To simply introduce myself, I’m a fourteen year old girl with a severely bipolar mother whom I believe is developing alcoholism. I am sorry for sounding so pretentious in this post, I have to write like this in English to get a Level 7.
Until seven, I spoke very little but I remember reading from three years old and I clearly understood language from infanthood. I was diagnosed with Verbal Dyspraxia and learnt verbal skills above my age group by age seven, eventually my statement was changed from ‘Speech and Language Disorder’ to ‘Lack of Social Skills’.
But then, I could understand the diagnose back when I was eleven as I didn’t give more eye contact at age eleven and was socially inappropriate. I still shrivel in embarrassment at my behavior back in Year Seven and most of year Eight. My socially inappropriate behavior led to constant bullying off other pupils and getting into fights. Now, I’m in Year Nine, and I have many acquaintances but no close or proper friends. My acquaintances mainly don’t become close friends as they will grow unpopular by becoming a close friend to the fat weird nerdy girl, that’s me.
To fit in I have to pretend to like hip hop and dance music and shamefully hide my classical music on my iPod and the fact that last week I finished reading MacBeth. I’m being to understand social cues and have more empathy and understanding of people’s persona than nearly all in my year. Eye contact is easy and I force convincing fake smiles and laughs but most of the time I’m unhappy about my situation in life.
I feel sometimes depressed that I have no one to be close to, and I will never will because no one really wants to be a friend with me. I fear that this will continue through adult life. And when I think about it… what is the point of existence when you don’t have others to depend on and to depend on you. Life is miserable with friendship and relationships for me, but no one apart from my drunken mother (sorry but her problem is growing seriously) knows who I really am. Why not admit my true self? I’ll have no acquaintances and spend the rest of high school and life in tears. It’s horrible. I’m always crying because I have no friends… I know there is more important things going on in earth that deserve more attention and that makes me feel guilty and all.
God, I’m going on. No wonder I’m being called Asperger’s…. I finally remembered what this post was about. I’m fed up of people calling me ‘socially retarded’… Yes, I have been called that by my gifted and talented co-ordinater to me and other pupils. Ahh… Lovely. What a way to be embarrassed…[/font]
Shortened Version
· I’m fourteen years old with one parent, my bipolar mother whom is developing a dependence on alcohol
· I didn’t speak properly until seven and was diagnosed with Verbal Dyspraxia.
· At eleven statement changed from ‘Speech and Language Disorder’ to ‘Lack of Social Skills’
· is going to be changed to Asperger’s Syndrome or Traits of Asperger’s Syndrome for DLA, to fund my damn mother’s drinking habit further… *sigh*
· At eleven I gave little eye-contact, didn’t empathize often and was socially inappropriate
· I got bullied and became friendless because of behavior.
· By fourteen I have developed a deep understanding of empathy, give eye-contact and understand social-cues well and understand the inner thinking of other people’s mind
· I have many acquaintances but no close friends
· People don’t become friends with me mainly because they’d be teased and bullied if they became friend with me because I’m fat and weird (Which is true).
· I have to constantly lie about what I like, I pretend to be interested deeply in fashion and boys when I hide the classical music on my iPod and never admit the fact that last weekend I read all of MacBeth
· Most people don’t become friends and tease friend sof me to make their pathetic egos a tiny bit bigger
· I’m deeply upset about lack of friends, I want someone to be close to
· I fear that I’ll never have companionship because I’m weird and fat, and have considered suicide because what is life without people you can depend on and can depend on you? It’s nothing…
I’m really stuck and don’t know what to do with my life…
Until seven, I spoke very little but I remember reading from three years old and I clearly understood language from infanthood. I was diagnosed with Verbal Dyspraxia and learnt verbal skills above my age group by age seven, eventually my statement was changed from ‘Speech and Language Disorder’ to ‘Lack of Social Skills’.
But then, I could understand the diagnose back when I was eleven as I didn’t give more eye contact at age eleven and was socially inappropriate. I still shrivel in embarrassment at my behavior back in Year Seven and most of year Eight. My socially inappropriate behavior led to constant bullying off other pupils and getting into fights. Now, I’m in Year Nine, and I have many acquaintances but no close or proper friends. My acquaintances mainly don’t become close friends as they will grow unpopular by becoming a close friend to the fat weird nerdy girl, that’s me.
To fit in I have to pretend to like hip hop and dance music and shamefully hide my classical music on my iPod and the fact that last week I finished reading MacBeth. I’m being to understand social cues and have more empathy and understanding of people’s persona than nearly all in my year. Eye contact is easy and I force convincing fake smiles and laughs but most of the time I’m unhappy about my situation in life.
I feel sometimes depressed that I have no one to be close to, and I will never will because no one really wants to be a friend with me. I fear that this will continue through adult life. And when I think about it… what is the point of existence when you don’t have others to depend on and to depend on you. Life is miserable with friendship and relationships for me, but no one apart from my drunken mother (sorry but her problem is growing seriously) knows who I really am. Why not admit my true self? I’ll have no acquaintances and spend the rest of high school and life in tears. It’s horrible. I’m always crying because I have no friends… I know there is more important things going on in earth that deserve more attention and that makes me feel guilty and all.
God, I’m going on. No wonder I’m being called Asperger’s…. I finally remembered what this post was about. I’m fed up of people calling me ‘socially retarded’… Yes, I have been called that by my gifted and talented co-ordinater to me and other pupils. Ahh… Lovely. What a way to be embarrassed…[/font]
Shortened Version
· I’m fourteen years old with one parent, my bipolar mother whom is developing a dependence on alcohol
· I didn’t speak properly until seven and was diagnosed with Verbal Dyspraxia.
· At eleven statement changed from ‘Speech and Language Disorder’ to ‘Lack of Social Skills’
· is going to be changed to Asperger’s Syndrome or Traits of Asperger’s Syndrome for DLA, to fund my damn mother’s drinking habit further… *sigh*
· At eleven I gave little eye-contact, didn’t empathize often and was socially inappropriate
· I got bullied and became friendless because of behavior.
· By fourteen I have developed a deep understanding of empathy, give eye-contact and understand social-cues well and understand the inner thinking of other people’s mind
· I have many acquaintances but no close friends
· People don’t become friends with me mainly because they’d be teased and bullied if they became friend with me because I’m fat and weird (Which is true).
· I have to constantly lie about what I like, I pretend to be interested deeply in fashion and boys when I hide the classical music on my iPod and never admit the fact that last weekend I read all of MacBeth
· Most people don’t become friends and tease friend sof me to make their pathetic egos a tiny bit bigger
· I’m deeply upset about lack of friends, I want someone to be close to
· I fear that I’ll never have companionship because I’m weird and fat, and have considered suicide because what is life without people you can depend on and can depend on you? It’s nothing…
I’m really stuck and don’t know what to do with my life…