Hi dear.

Well, I think what you need to do is find someone to talk to about how you're feeling. You can't keep that bottled up, or you'll burst. It's kind of like a bottle of soda, the pressure builds up the more you shake it, then when you go to open it, it pretty much explodes.

I'm not sure what you're feeling, but I kind of know where you're coming from, and it really can just be stress that's making you feel this way. If you talk to someone, it kind of gets that weight off of your shoulders and that person will try to help you feel better if they really care. May require some crying on your part to get your message across that it's serious business, but it needs to be dealt with before you hurt yourself.

You can talk to anyone here if you want. I understand the feeling depressed for no reason, I thought that for a long time too. I still do honestly. So I'm open if you wanna just talk. I might be able to help, I might not, but I'm someone who will listen if you want. We can talk here, you can PM me, or my AIM and MSN are on my profile.

But it might also be helpful to talk out some stuff here, so more people can add their input to what you feel. We won't be bias. If not, I'm a computer addict, and I'm mostly always here.

you start randomly babbling, then something will come up.
start with something small bothering you, then you might think of something else bigger. Or if you have a list of things that you want to talk about that's good too. or you can start off talking about some good things, and that could lead you to think of the bad. really, start anywhere you want.

You could start wherever you wanted, or if you do end up contacting someone I'm sure they'd know what questions to ask in order to help you. This site has a fantastic support team.

I agree with Becky - you're most likely stressed out. And if the picture on your profile is of you, I'm not sure why you're depressed about the way you look. But if it is something that is a major source of stress and grief to you, that is something you can work on changing if you feel you have to. It's very possible to change your hair, your clothing style, gain weight, lose weight, or experiment with makeup (or lack thereof) and find a look you feel comfortable with.

I imagine if I had a girlfriend I would not like to be reminded that a guy was intimate with her before me.
It would be worse if I knew him o.0

yeah, guys don't really like talking or hearing about their girlfriends being with other guys, intimately or even just as friends.

well here is what i do (yes i realize that its not the best way but it works for me. if you find a better way, please don't use this.) what i do is mentally cut... i imagine myself with like 2 knifes (not kitchen ones, the x-acto ones) and they're in their holster one on each leg on the outer side. holsters are filled with liquids which make cuts sting more, like rubbing alcohol or salt water etc. whenever i feel like cutting but cant, i close my eyes, enter the mental world, pull out the knifes, slit myself wherever the hand can reach (mentally). it will start to lose its effectiveness over time, especially if its used constantly. but served me well... i've reduced cutting by alot. but again, its still not as healthy as many other ways, so don't use this unless other ideas aren't working or when u have a bad urge to cut but dont want to and can't cut.

EDIT: i realize this isn't a solution towards your depression, but it should be able to hold back your cutting for a little bit.

do you still have feelings for the guy?

and are your feelings for your boyfriend stronger?

if so you might just need to sit down and talk with him about how you don't have feelings for the guy like you used to. or just try not to mention him or bring him up anymore.

well then there's not much you can do with that. just reassure your boyfriend your feelings for him. other than that it's up to him to believe you

anything else on your mind that you wanna talk about?