final goodbye? i need major advice.

    • final goodbye? i need major advice.

      CAUTION:
      I WROTE ALOT. :)


      Well, of course by the title yu can probably tell its guy problems. :confused:. Wee yea - yur right. its so much stuff going on right now my head is spinning;
      and i need advice very badly.

      So heres the 411:

      Me & this guy were dating from april up until august; and i dumped him because it was a new school year and i wanted to start off fresh. But of course my feelings were still there because i truly L O V E D this guy. So we agree to be friends but by early september we decide to be friends with benefits - which is always a tough situation. So we would go on dates; talk on the phone 24/7; & call each other baby - just like a couple. This lasted up until December which is where all of this stuff began.

      Its just these 4 days out of 1 week where i was super busy :
      not only was it THAT time of the month, i had school & after school biology extra credit classes, & winterguard tryouts, and i had 3 projects due that weekend, and a chorus rehearsal & a performance. :eek: yeahhh. so everytime he would call me i would always be busy. BUT i had told him what i was gonnah doing that week & how i was gonnah be busy. But i guess he didnt listen; because next thing i know he doesnt tell me anything until we get into a semi-fued over the phone. & he busts out with all of this well yuh werent there for me blah blah blah BS. & i was just telling him how busy i was. & i forgot how it came up but he said something about this girl named lisa and im like whos lisa ; & he was telling me she was a girl from our school and i asked why he hadnt told me about her before and he was like "I did but yuh dont listen" which was a LIE! so pretty much i ask him if his feelings were drifting for me and he said yea. I said if they were at a 10 what are they now? & he was like a 6. & of course im like WHAT why? & he was like because yuh werent there and because she was. :mad: grrr. so by now im fussing him out about how he let some chick get between us & hes like but i only love yuh...all that BS. & im telling him how i cant trust him anymore.

      FAST FOWARD:

      Its about a week later; & i figure if i really love this guy I can stick it out when times get hard - because i didnt want to loose him. Because before that situation he was my semi-boyfriend & like my bestfriend - we could talk about any & everything. & we go to the movies & were just hugged up watching it when he gets a text and he doesnt let me see it (in a playful way though like nope cant see it!); so im really suspicious so i get madd & walk out & he was like im just jocking it was my mom & im like whatever. & he was like but i deleted it & im just madd by then & thats when it hit me - i cant trust him ANYMORE! so a few days later i tell him i cant do it anymore. & we get into a HUGEEEEEEEEEE arguement and hes like why i love yuh & all this crap & i tell him because i cant trust him. & then we get on the subject of that chick Lisa & he was like he cutt her off because she almost made him loose the best thing in his life ; & i wass like yea yea. so now i dont believe him because i cant TRUST him.

      Since he never told me what she said to him to make his feelings drift i asked him & after getting mad at him for 15 minutes he finally told me that she was telling him that she would never play him like i did; & that she would treat him like the king he is and all this BS about how she wanted him & what she would do to him & how she wish she got him before i did. So he never told me this. & i just told him if his feelings were going away for me and he cared about me SOOOOO damn much like he says why would he continue to talk to her if he knew it would hurt meh; although he said he never fed into what she was telling him - but i doubt it.

      So pretty much i told him to go fuck his-self and to get lisa to be his boo & i told him to give me all my stuff & to never talk to me again.

      But theres a problem;
      i feel so betrayed by him but like i told yuh before he was like my boyfriend and my bestfriend so i feel like i have no one left and all i can do now a days is cry and mope and just WANT him all day long. & i hate him.

      i know this is super long - but can anyone give me advice on what to do.
      Should i tell him this or should i keep ignoring him; or should i just try to find someone new ; & thats the hardest thing ever - because i feel like i cant walk away from the only thing i kno. :(

      PLEASE HELP ME!

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      Well, it definitely seems like you've been faced with quite the situation here. I don't know. It's really difficult to go from being best friends with someone, to dating them and then totally hating them. See, that's the problem when it comes to best friends dating and whatnot. Anyway, you say that you can't trust him. Therefore, you can't really have any kind of relationship with him - especially a romantic one. You cannot have a relationship with someone that you don't trust. The relationship will not work out; it would be impossible for it to work out.

      It seems like you're pretty hurt because of all of this. I know it's hard to deal with, believe me. I'm sure we all know how it feels to have our heart broken and whatnot. However, as a teenager, that's something you need to learn to cope with. Our teenage years will not only be full of drama and confusion but of rejection and heart-break as well. I think it's safe to make the assumption that you're quite vulnerable right now, because you've just lost someone who was very important to you. Please correct me/forgive me if I'm wrong about this assumption, by the way.

      If my assumption is correct, I would highly recommend that you avoid putting yourself in another relationship right away. You're vulnerable and the wound of your past relationship is still fresh. I would suggest that you take some time for yourself. Perhaps you can talk to your ex-boyfriend about the way you're feeling. I mean, you don't have to cut him out altogether - considering you guys were such good friends and all. Do you think the possibility of returning to a best friendship is possible? These are all things that you need to sit down and think about. Once you've thought about all of this logically and rationally, make your next move.

      Ultimately, you need to make this decision for yourself. You know what happened a lot better than we do and you know how you're feeling a lot better than we do. All I'm giving you is my own personal opinion. Ultimately you're the one who needs to make the final decision. Think about it and then, don't be afraid to take that leap of faith. Do what you feel is best for you. I hope that everything works out for you. Good luck with everything.

      Take care of yourself.

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      Ok....first of all put your self in his position.
      You date, he likes you a lot, you dump him because "you want to start fresh" then you decide to be fuck buddies (and as everyone knows...there is no "obligation" there). Then you end up disappearing for a week (yes you were busy).

      But again, for the sake of the argument, let's pretend that a guy comes up to you (again....EXAMPLE) and says: I no longer want to be with you, I want something new, ok thanx bye. Then he show sup and says: well I don't really want to be with you, but I still want to screw you. Then he almost avoids you for a week. Your reaction?
      You will seek closure....be it your family, your friends, or another guy you had your eye on.

      Yes there was a girl he was interested in, but you agreed to be fuck buddies...not be boyfriend and girlfriend....that sort of "relationship" has its own "rules" and you can not really be mad at him when you broke his heart. You are there (while you date), then you are not there(broke up) , then you are KINDA there(fuck buddies), then not there again(busy). I am telling you he went through a hell of an emotional roller coaster. To him, you toyed with his emotions. He probably trusts you as much as you trust him right now and telling him to fuck off (you disappearing again and not being "there") definitely did not help the situation.....


      There is only one thing I can suggest and that is (as corny as it is) to sit down and talk....seriously and honestly talk without fighting or arguing, just explaining your sides to each other and then go from there. At least you will both share feelings with each other and if worst comes to worst, you will at least go your separate ways without that "what if" screwing you in the skull thinking "what if i was with him".

      However, to be honest, I do not see this relationship (assuming it is revived) going anywhere far.....and the only thing to do that is to gain trust. In your case you will have to talk to lisa or find out from someone else if anything took place between your ex and that girl....and that will take care of the huuuuggee block between you two.

      Hope that helps
      O.o
      The King of Mind-Fuck

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      DeamonD wrote:

      Ok....first of all put your self in his position.
      You date, he likes you a lot, you dump him because "you want to start fresh" then you decide to be fuck buddies (and as everyone knows...there is no "obligation" there). Then you end up disappearing for a week (yes you were busy).

      But again, for the sake of the argument, let's pretend that a guy comes up to you (again....EXAMPLE) and says: I no longer want to be with you, I want something new, ok thanx bye. Then he show sup and says: well I don't really want to be with you, but I still want to screw you. Then he almost avoids you for a week. Your reaction?
      You will seek closure....be it your family, your friends, or another guy you had your eye on.

      Yes there was a girl he was interested in, but you agreed to be fuck buddies...not be boyfriend and girlfriend....that sort of "relationship" has its own "rules" and you can not really be mad at him when you broke his heart. You are there (while you date), then you are not there(broke up) , then you are KINDA there(fuck buddies), then not there again(busy). I am telling you he went through a hell of an emotional roller coaster. To him, you toyed with his emotions. He probably trusts you as much as you trust him right now and telling him to fuck off (you disappearing again and not being "there") definitely did not help the situation.....


      There is only one thing I can suggest and that is (as corny as it is) to sit down and talk....seriously and honestly talk without fighting or arguing, just explaining your sides to each other and then go from there. At least you will both share feelings with each other and if worst comes to worst, you will at least go your separate ways without that "what if" screwing you in the skull thinking "what if i was with him".

      However, to be honest, I do not see this relationship (assuming it is revived) going anywhere far.....and the only thing to do that is to gain trust. In your case you will have to talk to lisa or find out from someone else if anything took place between your ex and that girl....and that will take care of the huuuuggee block between you two.

      Hope that helps
      O.o


      DeamonD is right. Yeah it sucks what he did to you, but remember that you walked out first.

      Maintaining any kind of relationship when you're busy is extremely hard. Even though me and my boyfriend don't see each other much and we have our busy times we try to still be there for each other. Maybe by texting, calling or even leaving small messages on myspace, livejournal or facebook. What's 5 minutes to just say "Hey, how've you been?"

      But yeah, it's best to probably sit down and talk. When you sit down and talk though, make sure you keep a calm mind and neither of you end up exploding at each other. If you explode you're not going ot get anywhere and jsut make things worse.
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    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      I see what you guys are talking about but its a little more to the story than me just dumping him because of the new school yea.
      last year we got on summer break on June 9th, and the last time i seen was June 13th up until August 23rd - which was the first time in a long time; because he left to stay with his dad in VA ; but while he was there he was always BUSY & i never complained up until it got ridiculous & when he came home I decided to start the school year fresh & i dumped him; plus i didnt want to do it over the phone. So me not talking to him for 3 days was crazy for me to hear. & during the summer boys would ALWAYS come up to me & call me & tell me all this BS but i would diss them because i felt like me & him were in a relationship anyways. & we both agreed that IF someone else came along that we wanted to date we would let the other know & that even though we were just friends with benefits it was JUST like we were in a relationship but we just didnt go around making it as obvious as when we go out. & it actually was working out better than a relationship.

      But he justs breaks our agreement & now he was just talking to some chick?
      I feel more betrayed than anything. I feel like i let some T R I C K come between me & him; & she took alot from me. Im not really the lovey dovey expressing type but without him i just feel like theres no one to laugh with; no one to talk to when im having a bad day; or when i cant sleep in the morning.
      grrrr. i may talk to him. idk

      P.S. were not exactly fuck buddies; more like kiss buddies* :)

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      K... so heres where you made the first mistake... When you broke up with him just cous you wanted to start off fresh in the new school year is actually really selfish and unnecessary. To be honest I'm surprised he even kept talking to you. From that point on you already lost his interest and trust, and then by keeping it a friends with benefits just proved your lack of feelings towards him even more. he had every right to find another girl. You already made the decision to move on without him.. stick to it and find someone else. Cous if you go back, you will either continue hurting yourself and look like a fool or you will be completely denied. So might as well move on... which is probably the hardest thing to do.

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      LadyTrojan wrote:

      I see what you guys are talking about but its a little more to the story than me just dumping him because of the new school yea.
      last year we got on summer break on June 9th, and the last time i seen was June 13th up until August 23rd - which was the first time in a long time; because he left to stay with his dad in VA ; but while he was there he was always BUSY & i never complained up until it got ridiculous & when he came home I decided to start the school year fresh & i dumped him; plus i didnt want to do it over the phone. So me not talking to him for 3 days was crazy for me to hear. & during the summer boys would ALWAYS come up to me & call me & tell me all this BS but i would diss them because i felt like me & him were in a relationship anyways. & we both agreed that IF someone else came along that we wanted to date we would let the other know & that even though we were just friends with benefits it was JUST like we were in a relationship but we just didnt go around making it as obvious as when we go out. & it actually was working out better than a relationship.

      But he justs breaks our agreement & now he was just talking to some chick?
      I feel more betrayed than anything. I feel like i let some T R I C K come between me & him; & she took alot from me. Im not really the lovey dovey expressing type but without him i just feel like theres no one to laugh with; no one to talk to when im having a bad day; or when i cant sleep in the morning.
      grrrr. i may talk to him. idk

      P.S. were not exactly fuck buddies; more like kiss buddies* :)


      So then approach the problem from this angle:
      Do you actually miss HIM or do you will the idea of having someone in your life?
      It is very important that you do not confuse the love for a certain person VS the way that person makes you feel...because all those who do not what about that, do. Your brain automatically associates feelings with a face....I will explain: for example: you have your best orgasm, your mind will register the position and hence this will become your favorite. In that moment your brain goes "hm...doing it that way felt good...i gotta write that down" and it is the same thing that happens to relationships. You might like the way that a person made you feel , or you loved the idea of a boyfriend and your brain automatically associates THAT with his face or him in general.

      Another thing (and you will probably deny it) is that the fact that there was a girl that came between you and him also fuels your desire for......well I cant think of a better word....revenge. Revenge in a sense that you will that if she wasn't there everything would be much better which causes you to want to "fix" it. Thus making this whole mess more of a chase thing and a way to "set things right" obviously I can not say "this this and that" will happen just from reading....well close to 1 page about your relationship BUT it is still possible to fix it.................but do you want to? Sit down and just pick your brain apart and figure out if it is worth it. Do you actually love him? Do you actually miss him or do you just want a guy in your life....a companion?

      It's gonna be weird though....I mean there were so many bumps in your relationship and the chances that someone will get over them are small (thats just how humans are)...and there is TWO of you who messed up...so those chances are again cut in half.

      Anyway, if you want to pursue him...by all means, grab a flag and rush into the battle field but just make sure it is worth it first. Know what I mean?
      The King of Mind-Fuck

      The post was edited 2 times, last by DeamonD: typo XD ().

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      yea i kno what you mean DeamonD but its kinda hard. Because i feel really betrayed and forgotten about. But then again i just miss him so freakinq much; its so hard. :(

      & i think im pretty sure that i love H I M & not just the idea of him. He was just amazing i cant even explain the little things that mean so much to me about him like his smile and the way he stares into space & then the big things like him ALWAYS being there for me no matter what & always having someone to help me and hold me & be my friend & lover. & ive never had that before so now i feel like i cant find anything else T H A T good. geeze i sound like a complete loser. lol. but its true. but then again i seen him in school today and i couldnt even look at him without being deeply hurt. & if i talk to him...i dont even kno what i could say.

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      Let me start off by saying that dumping someone in order to start off fresh in a new school year is UBERLY LAME.

      Besides that...if you two don't have a trusting relationship I don't think it would be a good one. It seems you two aren't as close as you were before. I do understand you two have a history, but that's exactly what it is. History. You should decide based on the present.
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    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      LadyTrojan wrote:

      yea i kno what you mean DeamonD but its kinda hard. Because i feel really betrayed and forgotten about. But then again i just miss him so freakinq much; its so hard. :(

      & i think im pretty sure that i love H I M & not just the idea of him. He was just amazing i cant even explain the little things that mean so much to me about him like his smile and the way he stares into space & then the big things like him ALWAYS being there for me no matter what & always having someone to help me and hold me & be my friend & lover. & ive never had that before so now i feel like i cant find anything else T H A T good. geeze i sound like a complete loser. lol. but its true. but then again i seen him in school today and i couldnt even look at him without being deeply hurt. & if i talk to him...i dont even kno what i could say.


      Then fix it :)

      It is within your power.
      I can even tell you how to do it.

      Ask him if it's alright that the two of you talk. Then when you meet up, ask him if he wants to be with you. If he says yes, discuss things that went wrong before. Communication is key, you have no idea what kind of piles of shit you can plow away by talking. Explain your reasons for acting the way you did...let him explain his, if something doesn't work, compromise. I guarantee you that you both will be much closer after this.

      If he says no, you will have your answer as to how he feels.

      You may be reluctant to the fact that he might say no...but consider this, would you want to live your whole life with a 'what if' in the back of your head?
      The King of Mind-Fuck

    • Re: final goodbye? i need major advice.

      i just thought i would update everyone.

      i sat down with him & we both said what we had to say,
      expressed our feelings for eachother & thought everything out
      & decided that we would try our best to work around the situation
      and to continue our relationship but if it gets too much to bare
      then we will just be friends. :-/ .

      you guys advice really helped; thanks alot! :rolleyes: