2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to do

    • 2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to do

      Hello Teenhut

      First post here and i wish i could of started under more cheery circumstances but ive been lurking around here and it seems like a good place to ask my question.

      Im not sure if its the same everywhere but in my school we usually hang around in a big group together with all our mates and we're all mates with each other. About 6 or 7 people usually (my closest friends ARE the group kind of thing we've got going ive got more friends than 7 ).

      Anyway two people that ive known for a couple years now are both some of my best friends we'll call them..jack and jill.

      Jack liked jill for a long time, i helped both of them out to get together. Eventually after a year and a bit they got together, hapily ever after. Untill the breakup, i wont go into details why the breakup happened but jill was largely disatisfied due to a misunderstanding (not cheating or anything the guy just said something wrong and it was building up to this)

      Anyway, They broke up.

      Im both one of their best friends. They cant bear being near each other but they both want me to be with them. I cant be in two places at the same time no matter how much i try.

      I would really rather give them equal time but jill hangs around me by default (im fine with this really). So besides the fact that i have to split myself between two people, jill showed me cuts on her arm that she had inflicted on herself. (not near any major arteries or veins or anything.. more on the upper arm..but still enough to inflict pain and suffering)

      Im not really sure at all what to do in this situation, Any advice will be appreciated.

    • Re: 2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to d

      Hey Demiurge,

      If I was you I would do the following:
      -tell them both it's hard for you to be in the middle of it
      -try your best making them friends again, it will be hard yet possible

      You said 'Jill' showed you the cuts on her arm I assume she wants your help to make her stop. Just try and talk to her about it. If she continues to self harm convince her to getting proffesional help.

    • Re: 2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to d

      mainly what CornFlakes said
      talk to them both (a different times) and see if you can get them to be friends, or just accept each others presence
      but be honest with them, tell them some of what you told us
      that you like them both very much as friends, and you can't be in two places at once
      with "Jill", talk to her about what she is doing wit herself, since you are a very good friend to her, she needs you now more than anything
      help her in anyway possible, by talking with her taking her out (a friend outing), or give her methods that she can use instead of cutting, like music, drawing, creative writing, exercise, anything like that
      best of luck to you dude
      [CENTER]

      [/CENTER]

    • Re: 2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to d

      Hello Demiurge,

      To be honest, you should make them both well aware that it is thought to be in the middle of them. You should support them both and not takes sides as you want to keep both friends as friends.

      Talk to Jill about her cutting and the problems that she is facing. Make her aware that she is not alone in this and you want to help her. If you cannot, help her seek professional guidance. Be engaged in her life and take her out to the movies, etc to show that you are supportive and a friend.



      Hope this helps,
      ~ Cat
      You can always contact me via MSN or PM to discuss this privately:
      MSN: [email protected]
      :hugs:

    • Re: 2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to d

      SuperHotFemale wrote:

      Leave her alone. If she is showing you, she wants attention. Dont give it to her or else shell do it more.


      That's rubbish advice. It maybe for attention but you should talk to her before she does something more serious.Tell them not to put oyu in the middle and to try to be cordial when together.

      Can you give us more details about the break up?

      And I hope things get better :)

      The post was edited 1 time, last by tinhead ().

    • Re: 2 Of my mates broke up and one of them is harming themselves...not sure what to d

      I would be frank, and serious about it.

      Id say "You're both my friends, but I honestly don't want to be in the middle of the drama. I don't particularly support one side over the other, but I just wish that this BS would just stop. Jesus fucking christ, I have enough problems already."

      Well not really, but.

      Seriously though, sometimes it's best to just tell them what they need to hear and not what they want to hear. Most of the time, these people who are just out of a breakup just begs for attention, and you just have to give them a light slap in the face (figuratively), to help them get their bearings back.