First off, let me introduce myself. This is my first post, and I really think I could get some very good advise from this forum. I'm 17 years old, a high school senior, and I'm gay. Here is my current situation.

At the beginning of this school year, a new boy came to attend our highschool. He's the type of guy that could have any girl he wanted. He's beautiful. Blonde hair, beautiful eyes, a gorgeous smile...his personality is amazing...

Anyway, like me, he enjoys highschool theatre. Our production for the fall got started, he auditioned, and was basically my right-hand-man in the show. Over time, I started realizing that I was developing a crush on him. We weren't all that close, I was basically just his friend onstage. We rarely talked outside of the theate, maybe just a "hey" every now and again.

We're friends, and I'm comfortable around him, and that only grew from the show. After it was over, I would comment him on Myspace, etc. Well, the whole problem started with a comment. I commented one of his pictures - on of him holding his new puppy - and asked him if he wanted to know what was on my Christmas list. He replied curiously, and I replied "Your dog", sort of adding a sexual innuendo. He didn't get it, i don't think.

Around Thanksgiving, I posted a blog basically confessing my love for him. I didn't mention any names, but I basically told him exactly how I felt about him. I didn't even know he would read it. I wasn't expecting him to. A day after I posted it, he posted a bulletin saying he was feeling things he'd never felt before. I replied, jokingly, and said I hoped he had finally realized we were meant to be together.

Long story short, and since the time of Thanksgiving, he has basically told me that he likes me. He's never had feelings for a guy before, and he likes me. He's not strong enough to be open about it, meaning we can't have anything. He also likes one of my best friends, a girl. He can be open with her. He's telling me all of these things about how he wishes he could be with me, and how he thinks about it all the time. But then I see him kissing her, and hugging her, and being with her I can't say anything about it. Because I'm the only one who knows about us. It hurts so bad to see the guy that I love, and who might actually love me back, kissing and loving on someone else.

What should I do? I told him that he needed to go ahead an ask her out because she likes him and he likes her. He said no. I told him that I would leave the picture if I needed to. He told me he didn't want me to leave..

I just really don't know where to go from here. He wants to kiss me and I want to kiss him, and I will. But how can I keep hoping and falling for this guy, when I know there is no possibility of a relationship? And also the fact that in 6 months, we'll be graduated and on our seperate paths.

Im at a loss. I love him. I want him. But I can't have him.

Sigh.

Help?

Yes. He says he's never felt this way before. These are his exact words in regards to the girl:

"She's awesome, and I'm not going to lie. I like her. But here's the problem...I like you too."

And we live in rural Georgia, where it's not ok to be gay, or bi. And he's such a ladies man, he's afraid that if anything gets out, he'll be ruined for life.

When I told him to ask her out, he said "No..it would be wrong."

But he sits and tells her that they'll be together soon. She's expecting it to happen, and I hate seeing her waitng for something, when all the same time he's telling me he isn't going to. That's why I was going to just leave the picture, so they could be together. But he doesn't want me to leave. I don't want to leave either, but if I know there's no chance in hell in having a relationship, why should I stop the only plausible outcome from happening? But he told me not to leave...

And that's exactly what he says. That he is utterly, profoundly confused. And I believe him..

Lachlan wrote:

Invite him over to your house, make sure your parents are gone, and the two of you can kiss and fuck and have all the fun you want

Haha. That would be a dream come true.

Thanks to everone else, as well. This is what I need. Outside help, because I can't talk to anyone at school about this..

DeamonD: That's what I had originally intended on doing. I told him that I was going crazy, and yes, literally crying myself to sleep everynight. And then again, he told me to wait on him. And I can't help but thinking about what he may be telling her. I know he hasnt said anything about me inparticular, but she's my best friend so she tells me every little update between them. So I have to be happy for her. And that's what hurts the most, having to sit there and smile everytime she says his name. She shows me the messages that says he's "tying up loose ends and taking care of some things." So I don't know.

Kase: Thank you for your responce as well. When I first realized I was falling for him, I never in a million years would have thought he had/is having bisexual tendencies. I never dreamed there would even be a remote chance, and that's what's making harder to walk away. I've gotten this far with him, why not just ride it out and see what happens?

I don't know. I want to get over him, but I know that if I have to walk into school everyday and see his face, I can't. But at the same time I want to just remain in the shadows, kiss him every once in a while, and be thankful that I've got what I have..

Hey guys, sorry it's been a while I'm working on a college audition and things have been kind of crazy. But I thought I would update you all:)

First off, thanks for all of your responces!! It has really helped me.

Since my last post, not too much has happened. Except for one thing.

The other night at rehearsal for our new show, it was pretty much decided we were going to kiss. He knew it, I knew it, we knew when...it was going to happen. All night he had been saying things like "im nervous, but excited", and other things to indicate he was going to go through with it.

Time comes: he's not there. I recieve a text..: "I'm too scared".

I was pretty upset that night. He knew it. He apologized over and over, and said he didn't know why he chickened out. I basically told him that I was done trying to make things happen, and that "from now on, nothing is going to happen until you initiate it, because that way i'll know for damn sure it's what you want."

Since then, we've apologized, i felt as though i had no right to be upset. It's his first time, and if he's even half as nervous as i was, i can understand.

He then said, later in a message:

"i still want to kiss you. we will."

so, at this moment....guess what i'm doing?

...still waiting.

So, that's where we are at this point. I'm honestly tired of it. But I can't walk away.

ScarletPimpernell: No, it wasn't. It was Godspell.

Sillyme: I completely agree. He has gotten better about loving up on her around me, which i sincerely appreciate.

musicgeek: Thank you. Oh, and now he's saying he's going to apply to the same college as me. I don't know if I want him too, unless he confesses his undying love for me, and we can be together.