I am looking for advice and experience people have had establishing physical boundaries in a long term committed relationship.
Background:
My Girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year and have a very strong healthy relationship. We do not focus on physical interaction as a basis for this relationship, however as two people attracted to each other often find happening we do practice our limited version of physical intimacy relatively often.
We have established that sex should wait for marriage, and limited our current boundaries to nothing below the clothing and no touching of the given sexual areas on our bodies respectively. We of course kiss and or make out as well as "dry Humping" (I apologize for the lack of a better term).
Our boundaries are currently static and we intend to progress them along in a manner that will spread out sexual activity during our dating relationship or as we become ready.
However we are having two difficulties.
1. We frequently break our boundaries during intimacy.
2. We have no system to determine when boundaries should be progressed.
Each time we have broken our boundaries we have had a talk about the break and our boundaries and do a checkup essentially. We communicate often.
However I am worried that without a way to establish dynamic boundaries that can evolve with our relationship we will simply fail to change them.
That said I am very happy with our boundaries now but simply worried about our ability to change and evolve them smoothly without relying on breaking them in the first place as the mechanism that allows us to re-examine.
We also have some minor difficulties confronting sexual issues directly. We are both aware of them but shy to frankly and openly discuss them.
Most sites on the internet propose extremely rigid boundaries that would in my mind do more to stifle the relationship than allow a natural growth that checks hormones. Further no one discusses how to evolve which means they assume you go from only kissing with no tongue and your bodies 5 feet apart to your weeding night where you have sex which sounds absurd to me!
So I am looking for anyone who is willing to offer advice on the issue or my specific situation, but more generally someone who has been through this or is going through it and has a system they use or suggestions to consider for establishing these boundaries and clearly evolving them.
Thanks,
Background:
My Girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year and have a very strong healthy relationship. We do not focus on physical interaction as a basis for this relationship, however as two people attracted to each other often find happening we do practice our limited version of physical intimacy relatively often.
We have established that sex should wait for marriage, and limited our current boundaries to nothing below the clothing and no touching of the given sexual areas on our bodies respectively. We of course kiss and or make out as well as "dry Humping" (I apologize for the lack of a better term).
Our boundaries are currently static and we intend to progress them along in a manner that will spread out sexual activity during our dating relationship or as we become ready.
However we are having two difficulties.
1. We frequently break our boundaries during intimacy.
2. We have no system to determine when boundaries should be progressed.
Each time we have broken our boundaries we have had a talk about the break and our boundaries and do a checkup essentially. We communicate often.
However I am worried that without a way to establish dynamic boundaries that can evolve with our relationship we will simply fail to change them.
That said I am very happy with our boundaries now but simply worried about our ability to change and evolve them smoothly without relying on breaking them in the first place as the mechanism that allows us to re-examine.
We also have some minor difficulties confronting sexual issues directly. We are both aware of them but shy to frankly and openly discuss them.
Most sites on the internet propose extremely rigid boundaries that would in my mind do more to stifle the relationship than allow a natural growth that checks hormones. Further no one discusses how to evolve which means they assume you go from only kissing with no tongue and your bodies 5 feet apart to your weeding night where you have sex which sounds absurd to me!
So I am looking for anyone who is willing to offer advice on the issue or my specific situation, but more generally someone who has been through this or is going through it and has a system they use or suggestions to consider for establishing these boundaries and clearly evolving them.
Thanks,