I like myy guy friend (advice please)

    • I like myy guy friend (advice please)

      Okay so I tried to type this earlier but ended up pressing backspace to erase a mistake and it ended up taking me off the page completely so this time it's gonna be really brief. I'll explain more once someone asks me too, but I seriously need advice. So I like my friend David. Here's a breakdown of things so you can kinda get the drift of whats going on here.

      • I met David through a friend of mine (Melina who he's now dating)
      • David told me he liked her before he told her (i was super happy cuz i knew she liked him too)
      • they hooked up (in junior year of high school)
      • over the summer he realized he loved her but he would wait until she was ready before he told her
      • theyre relationship got stress and they broke up
      • David gets DEPRESS real bad.
      • David goes back to his old girlfriend which was his first love
      Okay pause for a second I need to explain this part. His first love Brittany and him broke up because theyre familes didnt approve of interrational couples. But once Melina broke up with david he was feeling lost and decided to talk to brittany about it. She then confesses that she does still love him and that she doesnt care what her family thinks, thus they hook back up

      • Melina realizes she wants david back
      • Brittany breaks up with David again after she loses her mother to cancer and says she needs to be alone
      • David goes back into depression
      • for 3 months david and melina try to be at least friend (but its off and on)
      • they become friends with benefits and then eventually hook back up (now we're all freshmen in college)
      Okay So i left some stuff out at the end that i dont think is really needed but if it is ill bring it up. this is just like a summary once i get some advice ill go into more detail.

      But anyway I had always noticed David even before Melina hooked up with him. But I didn't realize I like him until really when Melina and him broke up and I saw how hurt he was. I realized I liked him and wanted him to be happy because he deserved it. But I saw how much Melina meant to him so dismissed my feelings for him pretty early off because I knew no good would come from it. But *sigh* you can't just turn your damn feelings off like a switch of a light . . . no matter how hard you try.

      Before Melina and David hooked up and they were just friends me and David still use to talk a lot. I was the first person he told he liked Melina. Soon after he would come to me and tell me all these wonderful things about him and his feelings for Melina (and i couldnt help but thinking Melina had hit the jackpot he was so nice and you didnt see many guys with the respect he gave her) Everything was cool until Melina broke up with him for being too clingy. He was heartbroken and I was left to mend the pieces back together. During that time i became his only friend who stuck by him because he tried to push everyone away and I found outt really personal things about him. He told me he could trust me and he considered me his best girl friend. I was happy I could be there for him. ( i knew he still loved Melina and honestly I just wanted him to be happy so him being with melina was fine with me because I knew she was a good girl for him, i was content).

      After ALL THE DRAMA and Melina and David where back together I realized somewhere my stupid feelings for him hadnt left but had grown. It hurt yet i was still happy for them, it became bittersweet i guess you can say.

      Since graduation and college this was the first time I had seen him in three months or more. The feelings are still there, i just need them to go away . . .

      Okay that was basically everything like a whole out view of our relations in a way to know more specifically on just David and my relationship as far as friends go you can ask because it much deeper than what i typed.

    • Re: I like myy guy friend (advice please)

      How complicated! I guess David is a excellent person. Three girls love him so deep.
      And i think your love for him is great. Coz you just want him to be happy, although you are suffered.
      But i think you know he still love his former girlfriend, you should quit and find your ture lover, not waste time on him.
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    • Re: I like myy guy friend (advice please)

      With all of his great traits, it seems to me that David is narrow-minded when it comes to dating girls, since he continuously went back to his former girlfriends while he had you there the entire time. So I'm not sure if it would be beneficial to continue pursuing him.

      However, if you must, then after he and Melina break up, as it sounds like they inevitably will, then the best you can do is talk to him about when he's single. That way you can get him out of his narrow mindset to realize there are other girls out there, including you. See how he responds and continue forward. Are you still his best girl friend while he dates Melina, or does he neglect you? If the former is true, then be careful when you talk to him about it as it could hurt your friendship.

      As of now, you really have no control over the situation unless they break up again. It would be wrong to talk to him about liking him while he's dating Melina because it sort of sends off a "I like you and I'd prefer if you like me instead of her" kind of feeling, which is disrespectful, even if you didn't mean it to be. So you have to wait, and in the meantime, you should also open your eyes wider as well and find the other great guys that are out there instead of focusing on David.
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    • Re: I like myy guy friend (advice please)

      Thanks but I don't want to be David's girlfriend and I don't want David to be my boyfriend. I like him and Melina together. I just happen to have feelings for him. Does that make any sense (sorry if im confusing you) I like him but I don't want to be with him. They are both my friends and I like them together and even if they weren't going out I would still just wanna be friends with David. Yet I have these feelings for him -___- I just want them to go away.

    • Re: I like myy guy friend (advice please)

      Sorry, I've tried to reply to this like five times now, and I've gotten sidetracked every single time :)

      You said it yourself; your feelings can't be turned off like a light switch. They are going to be there for quite a while whether you want them to be or not. But I do think you are doing the right thing in recognizing that you don't want a relationship with David. It is a VERY difficult thing, to cast aside your feelings for someone when you recognize that your friendship is more important than running the risk of losing it. It's also a quality I almost never see around here.

      One thing that I definitely recommend though is that this be an all or nothing venture. If you decide that you do not want a romantic relationship with him, then don't throw around any mixed signals. Make it clear that a friendship is all that's there. Your friendship with both of your friends will suffer if they know the truth, and like Pandora's Box, once it is done it cannot be undone. Things may go back to normal after a time, but both of them will always have that stored away in the back of their minds, wondering if you are still feeling the same way. I am really big on the philosophy of telling people how you feel and being honest with them, except when the truth has the potential to hurt others.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Jenna ().

    • Re: I like myy guy friend (advice please)

      thanks :) since college started i dont get to see david to often (he doesnt like hanging around with our friend karla) but i see melina like once a week or so. Theyre both really important to me (and I think ive already hurt Melina once) and i dont want to seem like im flirting with david but our friendship already seems kind of off.