"Baby Mama Drama"

    • "Baby Mama Drama"

      Right so, I need a bit of advice.

      About 4-5 weeks ago my boyfriend found out he has a child that he didn't know about (a long, hairy story that we won't get into right now). The girl told him that she really just needed help financially and he didn't have to have anything to do with the baby if he didn't want to. He isn't the kind of guy that's just going to throw a couple hundred dollars at the kid every month and never see him. So since he's found out he's been seeing the baby twice a week.

      I've pretty much been staying out of this whole ordeal as much as possible. Recently he's been suggesting that I spend time with him when he has the baby. I really don't know what to think about that. Our relationship is very serious, I'm moving in with him in 7 months, so eventually I'll have to be involved a little. I just don't know if it's a good idea to get involved right now.

      Another concern is the baby's mother. I know for certain that my boyfriend hasn't talked to her about me (concerning the baby, she knows he has a girlfriend, etc.) I was wondering if I did decide to spend time with my boyfriend when he has the baby, should I speak to the mom before I do so? I don't want her to feel that I'm stepping on her toes, because that certainly isn't what I want to do. Or should I have him talk to her about it?

      I don't really know what kind of advice I'm looking for here, this whole situation is just frustrating. And I can't talk to anyone in 'real life' about it. So any advice would be much appreciated :).
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      [CENTER][SIZE=1]We've been treating love like a battlefield
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      The post was edited 2 times, last by Nokaa: Clarity ().

    • Re: "Baby Mama Drama"

      Hi Nokaa,

      Burden, that's one word that can describe the situation. Out of no where this burden is dropped on you, not the baby, but the feelings emotionally. Lets start off with concerns for your mother, you've already stated that you don't want to step on your mothers toes, honestly if it bothers you that much, I feel you should talk to your mother as a couple, not just individually, things might be easier that way. It's not your problem but you're going to have to show some kind of support towards your boyfriend, and it's a good way to start.

      Now concerning his suggestion about actually seeing the baby, well, that's another story. As a person who is in a serious relationship, and someone who cares for their parter, this should be your secondary terms of support. If you're not very comfortable with the fact of being involved with the baby at the moment, you shouldn't be. Although in time, you've stated you're eventually going to have to spend some time with the baby, seeing as how you're moving in. Personally, it might be easier on you, and him, as a couple if you started spending time with him and his baby ahead of time.

      Really, no one here can tell you what to think, because the situation must just be somewhat mind boggling for you. Basically you should only deal with the situation when you're comfortable with doing so, don't be pressured into spending time with this child if you're not ready yet, take the time that you need. Hopefully your boyfriend can understand.

    • Re: "Baby Mama Drama"

      personally i think its a good things your bf wants you to be in the baby's life to. in a way it shows that he trusts you enough to do that. i would have him talk to the mother of the baby first just so she knows of you. maybe after that you can talk to her yourself and tell her how you feel about the situation. take your time with getting involved with the baby if you arent comfortable. maybe ease yourself into it by seeing the baby for short periods of time and eventually making the time longer as you go.

      good luck
      hope things turn out good for you :)
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    • Re: "Baby Mama Drama"

      Edge wrote:

      Hi Nokaa,

      Burden, that's one word that can describe the situation. Out of no where this burden is dropped on you, not the baby, but the feelings emotionally. Lets start off with concerns for your mother, you've already stated that you don't want to step on your mothers toes, honestly if it bothers you that much, I feel you should talk to your mother as a couple, not just individually, things might be easier that way. It's not your problem but you're going to have to show some kind of support towards your boyfriend, and it's a good way to start.

      Now concerning his suggestion about actually seeing the baby, well, that's another story. As a person who is in a serious relationship, and someone who cares for their parter, this should be your secondary terms of support. If you're not very comfortable with the fact of being involved with the baby at the moment, you shouldn't be. Although in time, you've stated you're eventually going to have to spend some time with the baby, seeing as how you're moving in. Personally, it might be easier on you, and him, as a couple if you started spending time with him and his baby ahead of time.

      Really, no one here can tell you what to think, because the situation must just be somewhat mind boggling for you. Basically you should only deal with the situation when you're comfortable with doing so, don't be pressured into spending time with this child if you're not ready yet, take the time that you need. Hopefully your boyfriend can understand.


      Ah, I'm sorry, I worded that weird. I meant the baby's mother, not my mom.

      Thanks for the advice. I truly want to be supportive about this. I know that he is just as, if not more, confused and freaked out about this as I am.

      I just can't help but thinking that this is going to destroy our plans. And I know that's completely selfish. I can't seem to picture a median between not getting involved with the baby at all and getting too involved. Even though I know that logically their has to be.

      jasmine328 wrote:

      personally i think its a good things your bf wants you to be in the baby's life to. in a way it shows that he trusts you enough to do that. i would have him talk to the mother of the baby first just so she knows of you. maybe after that you can talk to her yourself and tell her how you feel about the situation. take your time with getting involved with the baby if you arent comfortable. maybe ease yourself into it by seeing the baby for short periods of time and eventually making the time longer as you go.

      good luck
      hope things turn out good for you :)


      I think I will talk to him about talking to her. Thanks. :)



      Oh and if more background is needed, I don't mind giving it. I just didn't want to bore you all :tongue:
      [CENTER][SIZE=1]------------------------------------------[/SIZE][/CENTER]
      [CENTER][SIZE=1]We've been treating love like a battlefield
      For far too long.      [/SIZE][/CENTER]
      [CENTER] [/CENTER]

    • Re: "Baby Mama Drama"

      Nokaa wrote:

      Ah, I'm sorry, I worded that weird. I meant the baby's mother, not my mom.

      Thanks for the advice. I truly want to be supportive about this. I know that he is just as, if not more, confused and freaked out about this as I am.

      I just can't help but thinking that this is going to destroy our plans. And I know that's completely selfish. I can't seem to picture a median between not getting involved with the baby at all and getting too involved. Even though I know that logically their has to be.



      Something like this isn't going to destroy your plans, and it's not selfish to think about your future with him, even though there's a kid involved. Put it this way, it's not a full time thing and you can be there for the kid too. Yeah, it might be a good idea if you speak with the babies mother, that way you can be more comfortable with wanting to help support your boyfriend, and the kid even.

      I still believe it's something you should do as a couple, but your boyfriend is going to have to really set the tone. Hopefully, things work out for you. Besides, I never really get bored of giving people advice, the longer ones are always the best.