Confused

    • Confused

      Right. I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis or freak out or something. I dont know who I am anymore. Sorry in advance for rambling on. I tend to do this in situations like this.

      I slept over at my friends house last night. Hes come out as gay a while ago. He told me months before anyone else so that's the level of friendship we have. I mean we've been friends since like pre kindergarten. I've had some intrest in trying out jerking off with a friend and figured he would be the one most likely to not be weirded out by me asking, and he was up for it.

      Bypass the details of what happened, it basically turned into us doing everything but sex. Thats shock 1 for me. Shock 2 was I was the one who kept pushing things further. Shock 3 is what's completely making me question who I am as a person, I enjoyed all of it. None of it felt wrong like OMG stop this right now this isn't right. I've never been attracted to boys before. I mean sometimes I see someone and think he's pretty cute but once I actually realize I had the thought I stop myself from thinking it because it's insane. It's not who I am. I'm supposed to like girls.

      What's making this even more confusing is I have a girlfriend. I like her. We kiss. That doesn't feel wrong with her. We haven't done other stuff yet though. Is it not going to feel right with her? I don't know what to think anymore
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • My aunt is a psychologist and said before that most people are not all the way straight, or all the way gay. Even people who identify as straight or gay may have moments where their attracted to the gender they normally wouldn't be, or not even to "them" but to sex stuff with them. We're also young so you shouldn't feel like you need to have your identity set for your life. Just be you and enjoy what you enjoy... but don't fool around with someone else while you have a girlfriend unless she's aware of it and ok with it. Break it off if you aren't wanting to commit to her.

    • It's definitely interesting what your aunt says. It doesn't unconfuse me much though. I'm just reevaluating my life now wondering if I've been denying who I'm really attracted to

      cheergirl wrote:

      but don't fool around with someone else while you have a girlfriend unless she's aware of it and ok with it. Break it off if you aren't wanting to commit to her.
      I didn't intend on it turning into what it did beforehand. I certainly dont want to do anything to hurt her
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      Right. I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis or freak out or something. I dont know who I am anymore. Sorry in advance for rambling on. I tend to do this in situations like this.

      I slept over at my friends house last night. Hes come out as gay a while ago. He told me months before anyone else so that's the level of friendship we have. I mean we've been friends since like pre kindergarten. I've had some intrest in trying out jerking off with a friend and figured he would be the one most likely to not be weirded out by me asking, and he was up for it.

      Bypass the details of what happened, it basically turned into us doing everything but sex. Thats shock 1 for me. Shock 2 was I was the one who kept pushing things further. Shock 3 is what's completely making me question who I am as a person, I enjoyed all of it. None of it felt wrong like OMG stop this right now this isn't right. I've never been attracted to boys before. I mean sometimes I see someone and think he's pretty cute but once I actually realize I had the thought I stop myself from thinking it because it's insane. It's not who I am. I'm supposed to like girls.

      What's making this even more confusing is I have a girlfriend. I like her. We kiss. That doesn't feel wrong with her. We haven't done other stuff yet though. Is it not going to feel right with her? I don't know what to think anymore
      You're 13, with all that goes with being a boy in puberty, mostly raging hormones. Absolutely nothing wrong with what you guys did, or that you enjoyed it. First time exploring sex and with someone you're close to, is something a lot of boys wish they could do. Even those that once puberty ends no longer want to. Relax and enjoy being with your girl. And your friend too if you decide to be intimate with him more

    • maseb wrote:

      You're 13, with all that goes with being a boy in puberty, mostly raging hormones. Absolutely nothing wrong with what you guys did, or that you enjoyed it. First time exploring sex and with someone you're close to, is something a lot of boys wish they could do. Even those that once puberty ends no longer want to. Relax and enjoy being with your girl. And your friend too if you decide to be intimate with him more
      I've been thinking about your reply all day. Its interesting. I've been thinking about my friend differently since Saturday night. I've been starting to think I might be gay but maybe you are right. I'm just exploring my sexuality. I want to do more with him, this makes me feel better about it I guess
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      maseb wrote:

      You're 13, with all that goes with being a boy in puberty, mostly raging hormones. Absolutely nothing wrong with what you guys did, or that you enjoyed it. First time exploring sex and with someone you're close to, is something a lot of boys wish they could do. Even those that once puberty ends no longer want to. Relax and enjoy being with your girl. And your friend too if you decide to be intimate with him more
      I've been thinking about your reply all day. Its interesting. I've been thinking about my friend differently since Saturday night. I've been starting to think I might be gay but maybe you are right. I'm just exploring my sexuality. I want to do more with him, this makes me feel better about it I guess
      the others mostly expressed what i would have said lol. Just remember bisexuality can be a thing and you're young, lots of ppl experiment during puberty or just feel horny. Try not to worry too much. Friends jerking off together or doing each other is fine but dont have sex with him if you're dating cause thats unfaithful.

      I think you're just intimate with a friend and trying to experiment.

    • DragonV2 wrote:

      the others mostly expressed what i would have said lol. Just remember bisexuality can be a thing and you're young, lots of ppl experiment during puberty or just feel horny. Try not to worry too much. Friends jerking off together or doing each other is fine but dont have sex with him if you're dating cause thats unfaithful.
      I think you're just intimate with a friend and trying to experiment.
      I didn't think about being bisexual but maybe that makes more sense. I dont know. I'm ok with the idea of it just being experimenting with my friend I guess. How much could I do with him while still being faithful to my girlfriend though?
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • notthatchrisevans wrote:

      I know it's confusing, but try not to worry about it too much. Maybe you like boys, maybe you like girls, maybe you like both. Honestly, who cares?
      The only thing to keep in mind, I think, is not to hurt your girlfriend. If you two are serious, I don't think you should be sneaking around her back.
      Thinking about it the past few days especially with all the advice given by everyone, I dont know why I care so much about this. It's like I need to know what I am even though I know it doesn't matter right now which doesn't make sense
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      Right. I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis or freak out or something. I dont know who I am anymore. Sorry in advance for rambling on. I tend to do this in situations like this.

      I slept over at my friends house last night. Hes come out as gay a while ago. He told me months before anyone else so that's the level of friendship we have. I mean we've been friends since like pre kindergarten. I've had some intrest in trying out jerking off with a friend and figured he would be the one most likely to not be weirded out by me asking, and he was up for it.

      Bypass the details of what happened, it basically turned into us doing everything but sex. Thats shock 1 for me. Shock 2 was I was the one who kept pushing things further. Shock 3 is what's completely making me question who I am as a person, I enjoyed all of it. None of it felt wrong like OMG stop this right now this isn't right. I've never been attracted to boys before. I mean sometimes I see someone and think he's pretty cute but once I actually realize I had the thought I stop myself from thinking it because it's insane. It's not who I am. I'm supposed to like girls.

      What's making this even more confusing is I have a girlfriend. I like her. We kiss. That doesn't feel wrong with her. We haven't done other stuff yet though. Is it not going to feel right with her? I don't know what to think anymore
      What are your feelings for your friend ?
      Are you attracted to him ?
      Was it just sexual and for the fun ? Or is there more to it ?

    • Starlord wrote:

      What are your feelings for your friend ?Are you attracted to him ?
      Was it just sexual and for the fun ? Or is there more to it ?
      My feelings for him, or at least how I think about him has certainly changed since that night we did stuff together. I find myself thinking about him in ways I haven't thought about him or any boy before. I always dismiss feelings or thoughts I might have about a boy because it's not normal. I'm supposed to like girls, that's normal. I mean he's not bad looking I guess and he has a lot of good qualities on the inside which is good. Going into that night with him wasn't supposed to be anything more than just jerking off together to experience it. Everything else I kept pushing us to do wasn't planned and it shocked me afterwards that I pushed for it all. And yes since that night I've been thinking about wanting to do more stuff with him and I can't get him out of my mind
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      Starlord wrote:

      What are your feelings for your friend ?Are you attracted to him ?
      Was it just sexual and for the fun ? Or is there more to it ?
      My feelings for him, or at least how I think about him has certainly changed since that night we did stuff together. I find myself thinking about him in ways I haven't thought about him or any boy before. I always dismiss feelings or thoughts I might have about a boy because it's not normal. I'm supposed to like girls, that's normal. I mean he's not bad looking I guess and he has a lot of good qualities on the inside which is good. Going into that night with him wasn't supposed to be anything more than just jerking off together to experience it. Everything else I kept pushing us to do wasn't planned and it shocked me afterwards that I pushed for it all. And yes since that night I've been thinking about wanting to do more stuff with him and I can't get him out of my mind
      Normal is whatever you are, not what other people tell you to be. And having a crush on another boy, especially one you know well is also normal.

    • maseb wrote:

      Normal is whatever you are, not what other people tell you to be. And having a crush on another boy, especially one you know well is also normal.
      Ok so accepting that this is "normal", is this really a crush? Maybe I'm just stupid and can't make sense of this but having a crush on him feels like a huge deal to me like my world being turned upside down huge deal. My parents have always said I'm a very need the answer type of person. Being in a relationship with a girl while having a crush on a boy doesn't answer anything for me. Who am I meant to be? Who do I follow?
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      maseb wrote:

      Normal is whatever you are, not what other people tell you to be. And having a crush on another boy, especially one you know well is also normal.
      Ok so accepting that this is "normal", is this really a crush? Maybe I'm just stupid and can't make sense of this but having a crush on him feels like a huge deal to me like my world being turned upside down huge deal. My parents have always said I'm a very need the answer type of person. Being in a relationship with a girl while having a crush on a boy doesn't answer anything for me. Who am I meant to be? Who do I follow?
      I know what you're going through coz the same thing is happening to me, I had severall girlfriends before, never was attracted to a boy (and god knows my best friend is cute and cool lol), then a couple months ago I had a crush on this newcomer of a boy.
      As you said, then my world crumbles.
      I posted a thread here about it, I'm not sure there is really a reason why him in particular, and not other boys that are also cute and cool and which I know far better.
      I guess you dont have to look for a reason, just that " it's like that, there is no real explaination"
      Do you think you could engage in a couple relationship with him ? Like do stuff together, go to the cinema as 2 lovers, spend an afternoon with him, and all that ?

    • Judenator wrote:

      maseb wrote:

      Normal is whatever you are, not what other people tell you to be. And having a crush on another boy, especially one you know well is also normal.
      Ok so accepting that this is "normal", is this really a crush? Maybe I'm just stupid and can't make sense of this but having a crush on him feels like a huge deal to me like my world being turned upside down huge deal. My parents have always said I'm a very need the answer type of person. Being in a relationship with a girl while having a crush on a boy doesn't answer anything for me. Who am I meant to be? Who do I follow?
      Hey Jude, I know what you are going through because I went though it myself. I'm a little bit older than you, gay, have a boyfriend and am comfortable with who I am. The best advice I have for you is follow your heart and don't freak out. This will all work out in time. If you have feelings for him, go with it. If you want to experiment with him, do so. If you feel overwhelming guilt, that is another story but something you need to work out. The biggest thing is relax and try and go with the flow. You said you didn't have sex with him, and I'm not even sure what that means, but I'm assuming you had oral based on what you wrote. I didn't cross the full on sex bridge with my boyfriend until I knew for certain.

    • Starlord wrote:

      Do you think you could engage in a couple relationship with him ? Like do stuff together, go to the cinema as 2 lovers, spend an afternoon with him, and all that ?
      I think I could see myself doing things with him as a couple. I've been trying to digest my feelings for him and I'm starting to accept them now instead of trying to push them away

      collin13 wrote:

      Hey Jude, I know what you are going through because I went though it myself. I'm a little bit older than you, gay, have a boyfriend and am comfortable with who I am. The best advice I have for you is follow your heart and don't freak out. This will all work out in time. If you have feelings for him, go with it. If you want to experiment with him, do so. If you feel overwhelming guilt, that is another story but something you need to work out. The biggest thing is relax and try and go with the flow. You said you didn't have sex with him, and I'm not even sure what that means, but I'm assuming you had oral based on what you wrote. I didn't cross the full on sex bridge with my boyfriend until I knew for certain.
      I forgot sex means different things. We had stuck to oral only. He's always been cute and an attraction has been building but I've always told myself it's wrong to think about him that way because he is a boy. I know its been stupid to think that way but I got bullied a lot for being gay even though I wasn't so I stopped any possible gay thought I had. So starting to let all these feelings for him come out has been freeing in a way if that makes sense and in some ways I kind of regret letting the bullies control me.

      I do want to experiment and explore these feelings with him. The only major guilt I feel is how do I explain this to my girlfriend. I do care about her and don't want her to get hurt because of my faults
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      Starlord wrote:

      Do you think you could engage in a couple relationship with him ? Like do stuff together, go to the cinema as 2 lovers, spend an afternoon with him, and all that ?
      I think I could see myself doing things with him as a couple. I've been trying to digest my feelings for him and I'm starting to accept them now instead of trying to push them away

      collin13 wrote:

      Hey Jude, I know what you are going through because I went though it myself. I'm a little bit older than you, gay, have a boyfriend and am comfortable with who I am. The best advice I have for you is follow your heart and don't freak out. This will all work out in time. If you have feelings for him, go with it. If you want to experiment with him, do so. If you feel overwhelming guilt, that is another story but something you need to work out. The biggest thing is relax and try and go with the flow. You said you didn't have sex with him, and I'm not even sure what that means, but I'm assuming you had oral based on what you wrote. I didn't cross the full on sex bridge with my boyfriend until I knew for certain.
      I forgot sex means different things. We had stuck to oral only. He's always been cute and an attraction has been building but I've always told myself it's wrong to think about him that way because he is a boy. I know its been stupid to think that way but I got bullied a lot for being gay even though I wasn't so I stopped any possible gay thought I had. So starting to let all these feelings for him come out has been freeing in a way if that makes sense and in some ways I kind of regret letting the bullies control me.
      I do want to experiment and explore these feelings with him. The only major guilt I feel is how do I explain this to my girlfriend. I do care about her and don't want her to get hurt because of my faults
      Are your feelings for this boy stronger than those for your gf ?

    • Starlord wrote:

      Are your feelings for this boy stronger than those for your gf ?
      It makes me feel more guilty to say it but they are a little stronger for him than my girlfriend at this point
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!

    • Judenator wrote:

      Starlord wrote:

      Are your feelings for this boy stronger than those for your gf ?
      It makes me feel more guilty to say it but they are a little stronger for him than my girlfriend at this point
      You cant control feelings and you dont do anything bad it's not like you do it on purpose or you do something silly and hurt people.
      So you're not guilty of anything ;)

    • Starlord wrote:

      You cant control feelings and you dont do anything bad it's not like you do it on purpose or you do something silly and hurt people.So you're not guilty of anything ;)
      I know it wasn't on purpose but I still feel guilty. I wish I had let myself figure this out sooner
      My (#12) stats:
      Fall season:
      Avg per game: 12.2 pts, 3.8 ast, 1.1 stl
      Team: 9-1; 1st place

      Winter season:
      APG: 16.9 pts, 3.4 ast, 1.4 stl
      Team: 20-9; 1st place

      If you are thinking of suicide, please reach out for help! Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (United States) or click HERE for your local numbers. People care about you!