Pathological Liar

    • Pathological Liar

      So my friend Amy, I've come to the conclusion is a pathological liar. She's made up elaborate stories about a boyfriend she had who lived in another city when I just found out 3 days ago, she never met in person.

      Recently she got in a fight with her best friend Josh and texted me threatening to commit suicide but not to tell anyone. She continuously makes up lies to get attention. She has a fake account on the internet that she uses to get info out of Josh and test his friendship with her, despite my continuous efforts to persuade her not to. She becomes obsessed with and attached to anyone who gives her attention, gets immensely jealous when they seem to have a closer friendship with anyone else.

      Whenever I approach her about her lying she cries because I don't believe her stories even though they're very contradicting. This past week she's had my mind screwed up. I want to get away from her but I'm afraid I could send her completely off the deep end if me, her "best friend" cuts loose from her. I need help!

    • Re: Pathological Liar

      Both of you need help.

      Its true she lies about everything but its because she's unhappy with herself, with who she is and what actually happens in her life and this is her way of seeming important. She latches onto anyone who gets close because she doesn't feel people are close to her and part of that is the fact that she has to lie to everyone for her to feel close.

      I'd suggest talking with her about just that. If she lies, people don't know her and if people don't know her they can't really be her friend. She is so anxious about losing people because she understands that they like her based on her lies and if people were to find out they'd leave. Primarily you need to get her to understand that people won't leave if she admits she lied and by letting people get to know the real her even if its a boring life they will be friends with who she really is and she won't have to worry about them discovering her lies and leaving.

      While its your choice if you cut loose but cutting loose only further vindicates what in her subconcious perpetuates the lies.
      Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind. ~Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason
      [CENTER]The greatest thing you'll ever learn
      Is just to Love
      And be Loved in return
      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Pathological Liar

      DeaExMachina wrote:

      Both of you need help.

      Its true she lies about everything but its because she's unhappy with herself, with who she is and what actually happens in her life and this is her way of seeming important. She latches onto anyone who gets close because she doesn't feel people are close to her and part of that is the fact that she has to lie to everyone for her to feel close.

      I'd suggest talking with her about just that. If she lies, people don't know her and if people don't know her they can't really be her friend. She is so anxious about losing people because she understands that they like her based on her lies and if people were to find out they'd leave. Primarily you need to get her to understand that people won't leave if she admits she lied and by letting people get to know the real her even if its a boring life they will be friends with who she really is and she won't have to worry about them discovering her lies and leaving.

      While its your choice if you cut loose but cutting loose only further vindicates what in her subconcious perpetuates the lies.




      That made a lot of sense. My only concern is that she wont accept it and think I'm calling her "crazy" if I approach her. I'll give it a shot. Thank you :)

    • Re: Pathological Liar

      It won't happen in one great epiphany, she doesn't trust people to accept her and so you need to bridge that trust. You need to be like "I know you lied, but I'm still your friend. I'm not going to leave you because you lied to me but I'd like to get to know the real you."

      Just don't pack her into a corner over her lies, you have to be giving in the conversation and let her admit it on her own. Its not really going to be easy but as long as you keep that in mind she'll start to trust and open up.
      Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind. ~Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason
      [CENTER]The greatest thing you'll ever learn
      Is just to Love
      And be Loved in return
      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Pathological Liar

      DeaExMachina wrote:

      It won't happen in one great epiphany, she doesn't trust people to accept her and so you need to bridge that trust. You need to be like "I know you lied, but I'm still your friend. I'm not going to leave you because you lied to me but I'd like to get to know the real you."

      Just don't pack her into a corner over her lies, you have to be giving in the conversation and let her admit it on her own. Its not really going to be easy but as long as you keep that in mind she'll start to trust and open up.


      Thanks I appreciate your advice. I'm going to give it a try. Wish me luck! :)

    • Re: Pathological Liar

      You can't be a pathological liar "sometimes". Either you are, or are not.
      I have a friend who is just like the person you are reffering to. He would create elaborate fantasies to avoid people and deter them from getting to know him. When I finally convinced him to explain why he feels compelled to do this, he said that it was so that when/if he was rejected, the person doing the rejecting wouldn't be rejecting my friend, he would be rejecting the fantasy persona my friend had created with lies. I tried to explain to him that he wouldn't nessicarily be rejected but that act was soon apparently futile because he began trying to get out of the conversation by obviscating the matter and bringing up seemingly random useless topics.
      I would expect a similar situation to arise with you and your friend. Be open minded and nonjudgmental, shouldn't be too hard for you, you sound like a very caring great friend to have.