Katie, I don't know you...but it is never too late to talk to someone.
There are plenty of members here who are not perverts and would love to try and help you.
My PM box is always open...please, send me a message if you feel like talking. I am a trained therapist and deal with young people every day who feel as if they have nothing left to live for.
But if you won't contact anyone here, please call 988, the national suicide crisis line and talk to somebody there.
I been through something like it last year when a very close friend of my passed cos of an accident.
going through it isnt easy but with supportive friends and family members, they can make it less painful till u finally pick yourself up again