My best friend.
She's my everything. She will always be my everything.
But she's sick, and I don't know how to help her anymore.
When she lived here, I could watch her. I could help her.
She's moved now, to the other side of the country.

She's always been different, kind of had an obnoxious confidence, and that's why I first fell in love with her. It was fourth grade and she was my complete opposite. But we clicked. And we've been stuck to eachother since then.

It started back in grade 9. After she came back after five months of living with her mother out west.
We always complained about our bodies about how fat and ugly we were, but now she had taken it to the next level. While out west she had stopped eating.
She came back and seemed to have given up her "diet" but then she started cutting. It went from cutting her wrists (because she got caught), to cutting her upper arms and the insides of her theighs.
Half way through grade 9, she moved back out to live with her mom.
She got back into her habits and went from being anorexic to bulimic. It got to a point where she relapsed and had to stay at home for a few months, hooked up to a machine that fed her what she wasn't feeding herself.
She was on this until she was back to decent health.
She came back and her and I went camping together for two weeks. She didn't so much as gag.
I thought she was better.
After that trip, we stayed a week at the beach and crashed at my grandparents place. She completely binged and threw up after every meal. This is about the time that she took up cutting her upper arms and theighs.

I was angry with her, I felt like she had given up or that she wasn't trying hard enough to help herself.
We went back home and I didn't talk to her for a few days, I wouldn't even pick up her calls.
When I got over myself I went to her place to see if she wanted to hang out and he dad just sort of looked at me. I guess two days after we got back, her dad and step mom told her that they were sending her back to live with her mom out west again because they couldn't deal with her problems anymore.
I didn't believe it, any of it.
I was waiting for her to call me and be all "jokes!!" but when she did call it was true, she was living with her mom again. I cried because it was actually happening. Because of my being selfish, I didn't get to say goodbye (all those calls I ignored? She was trying to get ahold of me to tell me she was getting sent away). She understood why I was angry before and forgave me instantly and we still talk to this day.

But she's still bulimic. When she gets counceling, she cheats the system. She tells them what they want to hear, and she can, because it's not as if they monitor her every move or anything.And I don't know what to do. She's wasting away.
She's attempted suicide more times than I have fingers.
I can't do anything except tell her that I believe in her and that I love her, but it's not enough.
I want to be right there with her, like it should be, but that won't happen any time soon.

I'm scared my best friends slowly killing herself and there's nothing that can be done.
I'm useless.

Nobody has to answer this, I just needed to "get this off my chest", but really, if anything my chest feels just as tight if not tighter.