Basically, I hit rock bottom again... which is why I've been absent from here for so long.
On Monday night I impulsively decided to kill myself, so I grabbed a boning knife from the kitchen and ran outside to find a good place to do the deed.
I tried to be really quiet but my big brother must have heard me leaving because somehow he followed me down the street to the little shopping plaza at the corner, only to find me lying in the middle of the parking lot in a puddle of my own blood. I'd pretty much slashed and stabbed myself all over my chest, stomach and arms and I felt like I was going to pass out.
He was freaking out and he called 911 on his cell phone and before I knew it I was being hauled off to the hospital in an ambulance.
When we arrived in the ER, I was crying and sobbing like crazy because I deeply regretted what I'd just done. And not to mention I was being poked and jabbed like crazy with needles because my veins kept collapsing, and I was bleeding everywhere.
Suddenly I just blacked out. It was the weirdest thing - it was like my mind had an OFF switch and someone had just pressed it.
I woke up to see my mom and dad and brother sitting beside the bed crying. Had no idea how much time had passed, but I found myself to be a complete mess. I had enough stitches to put the Frankenstein monster to shame. There were electrode stickers all over my chest that were wired to these crazy machines. I had two tubes stemming out of my right arm, one that was connected to a bag of water, and one that was connected to a bag of blood, because apparently I lost so much that I had to have a blood transfusion.
I didn't get to go home until Wednesday morning. I felt so sad and I must have apologized to my family millions of times.
Why do I have to be such a moron.
On Monday night I impulsively decided to kill myself, so I grabbed a boning knife from the kitchen and ran outside to find a good place to do the deed.
I tried to be really quiet but my big brother must have heard me leaving because somehow he followed me down the street to the little shopping plaza at the corner, only to find me lying in the middle of the parking lot in a puddle of my own blood. I'd pretty much slashed and stabbed myself all over my chest, stomach and arms and I felt like I was going to pass out.
He was freaking out and he called 911 on his cell phone and before I knew it I was being hauled off to the hospital in an ambulance.
When we arrived in the ER, I was crying and sobbing like crazy because I deeply regretted what I'd just done. And not to mention I was being poked and jabbed like crazy with needles because my veins kept collapsing, and I was bleeding everywhere.
Suddenly I just blacked out. It was the weirdest thing - it was like my mind had an OFF switch and someone had just pressed it.
I woke up to see my mom and dad and brother sitting beside the bed crying. Had no idea how much time had passed, but I found myself to be a complete mess. I had enough stitches to put the Frankenstein monster to shame. There were electrode stickers all over my chest that were wired to these crazy machines. I had two tubes stemming out of my right arm, one that was connected to a bag of water, and one that was connected to a bag of blood, because apparently I lost so much that I had to have a blood transfusion.
I didn't get to go home until Wednesday morning. I felt so sad and I must have apologized to my family millions of times.
Why do I have to be such a moron.
[SIZE=3]-Melanie [SIZE=5]♥[/SIZE][/SIZE]
Hunger hurts but I want it so bad.
Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love
Hunger hurts but I want it so bad.
Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love
