I became physically developed pretty early, and this makes me feel self-conscious

    • I became physically developed pretty early, and this makes me feel self-conscious

      I am 14, but I have developed a lot these last 2 years, and today I have wide bust and hip measurements, and a cup size of 32DD.
      This makes me quite self-conscious a lot of the time, since I frequently see adult men of all ages look at me a lot.
      I feel like they should realise that I am probably in my early teens, since I am only 4'9 in height and can even get mistaken for a pre-teen if people only see my face (like if I sit down at a table, for example, or if I look across a counter), but they don't seem to really care about that, and gawk at me anyway.
      I hesitate to wear anything that might draw extra attention in some way, such as any form of low-cut shirts or tight clothes, and I am also careful with exposing my legs in any way.

      Do you know how I should handle this situation?
      This makes me feel like an object a lot of the time.
      It is also sometimes unsettling because the men who look at me are almost always much taller and bigger than me, so I always feel that I wouldn't be able to defend myself if they tried something.

    • I think you will have to get used to men looking at you.

      4'9" may be a little short for a woman these days but not ridiculously so. There will be fully adult women who are no taller than that. There is also less facial change between a girl and a woman than between a boy and a man. Then bear in mind that the bit of the male brain that gets woken up by seeing a woman is a pretty primitive part of the brain and the distinctively female characteristics of wide hips and breasts are sufficient to wake it up. At that level it is more animal instinct that conscious thought.

      On the other hand, just because that bit of a guys brain has been woken up doesn't mean he has to do anything. Society should have taught guys that there are a variety of reasons that they should avoid going any further than looking, whether that is being in an existing relationship or any suspicion that the girl may be under age. That means, for example, if you have gone to the mall after school and are still in a school uniform they should know that you are under age and that should be the end of it.

      Then in a different situation where it is not so obvious you are under age, even if they are interested in more, guys should know about the need for consent and therefore the most they would be likely to do is to start a conversation. That is your opportunity to point out that you are only 14 and make sure there is no misunderstanding.

      On what to do if you do encounter one of the few guys who lack self control then a personal attack alarm of some sort does seem very sensible as does keeping to places that are well lit and preferably with other people around. You might also consider personal defence training. You will hear plenty of people say that these things should not be necessary but I would liken it to locking doors or locking up a bicycle. Locking things up should not be necessary because people should not steal but someone who doesn't recognise that unlocked items get stolen is a fool.

    • I am so sorry if you have had grown adults gawk at your body like that.
      Just know that your body is NOT disgusting, it is perfect and healthy and growing.
      My best advice would be to try to get as comfortable with the body you have - own it, its beautiful and its yours.
      Otherwise, get a really good minimizing bra and then wear whatever the other girls your age are wearing.
      If anyone stares at your body or gods forbid says anything about your body, get comfortable saying “please don’t look at my body like that" or " please don't comment on my body", "I am a child and it makes me uncomfortable.” Setting boundaries is not easy but it’s the only way to teach the people in your life that their attention to your body is inappropriate and ultimately hurts your body image and emotional development.
      Also, try to remind yourself everyday that you are more than your body. You may not believe it at first but just keep repeating it and it will eventually help you make some space for your true self, regardless of how you feel about your physical body.

    • Presumably, you're wearing clothes that cover up your figure? Then people aren't able to find you physically attractive.
      Unless you're a good makeup artist, people will definitely be able to tell that you're not an adult. Even then, with your voice, even your behaviour, it is obvious because most adults cannot realistically, generally act like children. If they're as fixated as you imply, then they will have been watching long enough to tell. Usually it is obvious straight away
      I highly doubt men generally are looking at you and having sexual thoughts because most men aren't hebephiles/ephebophiles
      I believe this is largely down to your anxiety

    • Thanks for your replies, everyone. ^^

      Sean2001 wrote:

      I think you will have to get used to men looking at you.

      4'9" may be a little short for a woman these days but not ridiculously so. There will be fully adult women who are no taller than that. There is also less facial change between a girl and a woman than between a boy and a man. Then bear in mind that the bit of the male brain that gets woken up by seeing a woman is a pretty primitive part of the brain and the distinctively female characteristics of wide hips and breasts are sufficient to wake it up. At that level it is more animal instinct that conscious thought.
      I can see that.
      My breasts are large for my overall body size, so they are very noticeable even if I wear loose shirts.
      I do feel content with their size, since they don't look excessively large or anything, although they are always very noticeable, especially if I wear form-fitting tops and things like that.

      The tricky thing is that I find form-fitting clothes more convenient, since large shirts are often a bit too loose, and I feel like they barely make contact with my belly, and it is often quite warm where I live (California).
      So I will often wear tank tops those days, and ignore if men look at me, although sometimes I will also wear a sports bra so that they are a little bit less noticeable.

      I was once told that my type of looks - short petite height, "baby face", large shy eyes, large breasts and wide hips - has a certain effect on men.
      I am not sure what that means, but I guess it is true.