This is a very close subject for me. And I guess for a lot of teens too.
I'm just in a bad mood tonight and I want to get a few things out. Don't really know where this should be either, so mods, if it's wrong, I'm sorry.
In 2002, my childhood friend (we had grown up from the age of 5 together - school, scouts etc) died of a heart attack. He had a known heart condition that ran in his family and we knew that it could happen any time. But for an 11 year old kid to accept that his 10 year old friend had a heart attack is something that is extremely hard. 10 year olds don't fucking have heart attacks, 70 year olds do!
He was mega into Dragon Ball Z, which was the craze at the time, and his coffin was painted DBZ blue, with stickers and figures all through/over it. I don't remember much of his funeral, but I do find myself thinking about this quite a bit.
In 2003, my great uncle died. I never met him, but apparently he was the character of the family, the one who was always making people laugh. He was one of 7 brothers in his family who went to WWII, and one of 7 to come back. This was an amaing feat for the day, and I am proud to say I am related to him. He was old and died of natural causes.
In 2004, I had 3 lots of surgery. 2 upon my ear (I had a non cancerous tumour, which would've killed me anyway by eating into my brain) and 1 upon my feet/toes (I had extremely bad ingrown toe nails. My school work was knocked back a lot in this year (it was my first year of high school), and I am still missing knowledge because of time off school and the lack of concentration levels due to always being in pain. To this day, I still only have 30 % hearing in my right ear, and I can't get water in it.
Also, my friend's dad died in 2004 too. He died in a car accident - hit by a truck. His identical twin was at the funeral - weirdest thing I've ever experienced. I still get shivers riding or driving past the accident site, and I still feel he's watching over me. He was a great father, and a great friend.
In 2005, my best friend since half way through primary school (about 8 or 9 years old) got himself into a lot of trouble and was diagnosed with clinical depression. The doctors and his family did all they could, but unfortunately, he chose to take his own life. This was the single most hardest thing I've ever been through and I don't wish it upon anyone. Soon after, I was diagnosed with depression also and I still have problems. I am off medication at the moment, but I still have bad days. My music and poetry has helped release anger and emotion I feel towards a lot of things, and Meeckal's death did make me angry.
I am a fucked up kid. I have problems, and I accept that. What I don't accept though, is people labelling me 'emo' 'cause I choose to seclude myself from things. What I don't accept is people not accepting me into their society, becase I'm different and I dress differently. What I don't accept is people not accepting me into society because I like boys as well as girls. What I don't accept is people labelling me a nerd because I'm interested in politics and how pathetic I find it all. I'm sick of being treated like shit by my classmates because I have an opinion of my own and I'm not afraid to say it, however risque it may be. I'm sick of the shit I have to go through week in and week out - the problems I am faced with, my own, and other peoples, and those that every teenager faces.
I hate not being able to punch a shit load of people in the face, and you may likely be someone I want to punch in the face. I have attempted suicide, I write poetry (depressing and not so depressing), I write lyrics and songs and I am an individual. Is that so hard to accept?
Fuck all the people that don't like me. Fuck all the people that have told me I'm worthless and that my dream will amount to nothing. And fuck all the people that don't stick up for their beliefs and rights, 'cause it makes the people like me seem more 'out there' and more fucked up compared to the rest of my peers.
Rant over. I'm not sorry I'm the way I am. And although I may sound very angry and emotional...I am a nice guy. Just don't judge me 'cause of my music choice or my dress sense.
I'm just in a bad mood tonight and I want to get a few things out. Don't really know where this should be either, so mods, if it's wrong, I'm sorry.
In 2002, my childhood friend (we had grown up from the age of 5 together - school, scouts etc) died of a heart attack. He had a known heart condition that ran in his family and we knew that it could happen any time. But for an 11 year old kid to accept that his 10 year old friend had a heart attack is something that is extremely hard. 10 year olds don't fucking have heart attacks, 70 year olds do!
He was mega into Dragon Ball Z, which was the craze at the time, and his coffin was painted DBZ blue, with stickers and figures all through/over it. I don't remember much of his funeral, but I do find myself thinking about this quite a bit.
In 2003, my great uncle died. I never met him, but apparently he was the character of the family, the one who was always making people laugh. He was one of 7 brothers in his family who went to WWII, and one of 7 to come back. This was an amaing feat for the day, and I am proud to say I am related to him. He was old and died of natural causes.
In 2004, I had 3 lots of surgery. 2 upon my ear (I had a non cancerous tumour, which would've killed me anyway by eating into my brain) and 1 upon my feet/toes (I had extremely bad ingrown toe nails. My school work was knocked back a lot in this year (it was my first year of high school), and I am still missing knowledge because of time off school and the lack of concentration levels due to always being in pain. To this day, I still only have 30 % hearing in my right ear, and I can't get water in it.
Also, my friend's dad died in 2004 too. He died in a car accident - hit by a truck. His identical twin was at the funeral - weirdest thing I've ever experienced. I still get shivers riding or driving past the accident site, and I still feel he's watching over me. He was a great father, and a great friend.
In 2005, my best friend since half way through primary school (about 8 or 9 years old) got himself into a lot of trouble and was diagnosed with clinical depression. The doctors and his family did all they could, but unfortunately, he chose to take his own life. This was the single most hardest thing I've ever been through and I don't wish it upon anyone. Soon after, I was diagnosed with depression also and I still have problems. I am off medication at the moment, but I still have bad days. My music and poetry has helped release anger and emotion I feel towards a lot of things, and Meeckal's death did make me angry.
I am a fucked up kid. I have problems, and I accept that. What I don't accept though, is people labelling me 'emo' 'cause I choose to seclude myself from things. What I don't accept is people not accepting me into their society, becase I'm different and I dress differently. What I don't accept is people not accepting me into society because I like boys as well as girls. What I don't accept is people labelling me a nerd because I'm interested in politics and how pathetic I find it all. I'm sick of being treated like shit by my classmates because I have an opinion of my own and I'm not afraid to say it, however risque it may be. I'm sick of the shit I have to go through week in and week out - the problems I am faced with, my own, and other peoples, and those that every teenager faces.
I hate not being able to punch a shit load of people in the face, and you may likely be someone I want to punch in the face. I have attempted suicide, I write poetry (depressing and not so depressing), I write lyrics and songs and I am an individual. Is that so hard to accept?
Fuck all the people that don't like me. Fuck all the people that have told me I'm worthless and that my dream will amount to nothing. And fuck all the people that don't stick up for their beliefs and rights, 'cause it makes the people like me seem more 'out there' and more fucked up compared to the rest of my peers.
Rant over. I'm not sorry I'm the way I am. And although I may sound very angry and emotional...I am a nice guy. Just don't judge me 'cause of my music choice or my dress sense.
[CENTER][SIZE=1][SIGPIC]http://img513.imageshack.us/my.php?image=banksy10243ee2.jpg[/SIGPIC]
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[SIZE=2]It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
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[/SIZE][SIZE=1][SIZE=2]It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
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