Alone Forever?

Lunch Trey · Jun 23rd 2010, 8:17am

I am not completely sure on whether a similar topic has been posted or not. I apologize in advance if it has been.

Anyway, on to the main topic. For some time now, I have been thinking about relationships or rather lack thereof. I have been wondering if people are meant to be alone forever, as in, going through their entire lives without having a significant other. I have asked many of my friends and about 80% said "No." I, however, have a different opinion. I believe that some people are destined to be alone forever, as sad as it may be.

Anyway, what your opinions on this? I would really love to hear them.

DeaExMachina · Jun 23rd 2010, 8:26am

Destiny implies a certainty of outcome, it implies a lack of control, a lack of responsibility and a lack of need for effort. In short destiny is a defeatist mentality.

I believe in manifest destiny, that is you have a destiny but you must make it manifest, it shall not happen upon its own. Nor do you have a single destiny, you have a finite amount but that amount is millions of possibilities before you. Not everyone can be the President of the United States, not everything can be a quarterback, not everyone can discover a cure for cancer all because each of us are dealt a different set of conditions at the start of our lives and these conditions determine all of the multitude of possible lives we can live.

I do not believe that in all of the millions of your possible manifest destinies you are alone. Don't be so damn defeatist and go get yourself a girl.

Skerty · Jun 23rd 2010, 8:29am

I think that the whole thing about there being 'the one' is true. Eventually you will find the right person, wether they are your first real relationship or if you meet them after dating say 10 other people, you will eventually find them
Anyone can be in a relationship with someone if they put themselves out there and maybe open up to new things, ie, taking up new hobbies or something to meet others.

Edit: Btw, DeaExMachina, I like the replies I've read of yours. Always feels like reading something said from an expert haha
+rep

Scaredycrow · Jun 23rd 2010, 8:50am

I wouldn't say destined - though some people may choose to be alone forever. I don't think it's sad either, just because you don't have a significant other doesn't mean you're "alone". Your friends and family could fill that void.

Two of my teachers in high school are in their late 50ies and never married, and they are perfectly happy. I also have a friend who thinks they'll never get married, they haven't given up or resigned themselves to "fate", they just don't think it would be right for them!

If it saddens you to think that you'll go your whole life without a significant other, then I'm sure you could turn that around and find someone. If you're posting on a teen forum, I'm sure you're still young - you have lots of time!

Milanist · Jun 23rd 2010, 8:59am

Being alone forever? I dont think that you can say that ppl are ment to be alone, its a matter of choice....

I mean im sure that there is the right person for everyone, its a matter of stepping up and taking that opportunity....If you choose to be alone, thats another matter. but if you wanna be with someone, well i think its possible for everyone...

Neal · Jun 23rd 2010, 8:08pm

I think what he is really saying is being single forever.

If you argue that 1 is destined to be single forever or that everything that happens or doesn't happen, happens for a reason, you seem to imply a g0d causes it. (How else would you imply?).

Otherwise, if not for that, then things happen just out of causality.

As for humans being alone forever, that does not seem to be the direction evolution is following at all. In fact, the majority of people do not be alone forever.

Or is your argument really are there *individuals* that were meant to be single forever?

creepyguy924 · Jun 24th 2010, 3:08am

only if you let yourself be alone forever.

rubber314chicken · Jun 24th 2010, 3:42am

You are only alone forever if you don't go to college.

diotem · Jun 24th 2010, 4:28am

I love how people assume its a choice.

Its not a choice. There are people who try and try again to find that someone and fail each and every time. For once, I'm not even talking about myself, though I feel I've fallen into that. I've seen people who are 30, 40, even my 61 year old uncle, who've tried a thousand times only to be turned down continuously.

creepyguy924 · Jun 24th 2010, 4:36am

diotem wrote:

I love how people assume its a choice.

Its not a choice. There are people who try and try again to find that someone and fail each and every time. For once, I'm not even talking about myself, though I feel I've fallen into that. I've seen people who are 30, 40, even my 61 year old uncle, who've tried a thousand times only to be turned down continuously.

i have no idea where you are from, but although its not a choice thats as simple as choosing to not be alone and becoming not alone, i dont know anybody that has put forth an actual effort multiple times and remains completely alone.

Scaredycrow · Jun 24th 2010, 4:56am

Neal wrote:

I think what he is really saying is being single forever.

Agreed, though he hasn't specified that was my point too - one could be single for most of their life, but that doesn't mean they're "alone."

diotem wrote:

I love how people assume its a choice.

Its not a choice. There are people who try and try again to find that someone and fail each and every time. For once, I'm not even talking about myself, though I feel I've fallen into that. I've seen people who are 30, 40, even my 61 year old uncle, who've tried a thousand times only to be turned down continuously.

There are also people who simply choose not to date or marry because that's not the lifestyle they want to have.

If it's not a choice then it must be fate or destiny (whatever you want to call it), which then also must work both ways - it is destiny you find "the one", or it is destiny that you are single. Considering how common divorce seems to be nowadays, it seems that many people never end up having that "one". Or some are just destined to divorce, too?

The only problem with saying that it isn't a choice, is that if you feel you've been rejected too many times, you can just give up and "resign to fate", and then, of course, you have destined yourself to a lifetime of being single. Maybe you won't ever find someone, but you don't know unless you keep trying.

Lunch Trey · Jun 24th 2010, 5:54am

DeaExMachina wrote:

Destiny implies a certainty of outcome, it implies a lack of control, a lack of responsibility and a lack of need for effort. In short destiny is a defeatist mentality.

I believe in manifest destiny, that is you have a destiny but you must make it manifest, it shall not happen upon its own. Nor do you have a single destiny, you have a finite amount but that amount is millions of possibilities before you. Not everyone can be the President of the United States, not everything can be a quarterback, not everyone can discover a cure for cancer all because each of us are dealt a different set of conditions at the start of our lives and these conditions determine all of the multitude of possible lives we can live.

I do not believe that in all of the millions of your possible manifest destinies you are alone. Don't be so damn defeatist and go get yourself a girl.

Thank you for your opinion, Machina. I am not being defeatist and this question has nothing to do with me personally. This is just in general; are some people truly meant to be alone forever? And using your examples, wouldn't you say that not everyone can get a significant other?

DeaExMachina · Jun 24th 2010, 7:05am

Lunch Trey wrote:

Thank you for your opinion, Machina. I am not being defeatist and this question has nothing to do with me personally. This is just in general; are some people truly meant to be alone forever? And using your examples, wouldn't you say that not everyone can get a significant other?

No.

Everyone can get a significant other (or several). However, possibility does not ensure success. At the start of any major sports season each of those teams can win the championship but only one of them actually will. In this way we all can get someone to love and be loved by but that does not mean we shall, thankfully we have more than one person to chase down or she'd be very tired indeed.

Again, the results that someone may try hundreds of times and still be alone did not mean he was meant to be alone but that he tried and failed for a myriad of reasons yet he still had the chance that he would not be alone. The result does not create a cause.

alfaspider06 · Jun 24th 2010, 8:09pm

I believe that not everybody needs to have a significant other in their life to prosper. Moreover I firmly disagree with the notion that there is "one" person that everybody is destined to be with simply because the math proves it wrong. For the sake of easy math lets assume there are 6 billion people on earth, and again for sake of making the numbers easy lets assume that half of all people are the opposite gender. So that is about 3 billion people, now you have to account for all the people who are already married or underage or too old, again lets assume that is about half, so now we are down to about 1.5 billion people that could potentially be your "soul mate".

Now if one in that 1.5 billion people is destined to be with you how are you going to find them, odds would dictate that it is highly unlikely that that person lives within 100 miles of you. So lets say you can find all 1.5 billion people (maybe you own a jet or have a time machine i don't know) and date each of them for at least 6 months each (which would equate to 2 a year). So it would take you 750 million years to date all of the people. Basically proving that the odds of finding a "soul mate" without some sort of "divine" intervention would be impossible.

Anyways my main point is that "soul mates" are a hollywood fabrication, and in reality it is your own responsiblity to find someone that you want to spend your life with, and if you don't find anyone don't fret because having a spouse does not determine success.

Neal · Jun 25th 2010, 1:31am

Scaredycrow wrote:

If it's not a choice then it must be fate or destiny (whatever you want to call it), which then also must work both ways - it is destiny you find "the one", or it is destiny that you are single.

So if I did not choose to be single or did not choose to lose my virginity, I am therefore destined to be forever single or forever a virgin?

Sorry, but I'm an atheist.

Scaredycrow · Jun 25th 2010, 4:55am

Neal wrote:

So if I did not choose to be single or did not choose to lose my virginity, I am therefore destined to be forever single or forever a virgin?

Sorry, but I'm an atheist.

Ah, I guess my post wasn't clear enough -- my apologies. I was only saying if destiny exists, yada yada yada...

I'm really getting at that I believe it's a choice, not "destiny".

Lunch Trey · Jun 25th 2010, 7:55am

Neal wrote:

I think what he is really saying is being single forever.

If you argue that 1 is destined to be single forever or that everything that happens or doesn't happen, happens for a reason, you seem to imply a g0d causes it. (How else would you imply?).

Otherwise, if not for that, then things happen just out of causality.

As for humans being alone forever, that does not seem to be the direction evolution is following at all. In fact, the majority of people do not be alone forever.

Or is your argument really are there *individuals* that were meant to be single forever?

I am an Atheist, so I don't believe God causes it. My argument is are there some invididuals that are truly meant to be alone forever, no matter how hard they try to change that.

leviathan · Jun 26th 2010, 8:21pm

As the wise words of Morrissey would put it:

"I do think it's possible to go through life and never fall in love, or find someone who loves you."

The man is a legend and it has never been documented as far as I've known for him to be in a relationship of any sort even though his songs are filled with such depressing themes with them. Hell the world at large doesn't even know his sexuality

Maximus1991 · Jun 26th 2010, 10:08pm

leviathan wrote:

As the wise words of Morrissey would put it:

"I do think it's possible to go through life and never fall in love, or find someone who loves you."

Personally, I've never loved anyone individually, not even my parents or my little sister who I would die for without a second thought. I've also dated several different girls and live a relatively full life up to this point and I still have never loved.

Now, I'm not saying I know how things will turn out but, I would be happy to live my entire life by myself and truly be alone forever. Now, as some would say that is my "manifest destiny" because I choose to be alone even though I could be with someone. However, if it makes me happier to be alone, why isn't just as easy to say that out of the myriad of possible destinies, the best one for me is one in which I end up alone for the vast majority of my life.

Neal · Jun 27th 2010, 1:43am

So, how can destiny and atheism co-exist?

Or maybe you meant some people deserve to be forever single...

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