I'd forgotten what depression is. I'd forgotten what it's like to know how worthless I really am. But it comes back eventually. It always comes back.
I'm so tired. I'm tired of living, tired of feeling this way tired of being someone who knows that her own worth is less than a McDouble at McDonald's.
I've always wanted friends. I thought I had that, but when I fell back into this dark hole, one that they helped put me in, I realized I was alone. I am alone. I wish I had what other people had, a life full of caring people, people they know they can rely on. Or perhaps that is just an image maintained by society today? Does anyone really have real friends anymore?
Today was the first time cutting for so long. First time being in a serious depressed state in so long. I thought it was over. I was wrong. It's never over.
I'm such a coward. I want to die and I've tried so many times yet for some reason, I keep surviving. I keep breathing. Why? Why am I still here? I don't belong here. I need to get away. I don't do anything for this blackened earth. I am merely a waste of space. I've no talents nor skills that would do anyone any good. I am a failure at everything I do and I can only drag other people down. What good is a person like me?
I don't really feel like typing anymore. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
I'm so tired. I'm tired of living, tired of feeling this way tired of being someone who knows that her own worth is less than a McDouble at McDonald's.
I've always wanted friends. I thought I had that, but when I fell back into this dark hole, one that they helped put me in, I realized I was alone. I am alone. I wish I had what other people had, a life full of caring people, people they know they can rely on. Or perhaps that is just an image maintained by society today? Does anyone really have real friends anymore?
Today was the first time cutting for so long. First time being in a serious depressed state in so long. I thought it was over. I was wrong. It's never over.
I'm such a coward. I want to die and I've tried so many times yet for some reason, I keep surviving. I keep breathing. Why? Why am I still here? I don't belong here. I need to get away. I don't do anything for this blackened earth. I am merely a waste of space. I've no talents nor skills that would do anyone any good. I am a failure at everything I do and I can only drag other people down. What good is a person like me?
I don't really feel like typing anymore. I just want to sleep and never wake up.