Is being individual or being your real self as acceptable as people say?

BJade · Aug 10th 2021, 10:56am

Is being individual or being your real self as acceptable as people say?

Its something I've experienced so many times from people (randoms on the street, class mates, some family members) judging you for what you wear, or how you act. Making you feel that anything that doesn't fit what is seen as the "normal" isn't allowed. I'm not even sure it's a confidence thing, it's a I just can't deal with the constant remarks

And the story of this girl made me think how much I can relate to

metro.co.uk/2021/08/08/leeds-g…ng-suit-to-prom-15057676/

I love what shes wearing and would be someone I'd spend a prom with (much more than the "popular" girls). Its so sad people put her down, the same people that probably tell there own kids to be themselves, or they can be who ever they want to be

Abbi06 · Aug 10th 2021, 11:00am

I quite like what she is wearing it looks smart, it shouldn’t matter what others think and it was wrong for adults to be laughing at her they wouldn’t like it if it was their child been laughed at

joannainthemiddle · Aug 10th 2021, 1:00pm

I wonder how much of this story is exaggerated so that her parents can get her picture in the news to cheer her up. But she should be allowed to wear what she wants and I think if it did happen it was very mean. People are going to make judgments about other people all the time and the only thing people can base the judgments on is what they experience that is how someone dresses or behaves. It's really good that you want to do what you want to do but if you wear something unusual it's pretty clear that other people will notice that. If somebody says 'that's not allowed' then they are wrong. But if it's how you feel they are thinking, maybe it is that you are feeling something that isn''t really happening. Like somebody could notice a boy with long dyed hair maybe, and look at him because it's unusual. The boy might then feel that 'anything that doesn't fit isn't acceptable'. But nobody's actually said that, and perhaps they don't even think it, they just look at him because it is unusual to see that.

There will be people who do think unusual things shouldn't be allowed. I hope that you will have the courage to say, well, actually, I'm going to do it anyway. Because only by doing this can someone show that he has his own spirit. I think you will do this BJade!

kathyFL · Aug 10th 2021, 1:13pm

I think it is horrible what happen to her because what she is wearing is nice. Its not loud or weird in any way. If that happen to me then those adults might of gotten beat up by my mom. I admit I have been judgy sometimes but Im trying to get better at it and be more understanding like the count to 10 before you lose it.

I hope this girl is surrounded by love and can brush this off for what it is. Adults doing stupid stuff.

BJade · Aug 10th 2021, 3:55pm

joannainthemiddle wrote:

I wonder how much of this story is exaggerated so that her parents can get her picture in the news to cheer her up...

I might think that if I hadn't seen people having a similar opinion over girls not wearing a dress to prom at my school. A girl having to ask if she's allowed to wear a suit, and some people saying they don't think she should be allowed. And even quietly talking amongst themselves about her wearing that when were getting photos, all dressed up with there friends. (It wasn't me if your asking, was a friend of my brother)

Also know a school where the requirements were girls HAD to wear a dress, and couldn't be anything to extreme

----

I did once get told I wouldn't be allowed to go to my grandads funeral by an aunt if I wore anything "extreme or inappropriate", so instead of something nice he'd probably have liked (and have a little colour respectfully) I just went in my school stuff (and still got a sarcastic "that's what your wearing"), and felt kinda unwelcome from that part of my family

but did have some people there who did make me feel

(as much as you can at a funeral)

So yeah some of the looks people give you might be just bad in your mind, but I've heard so many comments about me or other people, that I'm not sure if its really all in the mind.

With the thing about a boy with long dyed hair I did know one and people
called him a girl, said he needs to get it cut, and come out with all sortsa comments. And that's mostly what I can base things on

Yep there probably a minority, but over so many areas of my life theres those comments: music I like, people I'd look up to, my interests, being a blond girl and not being dumb. So everything I feel uncomfortable with is something someone has commented about

And this is way too long :sleeping:

kathyFL · Aug 10th 2021, 4:03pm

BJade - sorry about your Grandad. It sounds like you were close which makes it horrible what your Aunt was saying. I know we have to have rules for things but that is mostly because of the enviroment. Like traffic laws or being quiet in a library. But it is so stupid to exclude people for what they are wearing like that or like what happen to you. It was wrong for her to not accept how you handle things. That is what it is about. To honor those that pass and celebrate their life. That is how it was explained to me.

joannainthemiddle · Aug 10th 2021, 4:12pm

BJade wrote:

joannainthemiddle wrote:

I wonder how much of this story is exaggerated so that her parents can get her picture in the news to cheer her up...

And this is way too long

The last thing you said that it's way too long isn't right, well not for me anyway, it's good that you've thought about what I wrote thank you, but the rest I'll have to think about before I can reply ...

BJade · Aug 10th 2021, 5:12pm

kathyFL wrote:

BJade - sorry about your Grandad. It sounds like you were close which makes it horrible what your Aunt was saying. I know we have to have rules for things but that is mostly because of the enviroment. Like traffic laws or being quiet in a library. But it is so stupid to exclude people for what they are wearing like that or like what happen to you. It was wrong for her to not accept how you handle things. That is what it is about. To honor those that pass and celebrate their life. That is how it was explained to me.

Yeah if I was gonna go in a Hawaiian shirt (unless that's asked for) it wouldn't be appropriate. But it would probably have been something like the tops of this

Or maybe a little skirt like this

With trousers or leggings under (cause I don't like showing my legs, and was cold) just something a little shiny. And was more like a long top than an actual dress

But being fancy or creative

plain dress was all that would be ok (and back then I wasn't wearing a dress ever)

Now I'm older I probably would have worn something like that. More confident, and adult, than when I was 13

kathyFL · Aug 10th 2021, 5:43pm

Those clothes are really cool.

Starlord · Aug 29th 2021, 3:37pm

BJade wrote:

Is being individual or being your real self as acceptable as people say?

Its something I've experienced so many times from people (randoms on the street, class mates, some family members) judging you for what you wear, or how you act. Making you feel that anything that doesn't fit what is seen as the "normal" isn't allowed. I'm not even sure it's a confidence thing, it's a I just can't deal with the constant remarks

And the story of this girl made me think how much I can relate to

metro.co.uk/2021/08/08/leeds-g…ng-suit-to-prom-15057676/

I love what shes wearing and would be someone I'd spend a prom with (much more than the "popular" girls). Its so sad people put her down, the same people that probably tell there own kids to be themselves, or they can be who ever they want to be

Honestly, I find a suit like this for an 11 yo is just ridiculous. Her mother shouldn't even have allowed that...

But parents picking on a little girl and mocking her, that's just... crual

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