Ok so I really can't do this for much longer I really want to kill myself but I don't have a good plan yet. And I can't risk it failing because I really hate hospitals like I am actually scared of them. And I couldn't bare to be in one so i have to have a plan that is going to work. I mean I am scared of people in general especially adults and I have bad trust issues as well. I normally cut when I feel like this and I probably will later but I have been cutting a lot in the last couple of days I think one day I did over 340 cuts and the next I did more than that but I didn't count. I just keep doing more and more and they aren't helping as much as they used to. I just really want to die. I have been to 4 different doctors about this and I tried talking to hotlines but all of that has just made it worse. I can't talk to my parents because I am scared of them and I can't talk to the teachers at school because I am scared of them to. I would talk to some of my friends as they are about the only people I am not scared of but I don't know if they even like me or if they are just to nice to tell me to piss off. I just want to die so badly I don't even deserve to live. I can't do this anymore I guess I have a plan that might work if I have to use it but if anyone has any other ideas that would be helpful. Not that I deserve them but.......

I am not really scaredfor a reason per say but I am just really scared. And the only people I trust are my friends but they don't care to hear about this sort of stuff so yeah. But thanks