I cut myself for the first time today, i had the urge to do it before and now i feel extremely guilty.
The reason i did it is because it was my dads birthday yesterday and I forgot. I feel like a bad person no I know im a bad person so i cried and cut myself because i felt like i deserved it because how can such a good man be cursed with such a terrible daughter
He passed when i was 12 and i rarely talked to him, and i rarely called and texted or anything i was so bad. He rarely call me either but he was always busy with work
Ever since i’ve lived in guilt everyday for the past 3 years and i really dont think i’ll ever get over it. I try to ignore it and not think about it but the feeling never goes away
One day a year later he passed i told my sister everything I felt and all she said was “well i comfort myself by knowing i was a good daughter” and wow that felt like i just got stabbed in the heart
They were really close and i was extremely jealous of their relationship. When i visited my dads side of the family they all told her if you ever need someone we’re here. But what about me? No one seemed to care how i felt cause they all probably thought i didnt care but i did care i cared so much
The day before the fourth of july in 2023 i couldnt stop thinking. I couldnt stop crying so i wrote two papers of everything i felt and how much i hated myself. My sister found the note and just said that i needed therapy in a very snarky way.
Anyway now my mom caught my crying today and comforted me by saying that he loves me and he’ll always be in my heart. I don’t have to heart to tell her that the reason i was crying was because i forgot his birthday and seriously think im a terrible person. I feel bad for cutting but i deserve it. I feel guilty for hurting myself though because i cant help to think what my mom would say if she found out.
I want to do it again because i just feel so shitty and i think the guilt will slowly go away if i continue hurting myself. Idk i feel so alone all my family was close to my dad and i have nobody to relate to with me on this. Thank you if you read this
The reason i did it is because it was my dads birthday yesterday and I forgot. I feel like a bad person no I know im a bad person so i cried and cut myself because i felt like i deserved it because how can such a good man be cursed with such a terrible daughter
He passed when i was 12 and i rarely talked to him, and i rarely called and texted or anything i was so bad. He rarely call me either but he was always busy with work
Ever since i’ve lived in guilt everyday for the past 3 years and i really dont think i’ll ever get over it. I try to ignore it and not think about it but the feeling never goes away
One day a year later he passed i told my sister everything I felt and all she said was “well i comfort myself by knowing i was a good daughter” and wow that felt like i just got stabbed in the heart
They were really close and i was extremely jealous of their relationship. When i visited my dads side of the family they all told her if you ever need someone we’re here. But what about me? No one seemed to care how i felt cause they all probably thought i didnt care but i did care i cared so much
The day before the fourth of july in 2023 i couldnt stop thinking. I couldnt stop crying so i wrote two papers of everything i felt and how much i hated myself. My sister found the note and just said that i needed therapy in a very snarky way.
Anyway now my mom caught my crying today and comforted me by saying that he loves me and he’ll always be in my heart. I don’t have to heart to tell her that the reason i was crying was because i forgot his birthday and seriously think im a terrible person. I feel bad for cutting but i deserve it. I feel guilty for hurting myself though because i cant help to think what my mom would say if she found out.
I want to do it again because i just feel so shitty and i think the guilt will slowly go away if i continue hurting myself. Idk i feel so alone all my family was close to my dad and i have nobody to relate to with me on this. Thank you if you read this