I think you really need to sit down with him and talk. Ask him outright if he's doing drugs while realising that if he's lied to you before, then it's possible he'll lie again.

Your love for him might cloud the issue of him lying to you for your wanting to keep him whatever, as love can be "blind". And while it's difficult your not really knowing for sure if he's clean or, smoking dope, you really should be expecting him to be telling you the complete truth. If not - tell him goodbye. Far better you live without someone who could be very secretive when it comes to their possibly meddling with drugs. Anyway, there are far better more loving, honest guys out there so keep your options open. And good luck.


Best,
Poppi

Just talk to him about how you feel. If he is smart he will respect what you are thinking and will have nothing to do with all that stuff.

There is really nothing you can or should do to force decisions on him. If he wants to smoke or do drugs then that's what he's going to do, and shoving the "don't smoke or do drugs!" issue down his throat is really what is going to make him want to hide it from you and lie to you about it.

In a relationship, feeling like you can be fully open and that your partner will be understanding really is important. Depending on how you voice your concerns, it really doesn't shock me that in the past you've had issues with partners opening up to you.

It's great that you're concerned for your boyfriend and all that, but part of being concerned for his well being doesn't only extend to him making the choices that you want him to make, but simply making choices that he wants to make in a safe manner.

It is definitely not uncommon for people (especially teens) to experiment with drugs or smoking, even if it's just once. Whether it's a good choice of or a bad choice shouldn't be the issue. Instead of trying to force the viewpoint of "I think smoking is gross and would dislike anyone to do it" sharing a view of "I don't think that smoking is a good idea, and I'd prefer you to not do it, but you need to do what you need to do, and I'll care about you either way" seems more beneficial.

There is nothing wrong with you choosing to cease the relationship if drugs or smoking do become and issue (and this is something that I have personally done in the past as well). As much as he has a choice to smoke or not to smoke, you have the choice to pick what type of a partner you want to be with. Confronting him flat-out about smoking or drugs could really go one of two ways: It could help, and he will open up to you with the truth, whatever that may be. Or: It could hurt, and he could feel forced to lie to keep you happy, and angry that you are "closed-minded". Generally when people feel backed into a corner, especially by their partners, they can feel frustrated and left feeling persecuted. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't ask him about his habits, especially if you worry about them, but bringing it up forcefully doesn't seem like a good choice.

If this issue weighs heavily on your mind, then left unconfronted it's probably going to cause more issues. I've found that talking about an issue before it's an issue is the best way to diffuse any possible fights, disagreements, or ill-feelings. You cannot make him choose anything, as mentioned, and making him "promise" to not make a choice really doesn't seem like the answer (because what happens if he changes his mind, will he feel like he's let you down and want to hide the truth from you? One cannot promise the future because we do not have the knowledge to understand what the future holds). Keeping an air of having each of you feel comfortable being open really seems the way to go. You (and he) cannot ensure that he will never smoke, all you can do is to ask him to let you know if he has a desire to do so, then you can take it from there.