Should I tell him?

    • Should I tell him?

      Hi guys, my name is Mike, and I'm a new member of this site... Have read through a few of the other posts and people have some really good advice to give! So I thought I'd throw my own situation out there and see if anyone can help me out... The gist of things is that I'm very much infatuated with my flatmate, Dereck. I know - under normal circumstances it's a complete no-no, but hear me out.

      Me and Dereck have been living under the same roof for about 3 to 4 years now - I moved in when I was about 16. (His parents own the house and let him stay in it for free. He decided to rent out the spare room to make some extra cash, so that's where I came in.)

      Honestly speaking, I didn't think we'd become as good friends as we are today. I always figured that because our interests vary so much, we'd never really have anything to talk about. For example, he's very into his music, and doesn't want to get into anything else, even though I've always told him to have a backup plan just in case. He's sure he'll make it (eventually) with his band. I myself, on the other hand, have NO musical talent whatsoever (I tried to play the tambourine once and failed miserably. It didn't help that he was laughing uncontrollably the entire time). I go to college up the road, and am working my way through a law degree (boring? He thinks so!).

      Thank goodness for videogames. I think we've bonded over the years because of our mutual love for all things violent. After marathon sessions of Halo, Tekken, Dead or Alive, etc, I can honestly say that we've become really good friends. Now, I always make it a point to go to his band's gigs wherever they are, and he always finds time to come down to the library and hang out with me when I have tests/exams and/or assignments due. Who knew that violent games could bring two people together this way, heh? :P

      Anyway, I should've known that I would sooner or later develop some sort of silly little crush on him. I mean, he's gorgeous. He's got short, wavy dark brown hair, a fairish complexion, almost perfect teeth, and the most intense green eyes you could ever imagine. He's caught me staring into them unintentionally on many an occasion, but he just smiles shyly when he does, which makes me want to stare at him even more...

      And this brings me to my dilemma. It has come to a point where I need to either confront him about my attraction to him or move out. It's that bad. I don't know if he feels the same way about me. I try not to read "signs" because I know that innocuous gestures and words can become anything in the mind of someone who's looking for hidden meanings where there are none. But I can't help but wonder...

      You see, we've both been single the entire time we've known each other, and we constantly tease each other about it. I've always just laughed it off and said that I'm trying to concentrate on my studies, and he's always said that he's fine just the way he is... He jokes that he only needs me, his best friend, to get by...

      He's also making a huge effort in trying to get to know my friends from law school. He's normally a bit of a loner, but if I'm with my friends he genuinely seems interested in talking to them and learning more about me through them (behind my back). He's asked them what my favourite colour is, when my birthday is, and recently, whether I like italian food(??)... (My friends have started to think he's a little weird now... Hahaha...) I don't understand why he wouldn't just ask me stuff like that up front.

      But the most telling sign I'm getting from him is the fact that recently he's written this new song that he has just unveiled at his latest gig. It's called "Melting In Knowing Eyes", and it's an acoustic number. It's a beautiful song, and is about looking into the eyes of someone you know you can't have. Er... Is it just me, or is that MY SITUATION ad verbatim?

      UGH!

      Someone help me out please? As I write this, I'm scouring the classified pages for another flat to move to, in case it comes to that. I'd rather leave our friendship intact and live somewhere else than ruin what we have with a few stupid words...



      Thanks in advance everybody,

      Mike

    • Re: Should I tell him?

      well...it seems to me as though there really is a mutuel attraction. :) I wish I could help you out furthure but the only advice I can give...is tell him...and move out.

      tell him that you want to move out...he will ask why...then tell him...tell him your sorry but you cant stand it anymore...that your sorry but after all this time you feel you've grown too close to him...you like him, alot, you want to be more than friends but you dont think he could ever feel the same way...say your sorry and must go.

      one of two things will happen, either 1 he'll let you go...or 2...he'll tell you to stay. :)


      I hope it works out for you mate. *hugs* be strong. if you need any more help please dont hesitate to pm me.
      [SIZE=2]Gay and looking for a friend? Hell, any sexuality is welcome. PM ME FRIENDS VERY WELCOME! hehe[/SIZE]

      Reliving life as I should. :)

    • Re: Should I tell him?

      I think you should tell your friend about the way you feel. Because yeah, he could kick you out or something. But he might have a mutual feeling. And it seems to be the case here. But sit down with him and talk to him about it. A deep and meaningful, not just a 5 second gossip update.

      I think that if you two are such close mates, you should be able to talk about these things. Good luck. :]

    • Re: Should I tell him?

      I think you should tell him how you feel, cause even if you move away if your still close friends it will still sorta eat away at you, so i think you should tell him, and depending on his reaction decide your next step. If he hates it move out, if he feels the same stay and see where it takes you or if he doesnt seem to care at least he knows how you feel and you can decide if you can stay with him or not.
      [CENTER]
      :gay:[/CENTER]

    • Re: Should I tell him?

      You have a huge dilemma! You guys are best friends, yet nothing physical has happened in the three years you have been together under the same roof. If you tell him you are crushing on him, you could lose him as a friend, if he is indeed straight. If you tell him, and he IS feeling loving thoughts about you, you are a lucky guy.

    • Re: Should I tell him?

      I am currently in a very very similar dilema.

      I'm going through my options too.

      The best thing i can currently think of is that he is my best friend, and hes said how much he loves me as a friend and how he can never hurt me. So hopefully if i mention it to him either i get what i want or we can work through it cause we are so close. The difference is he knows i am gay and nothings happened yet. :/

      But yeah my advice would be to say something, if you are good enough friends then hopefully it can be resolved.

    • Re: Should I tell him?

      my best friend, and several other friends for that matter, found out I was gay and eventually realized that I liked them. Some thought it was weird at first, but they are all still just as good friends with me. The fact that you've been living with him so long means he will probably not care too much. Oh, and he's a musician, which means even though that makes him more likely to be gay, he may still be straight, but will likely be used to and comfortable with being around gay guys. It's a generalization but it's mostly true.

      if he's ok with it but is straight, you will probably lose some of the painful attraction to him just knowing that he knows.
      good luck!