Need Friend Advice

    • Need Friend Advice

      hi guys. i would appreciate if you give me advice.

      last year my best friend amy started mentioning this guy named "kevin" that her best friend josh introduced her to. she said they were dating and told many elaborate stories to their dates. they all started to contradict each other. example:

      date: she said that kevin picked her up in the middle of the night to see a movie.
      problems: movie theaters arent open in the middle of the night, she was only 16 she would have been caught by curfew.

      date: he took her to stay at a disneyland hotel
      problems: i have a disneyland pass so i know the area and i asked which hotel and she couldn't tell me, eventually she said "oh idk i was blindfolded"

      issue: she says she called him before, now suddenly she has no contact with him because he "moved" yet they "ran into each other" at kmart.

      there's many other stories she's told including saying she slept with him after "knowing him" a couple months.

      One morning she came to school with an envelope that josh gave her from kevin. it consisted of printed pictures from the internet of kevin and a love letter. before reading the letter she called me over to read it with her. idk how most people are but i find a love letter to be personal and i would at least read it alone before sharing it with others. the letter was very cheesy and didn't sound like the writing of a guy.

      just a couple days ago, another friend of mine told me that she heard amy and josh planning and writing the letter in the hallway before talking about "not writing it in their handwriting or using similar wording because it'd be too obvious"

      I feel somewhat hurt that she'd lie to me after she said we're best friends. so i decided to ask her about it. I just asked her have you ever lied to me about anything? she said no, and told me an insignificant truth and asked me if i doubted her honesty, i told her i somewhat did and she began to cry so i didnt get to question her about kevin.

      I worry that she's a compulsive liar, I don't want to hurt her but I still want to know.

      Thanks for your help sorry it was so long

      The post was edited 1 time, last by darlingdeanna: forgot info ().

    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      I'm sorry to say, but with liars you get nothing but grief. Unless she has a complete turnaround, apologises and asks to start over with you in friendship, you will be wasting your time chasing her for the answer you want.

      One thing liars do is never look straight at you, because they never meet your eyes. Eyes never lie. Best you move on and forget her.



      Sometimes the best memories people make, are new ones.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      AccessDenied wrote:

      I'm sorry to say, but with liars you get nothing but grief. Unless she has a complete turnaround, apologises and asks to start over with you in friendship, you will be wasting your time chasing her for the answer you want.

      One thing liars do is never look straight at you, because they never meet your eyes. Eyes never lie. Best you move on and forget her.

      i understand where you're coming from but she's completely genuine in every other aspect of her life. i sometimes wonder if she does it to seek attention or what? im actually worried about her
    • darlingdeanna wrote:

      well she considers me her best friend it wouldn't be right to ignore her


      If you'd have to outright ignore her to prevent feeding her attention then I assume all your interaction with her revolves around her and her need for attention. What's the point of being around a person whose goal is to make themselves feel better? Additionally, you said she considers you to be her best friend; I'm assuming you don't share the feeling. Well, in that case, if I'm even going in the right direction with this, why not just tell her to back off? Will she be slightly offended? Sure she will - she wants attention and you're not giving it to her. But it really will make things much more... annoying, if you will.
    • Re: help :/

      Malevolent wrote:

      If you'd have to outright ignore her to prevent feeding her attention then I assume all your interaction with her revolves around her and her need for attention. What's the point of being around a person whose goal is to make themselves feel better? Additionally, you said she considers you to be her best friend; I'm assuming you don't share the feeling. Well, in that case, if I'm even going in the right direction with this, why not just tell her to back off? Will she be slightly offended? Sure she will - she wants attention and you're not giving it to her. But it really will make things much more... annoying, if you will.

      i do consider her my best friend as well but i hesitate when i think of the possibility of her lying to me over something so petty. and yes if i distanced myself she'd be upset. like i sed she cried when i asked a question as simple as "have you ever lied to me?"
    • Re: help :/

      darlingdeanna wrote:

      i do consider her my best friend as well but i hesitate when i think of the possibility of her lying to me over something so petty. and yes if i distanced myself she'd be upset. like i sed she cried when i asked a question as simple as "have you ever lied to me?"


      I tend to have a lot to say about everything, but I'm drawing a blank when it comes to your situation. The way I see it, you have a problem more than you have a good friendship. Instead of doing what friends do, you're struggling with what to do because she lies to you. Not only do you have to deal with her lies, you can't confront her about it without her breaking you down and making you feel terrible. You could think of it this way, though. The crying after the confrontation could also be for attention. I don't know. Maybe. Either way, there's a problem and you should fix it. Not doing anything will lead you nowhere. Doing something will hurt her, and yes, you'll have to see her cry and go through a period of bawwwwwomgfml, but I really don't see any reason for you to be in a friendship based on lies and attention seeking; you have better things to do with your time.
    • Re: help :/

      Malevolent wrote:

      I tend to have a lot to say about everything, but I'm drawing a blank when it comes to your situation. The way I see it, you have a problem more than you have a good friendship. Instead of doing what friends do, you're struggling with what to do because she lies to you. Not only do you have to deal with her lies, you can't confront her about it without her breaking you down and making you feel terrible. You could think of it this way, though. The crying after the confrontation could also be for attention. I don't know. Maybe. Either way, there's a problem and you should fix it. Not doing anything will lead you nowhere. Doing something will hurt her, and yes, you'll have to see her cry and go through a period of bawwwwwomgfml, but I really don't see any reason for you to be in a friendship based on lies and attention seeking; you have better things to do with your time.

      so yesterday i questioned her more via text message so her tears couldn't affect me and she did nothing but deny everything. no matter what i do she acts as if im the crazy one. she tells me i have no right to doubt when i dont know what's going on in her personal life. i retorted her by telling her i can only go based off of what i know and it doesnt add up yet she refused to give me more info and clear things up for me. so im not sure how to handle this anymore.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      she needs to be honest with you. tell her that you value the friendship between you two, but it's hard to be unable to trust her. have you tried talking to Josh about any of this? maybe he'd be more willing to tell you the truth. if it seems she's still lying to you, then maybe it would be a good idea to put some space between you for a bit. If she really wants to be your true friend, then that would be the way to really tell how she really feels. If she comes to you, hopefully that'll push her to apologize. I know it might be hard to do that, but you can't let her tears control you.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      supersonic92 wrote:

      she needs to be honest with you. tell her that you value the friendship between you two, but it's hard to be unable to trust her. have you tried talking to Josh about any of this? maybe he'd be more willing to tell you the truth. if it seems she's still lying to you, then maybe it would be a good idea to put some space between you for a bit. If she really wants to be your true friend, then that would be the way to really tell how she really feels. If she comes to you, hopefully that'll push her to apologize. I know it might be hard to do that, but you can't let her tears control you.

      unfortunately josh goes along with it since he "introduced her to kevin" and i told her i dont trust her and she gets all sad saying that it hurts that i dont trust her and i start to feel like maybe shes not lying but at the same time when i think about it it doesnt add up and im stuk bcuz shes very clingy with me.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      then maybe it would be better to try my second idea. put some space between you and her for a bit and see how much she really cares about you as a friend. if she tries talking to you tell her how hard it is to be around her if you can't trust her with simple things. if she keeps being persistent with what she says, then maybe she is telling the truth. otherwise, hope that she decides to be honest with you. something else you could do is see if you could meet with and talk with Kevin, if possible. or find someone who may know him and have them talk to him and see what he says about all this.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      supersonic92 wrote:

      then maybe it would be better to try my second idea. put some space between you and her for a bit and see how much she really cares about you as a friend. if she tries talking to you tell her how hard it is to be around her if you can't trust her with simple things. if she keeps being persistent with what she says, then maybe she is telling the truth. otherwise, hope that she decides to be honest with you. something else you could do is see if you could meet with and talk with Kevin, if possible. or find someone who may know him and have them talk to him and see what he says about all this.

      whats more suspicious about kevin is he "moved away" doesnt have a working cell phone, yet how does josh talk to him all the time? idk. but she always says she can never talk to him, she uses josh to talk to him. which to me sounds quizzical. its such an awkward weird situation right?
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      It definitely sounds sketchy to me, I have a hard time believing that she is dating this boy. Part of me wonders if he even really exists at all. That's something you could ask Josh. Whether he's truthful or not, it would be good to see what he says about communicating with Kevin. See if you can contact this Kevin in the same way Josh does; if they make excuses, that's pretty much saying that they're lying. There's no reason to prevent you from talking to her 'boyfriend' if you two are supposed to be best friends.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      supersonic92 wrote:

      It definitely sounds sketchy to me, I have a hard time believing that she is dating this boy. Part of me wonders if he even really exists at all. That's something you could ask Josh. Whether he's truthful or not, it would be good to see what he says about communicating with Kevin. See if you can contact this Kevin in the same way Josh does; if they make excuses, that's pretty much saying that they're lying. There's no reason to prevent you from talking to her 'boyfriend' if you two are supposed to be best friends.

      yeah maybe ill do that. i just worry because she's tried convincing me he's real and if i tell josh, i know he'll go back and tell her.
    • Re: Need Friend Advice

      So what if he tells her? It's wrong for them to be lying to you in the first place, so if she gets upset over this, it's her fault. Like I said before, don't let her tears get to you. So far she hasn't been able to give you any concrete evidence this guy even exists, and now he 'conveniently' moves away? If she hardly talks to him anymore and is still dating him, don't you think she would show some signs of being honestly upset he's gone?