Thinking I should just kill myself

    • Thinking I should just kill myself

      I've been with the same guy for three years and basically all of it was a lie because he lies all the time and he cheated so I don't know what he has done but hasn't told me and I think about it all the time. there is no way I can get over it because it has been so long and I havn't been able to get over it due to the fact I keep finding out about more lies and he keeps making more.. We have a six month old baby girl together and everytime I look at her I want to cry.. Not all the time but most of the time. The guy, the baby, and I, all live with my mom in a two bedroom apartment and she isn't supportive at all. Anytime I say he needs to sleep on the couch and that he can walk to work she tells me I'M THE MEAN one, even though he deserves it 100%. It's like everyone thinks I should let him walk all over me and treat me badly because my mom is always calling me a pain in the a** and everything. Even though we're broke up right now we still live together and he still gets in my face and kisses me and forces his kisses on me.. I honestly think they are gross ever since I found out he had sex with another girl..
      The only way I feel that I can get away from everything is to just commit suicide and take all the pills inside my bathroom at once.. but when I think about this I cry because that would be leaving my daughter with her horrible father. I don't say he's horrible just because of how he has treated me but he ignores her and doesn't hold her like he should and things like that.. etc etc..
      I don't know what to do..
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      before you go on and do something drastic, have you though about "If I die who will take care of my daughter?" her father is not someone I'd respect (a real man never hits a woman especially the mother of his child), have you confronted your mother about his infidelities, his selfish acts etc..?

      Suicide is not an answer its (don't mind me saying this but its what I think of it) a cowards way out, I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about suicide in the past but I held my head up high and it got me where I am today granted it made me a little dead inside but life itself is shit we just have to make it worthwhile with certain sacrifices.

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      awww Meghan its been a long time since we have talked, and I remember how we used to discuss this guy before you were pregnant and even back then I was telling you to get him out of your life!

      You really need to push this guy away and get him out of your life, for you and for your daughter, he sounds like he is gonna be a terrible father, and im sure you will find another guy who will be a great father further down the road :)

      please dont kill yourself, thats the last thing you want to do, you have a responsibility to your daughter, you need to stick in this world for her, and to stay strong, but changes do need to be made and I honestly think you need this guy out of your life, he is a total asshole like I said all that time ago, just get him out of your life, as he seems to be causing you all of your issues and I dont think your mean at all
      [CENTER] [/CENTER]

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Yeah. I'll stick around for her, she's the only reason why I would though. She is actually the best thing that has happened to me. =) I just don't have a clue how to get the guy out of my life, I have tried so many things but I can't be as mean as I should be and either way he'd be around to see our kid so I dunno.. Hopefully I'll figure something out soon.
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Hon, I don't think killing yourself will help you or the situation or your baby girl. It sounds like you need to stand up for yourself. Look at the facts. He lies to you. He had sex with someone else. He forces himself on you. Is that the kind of person you want around your daughter and mother and yourself? Does he help make your life easier? And does he feel bad about him cheating you? If he doesn't, it is best to get him out. He is only making everyone's life miserable, including yours. I hope things work out, pm me if you have any other questions
      Have any other concerns or just want to talk? Go ahead. Pm me.

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Killing yourself wouldnt make any good. You would leave your daughter alone and you would just prove that they were right about you, that you are mean and everything the may say. This may seem like a problem now, but continue living your life you don't what may happen tomorrow if you work hard enough to accomplish your goals. You have fallen down, now you have to stand up and continue, thats the only way we can live in this life.

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      once_in_a_lifetime_luv wrote:

      I've been with the same guy for three years and basically all of it was a lie because he lies all the time and he cheated so I don't know what he has done but hasn't told me and I think about it all the time. there is no way I can get over it because it has been so long and I havn't been able to get over it due to the fact I keep finding out about more lies and he keeps making more.. We have a six month old baby girl together and everytime I look at her I want to cry.. Not all the time but most of the time. The guy, the baby, and I, all live with my mom in a two bedroom apartment and she isn't supportive at all. Anytime I say he needs to sleep on the couch and that he can walk to work she tells me I'M THE MEAN one, even though he deserves it 100%. It's like everyone thinks I should let him walk all over me and treat me badly because my mom is always calling me a pain in the a** and everything. Even though we're broke up right now we still live together and he still gets in my face and kisses me and forces his kisses on me.. I honestly think they are gross ever since I found out he had sex with another girl..
      The only way I feel that I can get away from everything is to just commit suicide and take all the pills inside my bathroom at once.. but when I think about this I cry because that would be leaving my daughter with her horrible father. I don't say he's horrible just because of how he has treated me but he ignores her and doesn't hold her like he should and things like that.. etc etc..
      I don't know what to do..




      He probably is lying because he doesn't want to lose you, which is completely pathetic because he shouldn't fuck up in the first place if you matter to him. The fact that he had sex with another girl is just complete and utter disrespect, and forcing himself on you is absolutely disgusting.

      If you don't want to live for yourself, live for your daughter. A baby needs both a mother and a father, and if your ex boyfriend is a piece of shit, she needs you. Don't listen to your mom, and don't listen to your ex boyfriend. Stick up for yourself and do what makes YOU happy despite what everyone else says. :)

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      I'm thinking about doing it anyway. He'll never leave me alone and he will always force me into things I don't want and I'm not strong enough to call the cops or anything.. I can't stand him and it's the only way out. I don't want to leave my daughter and she's the only reason why I haven't done it but she wouldn't want to see me unhappy like I always am.. I think it'd be better to just go and be done with it.
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Okay I've been in this position too. I tried making a boy want to be with me that never was going to happen, and I felt trapped in my own heartache.

      Ask yourself, there is a reason why you haven't done it yet? Obviously you have a feeling you still want to live.

      Fuck him, who died and made him king of your life? Grow some balls and do something instead of sitting there acting like you can't do anything. Be strong girly.

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      The only problem with your answer is that telling someone to grow some balls doesn't help. I'm stuck between choosing to be with someone in a three bedroom apartment who emotionally abuses and manipulates me or be with my mom in a two bedroom and she has treated me like crap too. For example, when I got my drivers license, she said we should go celebrate and then in the middle of eating she said "so you're paying right?" (she wasn't kidding) so of course feeling obligated, I paid, even though it was suppose to be celebrating my success, and also for my birthday she said she wanted to take me to the mall to get some new clothes and then after buying them she said I needed to pay her most of the money back, not to mention her always telling me my dad never wanted me etc etc, my mom is basically a hag. So stay with someone who treats me like crap or stay with someone who treats me like crap but at least me my ex, and my daughter would be in seperate rooms.. They both treat me bad nd always have so I don't know who to go with, neither one seems better than the other and my mom seems to be on his side telling ME to be nice and things like that when I shouldn't have to be.
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Is there a friend that would let you stay with them for a while until you can get a place for just you and your daughter?
      [LEFT][SIZE=2]"Adapt and Overcome"[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [RIGHT]"Funny how the truth sounds so cliche"[/RIGHT]
      [RIGHT]~Jack Ingram[/RIGHT]
      [CENTER]
      [SIZE=1][/SIZE][/CENTER]

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Actually no, I only have one friend where we live and her boyfriend is like WAY abusive, he hits her and all sorts of things so there is no way I will put my baby in that situation. I moved here about 8 months ago, it's six hours away from where I use to live and I don't know anyone, neither does my ex, which is why he isn't gone yet. If he had family here I would have booted him already.
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      Do not leave your daughter! She needs you becuase without you she has no idol no role model to grow up with. I say because he's done something like that to you, make him pull his own weight, make him help with the baby stuff, make his pay for some essentials (no luxuries). He needs to realise what he done has really hurt you, and even though you dont want to be with him, you want him to help with the situation HE has got you both into. You tell him that he pushes you to your limits and that he's the one thats caused these problems and he should have some part to play in the babies life but not yours
      DON'T DO DRUGS! OR YOU END UP LIKE ME! :p

    • Re: Thinking I should just kill myself

      :) I know. I've gotten through my depressed moment for the most part. I will never leave my daughter, she is my everything, I just get depressed being a mommy sometimes but then I realize that I love it and I love seeing her smile at me first thing when she wakes up. Thank you though. I have been getting her dad to get off his butt and do stuff, it's great. I just sit there and argue with him to do it until he finally does it. :P Gotta do it somehow right?
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."