Well, I am in a little bit of a situation here.. a quite emotional one.. big story, will say in short..

Loved a girl since I was 12. She never liked me (I believe). I loved her more than anything else, could give my own life if she asks anytime for it. It was like that for about 4 years until we moved out of the city to a new city. At first I dint understand, if it was love or no, but slowly I found it was something like, my soul was transferred into her and I was like a hollow being. I had no contact with her and nothing, but still loved her and still do more than anything. Its like I worship her. After I finished college I wanted her badly. I still cannot like any girl as I feel guilt. Its like I just want her. I got no gf yet, no girl friend yet. Its like a strange feeling, dunno what it is.

I contacted her about 8 months back. We talked over the phone, and later I went to her home to meet her. we talked, and she said she was gonna marry. I care too much for her and I know, love is not possessing, but it is rather sacrificing. She asked me never to call her up or come back in her life. I obeyed.
But now its only a few months she is gonna get married. I hold no grudges, and nothing. I am just happy for her, but its kinda killing me from inside. As days passes on, the feeling is hurting real bad. I took up smoking & drinking heavily to try and forget this pain, but till now its of no aid. I have a good job and nearly everything but nothing really attracts me. I even took up biking and photography (just to get lost somewhere in the wild and forget her).

Please tell me what to do. This feeling from inside is killing me. She never understood me, nor she ever will. I tried my best to forget her, but I failed.