5". Suddenly, we sit there, and he rolls the windows down, and he grabs my hand.

I flinched, and he said, "What? It's just your hand." However, Rob kept grabbing my hand closer and closer. So basically, I ended up touching Rob's privates, and I asked, "Do you have an erection?" He knows I'm 17 and never had a BF before, I guess now would be a good time to start.
He kind of used his free hand to grope my boobs, and said, "You have nice boobs." I was shocked.
He said, "Yeah." and then I kept squealing but he pinned me down and kissed me on the cheek and neck. Now, Rob has a girlfriend already, but said, "Eh, fuck her. We don't even talk that much anymore."
So I asked, "What about your girlfriends?"
"I never really liked them. I really like you." was Rob's response. He kept begging to finger me but I wouldn't let him do that, even though he made me touch his. He was saying all sorts of stuff, "You're so pretty." and "Why are you scared? Look me into the eyes and tell me why you're scared." and "Are you crying?"

And I asked, "So are you going to break up with her?"
He was clueless, "I don't know." over and over, even afterwards when I asked if he expected or saw that coming. "I don't know. I just don't know, all of it, the whole thing." He said, quickly.

And even when I asked if we would see each other, "After this? Are we going to be doing it again?"
He said, "I don't know."
Yeah, so I don't really know what's going on... and it was just the two of us. When I got home I told my sister and my parents that "Earl and me just window shopped and talked and watched the dragon movie at AMC".


Finally, I broke down and told my science teacher (we're kind of close, at least we've been since after Thanksgiving holidays and extending into second semester), "Well, I think that you should just be friends first. You don't even really know him, and he's basically cheating on his girlfriend. If he really doesn't talk to his girlfriend that much anymore, why doesn't he just break up with her?" I think she has some good advice. Well, I finally used the phone but he isn't picking up, so I went for email to send him a message just an hour ago.

Can some of you please tell me what you think of this or what I should do next? I don't want anyone to say, "Wow." or "I don't care." because this forum should be about teenagers helping to and talking to each other -- at least over the screen.


Thanks so much for any help or at least opinion you can give.

Yeah, sorry my posts are going to be quite long...

My teacher added, "Well, maybe he just lost control since you two just met and that was your first outing. It's very common for boys in middle and high school to do this. But if he does it to you more than twice, I think you should just dump him. I'd be very skeptical if he does do it to you again or further times. If you really want him to be your boyfriend you should make sure he breaks up with his girlfriend first."

The weird thing is, I think that if he was really abusive, he would have been making fun of me or went and physically smashed me out on our first meeting. He didn't do any of that. He's also quite vague about his parents, and when I asked if I could meet them, he responded, "No." but explained that, "My friends usually don't meet my parents, even though they're home on weekends." However, he was happy talking about high school and a younger brother (like us, he's a family of four with two kids of the same gender born and bred in LAC). So, I was very curious as to if his friends all don't know or is it just with me? (My teacher piped in, "Yeah, that's something to find out, if all really don't. Because some people might not enjoy that but it does seem suspicious for the situation. This isn't exactly normal for most people, and I'd like to find out why. Possibly an abusive relationship between his parents (or their attitude toward him)? In which case, it's even more likely he'll repeat those patterns (not necessarily a given though, I don't think anyone is really and truly "doomed" to repeat the cycle of their past environments). However, keeping people away from important those "important" people around them (parents and other family members, especially) is a common trait of users. It keeps everything nice, neat, tidy, and separate; making it very unlikely that those he's playing will find out that he's not quite as "interested" in things as he assures people. Oh, and if he was really so "into" you; why would he say 'I don't know' when you asked if he liked you?")

I did ask him, "Do they know you're going out with me?"
He said, "They don't know it's you. I just told them I was going out."
He explained, "Well, my parents know what my friends are like."
"Am I like that?"
"Yeah, you are." Yet, that's the big question: is he going to come back or not? I don't have a lot of friends.

He kind of laughed it off, "Friends with benefits, I guess." ("If he really doesn't talk to the old girlfriend so much anymore, then why doesn't he just break up with her? And if you don't want that low status, you should just tell him that... Please, don't get involved romantically unless he broke up with her, as this just complicates things." My sister slipped to me.)

Also, he managed to maintain a relationship for three years, which he just recently ended last fall. He actually told me he took things slowly and normally there, and didn't regret it. His current girlfriend has known him for three months. And apparently, they've been drifting.

My parents and sister don't know he did all of that to me. Well, yesterday I explained to my sister via email that he did try to touch me, "It's just your skin."
She responded, "Wow. He has a girlfriend already, and yeah, that is more than is anticipated for a first meeting." Initially, she said, "He seems really nice."

As for his response to rejection, I was telling him while in line to buy AMC tickets, "You were saying that I was pretty and stuff. I think, that, you know, that really means something. Do you like me?" (He said, "I don't know. I really don't.") I continued, "I think you need to sort things out with the other person before you do this stuff with me. Your girlfriend is still on the side. You should listen to me." He looked like he was thinking, then, and for once, he paused -- unusual, because he's usually very happy and says what he thinks. (When I told the teacher this, she said, "How do you know if he's thinking for sure? What if he still wants to use you? Usually, what he's saying and doing to you starts off as the signs of a bad relationship. He won't give it all to you in the beginning. Well, wait and see.")

kopite (and the other person who asked), it was weird to me because it was new. He wasn't being flat-out mean or anything, though. He said, "I promise that I won't make you have sex with me. Next time, every time, it will just be like this."
"Why can't you do it next time, then?"
"I want to do it now." (My sister said, "Umm, wow...")
I guess I did like him, but I am a bit skeptical of him already now, so it took away some of the feelings for me. We were sitting in the car staring straight ahead. When he asked me if I had saw a live penis ("Male relatives don't count!"), I said no. That's what led him to force my hand on his. (The teacher said, "Yeah, that's pretty physical, definitely heavy for a first outing with someone you've known for only about a month. I mean, you said he lightly brushed your elbow and wrapped his arm around yours in the theater. If he had done only those that would be perfectly fine. But him begging to touch yours (both privates and boobs) and you were forced on his... yeah, that could go either way but I would think it leads to more dangerous things down the road.")

He tried to justify, "Well, even though it's new to you, everyone has to start somewhere." (My teacher said, "If you're really worried he's taking advantage of you, tell him that. And yeah, the part about him making you do it -- everyone does have to start somewhere, but how come he made you do it? How he said 'I like you, not the other two' -- that's a major red flag that he just uses girls and women. You're 17 years old and a high school senior with him, you should be proud of yourself for having waited so long and come this far, especially considering most of my students are either pregnant, already parents (mostly mothers), or addicted to smokes and drugs at 13 or 14, and it's not unusual for kids to be 11, 12 with boyfriends or girlfriends today. But don't let him force you now. I warn you that having a boyfriend or girlfriend will make you fall behind in academic and work progress, which you've already seemed to be maturely and independently enjoying." and she herself graduated HS in 2000)

When I got up and opened the car door because I didn't want him to "touch" me or kiss me anymore, I started walking around and I thought that a building that had a store in it (moved now and currently empty) was an entrance to another department store; it was empty. Since the parking lot is so big, when I was halfway back to the car, he came back and reached me. Previously, he had been sitting in the car, "Ahh, I'm going to put my pants back on." and staring straight ahead. I guess, he was thinking about it.

And when I called a hotline, the lady said, "Yeah... it seems like you already took the correct steps by attempting to reach him, sit down, and talk about it. But he seemed pretty careless with his previous girlfriends, so I'd be wary of that."

Yeah, I don't know. I guess I'll keep you all informed.

AlexMason wrote:

Look, this guy seems like he is sexually harassing you. There are people out there to be friends with, find some girls your age to hang with, and not some "creep". Obviously you haven't rushed into having sex, which is a good thing, so don't let anyone pressure you into it. You'll thank yourself later in life. Good relationships don't start with sex, and this guy isn't looking for a relationship. Remember that players are smarter than most people think, they do whatever it takes to "get some". My advice is to find a guy who has his act together, a guy who wants to be successful in life, and not turn into a sex addict. Rob is all wrong for you, and I'm sorry for "telling" you who is or isn't right for you, but it seem kinda obvious that he is not. I read every bit of your "long posts," and just want to see you make a good decision. Sorry if religion offends anyone, but I'll be praying for ya.

Thank you for your words. I'll follow through and not see him anymore.

What really irritates me was that he acted so nice at first, and his friends don't even know what's going on. I asked him if he was going to tell them, and he said, "Oh, I don't tell them everything. Only if they ask. They didn't ask about you."

I guess I'll have to just go back to university and move on.

I actually couldn't delete this thread, so I thought I'd let you know what happened since then.

• I did see the police -- They asked me so many questions that it was impossible to answer correctly without adding or explaining other things, so the two cops said they doubted I was telling the truth and that only what happened in the car and afterwards seemed to make sense. Fine with me, no one cares to know that I met a stranger off the gaming forum.
  
• I called the high school principal -- He said, "I am going to speak to Rob and Rob's parents. I will tell him never to contact you again and I want the same from you. If he calls you again, don't pick up. Don't ever go out with him again. If he still manages to contact you, return to the police and demand restraining orders. Thank you for telling me. Goodbye!"
  

And that's it. I'm going to take classes at a community college in June and I'm going to focus on becoming better academically. I don't trust most guys or people in my area today, and Rob just made that a lot worse.

Thank you for your help. It's time I move on to bigger and better things.