My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

    • My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

      First off we were using protection but not all the time
      Due to the fact that I had three different obgyn doctors tell me I was infertile and that I would never have kids unless I adopted.
      But anyways back last april My fiance went through a testicular cancer scare they had found a lump in his baby makers, and the xrays etc looked like he did have cancer but it ended up being some rare infection.
      But anyways in april I started asking him to get condoms but he would change the subject & make up excuses to why he couldn't buy them.
      So in July I found out I was 11 weeks pregnant wasn't to happy about that but anyways my daughter was born a month ago. But 2 weeks ago My fiance admitted that he had been trying to get me pregnant because he was afraid that if he did have testicular cancer that he would never have kids, so he had and managed to get me pregnant.
      I need advice on how to talk to him about how upset I am that instead of talking to me about it and it being a mutual agreement of sorts than me having to deal with the fact that I was pregnant
      Why is this such a big deal well I was pretty much in job corps I was finally getting my life on track, getting things going for myself & than i became pregnant and I now couldnt do anything that I was planning. & now getting any kind of education is going to be a lot harder because now we have a baby to take care of... I love her & I'm happy she came into my life she is the best thing to ever happen to me but after finding this information out I now hold some resentment to my fiance because I feel like he didn't think about my life and where it was going & was selfish & did what he wanted not caring if I was finally getting on my own two feet and becoming independent, So yeah I know this is long but Advice on how I can talk to him about this without starting a huge fight

    • Re: My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

      Whether it was n purpose or not, you chose to have the baby...

      However, regarding the BF, I do think he is selffish to have thought of getting you pregnant in the first place, and then even more so for thinking of telling you that after the baby was born.


      I guess dumping him now doesnt make much sense though...

      law suit maybe???

    • Re: My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

      You're in a tough position because if you dump him, you will be left to raise his child alone.

      What he did was terrible, but you have to take ownership for your situation. You allowed it.

      Maybe you two can go to counseling together to try to work through it? If you can't afford it then you have to decide if you want to go it alone. Otherwise, you have to forgive him and move on.
      Author of the love and relationship advice blog Staked in the Heart stakedintheheart.com/

    • Re: My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

      He shouldn't of done it in that way, its both your faults for getting pregnant for not ALWAYS using condoms, you could of just refused if he wanted to have sex without one. And a lawsuit wouldn't really work unless you consider it rape, which you don't I believe?

      Now, to be a good role model and a good mother, be there for your daughter but still take care of yourself. Education isn't over, just will be tougher. Get a daycare or something to watch your kid while you're in school or something.

      To talk with him, why not sit down and tell him you weren't happy with what he did. Its a little too late for the conversation now so I really have no idea what to tell you. You should of thought about this while you were pregnant.

    • Re: My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

      Yeah I plan on going to a community college once I start getting her on a schedule
      @Riot he told me after she was born that he was trying too. During the pregnancy he lead me to believe that he thought the same thing as I that she was unplanned.
      I haven't talked to him yet I just have never had something like this ever happen in my life. When he told me I went completely silent so I know maybe he has a clue that I wasn't to happy but I know he doesn't know the full extent of it.
      I have moved on from it pretty much can't go back and change the past. & I wouldn't now even if I had the chance. I just want to talk to him about it so he knows exactly how I feel lol
      But thanks for all the advice
      l

    • Re: My Fiance got me pregnant On purpose

      I would be seriously hurt and angry to feel like my partner deceived me like that. Choosing to have a child should be a mutual choice, not one that my partner makes for me. That's not the good basis for a relationship and I'd feel like my partner conciously took that choice away from me. Not a good place for me to be.

      Generally, being upfront and straight-forward is the best way to go. Try to keep the conversation focused on you (how you feel, how you reacted) and less on him (his mistakes, what he did, how he made you feel). When you use a lot of "you" terms people tend to feel attacked and get defensive, and then they shut down and stop listening since they're too busy thinking of their next attack phrase in the conversation.

      Sometimes, for me, writing things down or even writing a letter to my partner can be a good way for me to communicate. When I'm face-to-face I often feel hurt and sad and get so overwhelmed with emotion that I just want to cry and verbally shut down. Having a list of what I want to say or even writing a letter to my partner is a good way for me to ensure that all my thoughts get put out in the open and that I say everything that I need to and want to say.