I walked, one day, to the garden of Eden,
And sat under the forbidden tree,
Tasting the fruit that the good lord provided,
Wondering how he’d punish me.
And when he did come, I took up a stick,
I pushed the fruit onto the end,
And rested it over the flame of a fire,
God embraced me like an old friend.

We sat and we drank mead all night long,
Telling each other tales of fools,
Eventually we were pissed and burst into song,
About girls and kings who were cruel.
And when quite sedated and in need of rest,
We joked about women who were hairy,
I had seen many an unshaven woman,
But God had only seen Mary.

He told me of how he had fooled the world,
Into thinking this lady had never touched a cock,
‘But if truth be told,’ he spoke unto me,
‘You could tell she had been around the block!’
We both shared a giggle and a high five,
And I said ‘What about the guy?’
He said ‘You mean the one they crucified?
He was a wanker and deserved to die.’

Well eventually, the morning broke,
And we woke, with him on top of me.
We had a quick kiss and one little fondle,
And got dressed before the angels saw me.
I picked myself up, brushed off my tail and said,
‘God, this has indeed, been quite swell.’
We said our goodbyes, a single tear in our eyes,
And I made my way back down to hell.