Ok..so I've been searching around for a way to anonymously get some advice on something that happened to me a few days ago..and this seems like it'd be a good place to do it..
to start, I have nothing against gays and I'm not homophobic..
but this weekend, saturday night more specifically, I went to a friend of mine's birthday party..
I had a lot of beer..probably at least 9 or 10 [as far as I can remember]..and I had a drink called "adios motherfxcker" [it really holds true to it's name]
and one of the last things I remember is all of us getting into the jacuzzi, and a girl that I had been interested in totally blowing me off and hooking up with some other guy..
now, in our circle of friends..we have this guy who is gay, and very out of the closet..
I'm cool with him, although he always comes on to me..and I've had to tell him countless times to be more respectful that I'm not gay..
but on this particular night, I ended up alone in the jacuzzi with him and another guy friend of mine [who is also straight]
and all I can remember is that he left for some reason..
and the gay friend of mine started touching me and trying to grab my junk..and I just kept laughing and pushing him away..[ I don't know why I didn't react differently to that..feel like a moron..]
anyway..
so the other kid never came back..and it ended up just being him and I alone..
I remember him asking me to show him my junk..over and over..almost begging me..
for some reason, I thought it was funny..I was laughing at everything that night..idk why..
when I drink, I get extremely carefree..I just want to laugh and be happy..
as a joke.. I showed him my junk... that's something I KNOW I would of never done sober..I don't know WHY I did it that night..regardless of the alcohol..I regret it..
anyway.. so as I showed it to him, he asked if he could touch it..blah blah blah..just typical requests from a horny gay guy I guess..
and yea.. I don't remember what I said to him after that..I think I just pulled me shorts back up and sat back down..
but I remember him telling me that him and the guy who had been in the jacuzzi with us earlier [john] had let him give him a blowjob earlier that night..
and he swore by it..and he started telling me about all of these other guy friends of mine who he had sucked off before..but I know that these guys arent gay..or at least I thought I knew..
anway..
so he kept giving me these wild stories..and, I don't know WHY..or HOW he convinced me..but I let him suck me off..
and I regret it SO much..
I feel ashamed of myself..and I have been extremely depressed since it happened..
the next morning I couldn't even look at him..and I haven't even had the nerve to tell him not to tell anyone..
I don't know what to do..
I've always had this weird curiousity towards other guy friends of mine..
I've never wanted to confront myself about it..or even act upon these feelings..
but I KNOW I'm not gay..
I mean, I think I do..
I would never want to take one up the a** or give it up the a**
It's just not who I am..
but I've always been the kind of guy who peeks in the locker rooms..or wonders if the guy next to me is bigger than me..
I feel disgusted with myself..and I'm wondering at this point, from a 3rd party view, what other's opinion might be on this..
am I gay?
am I bi?
I don't want to be either..
but I can't keep denying this sexual curiosity I have for other men..
give me an honest opinion..I'd appreciate it greatly..
thanks.
-annonymous
to start, I have nothing against gays and I'm not homophobic..
but this weekend, saturday night more specifically, I went to a friend of mine's birthday party..
I had a lot of beer..probably at least 9 or 10 [as far as I can remember]..and I had a drink called "adios motherfxcker" [it really holds true to it's name]
and one of the last things I remember is all of us getting into the jacuzzi, and a girl that I had been interested in totally blowing me off and hooking up with some other guy..
now, in our circle of friends..we have this guy who is gay, and very out of the closet..
I'm cool with him, although he always comes on to me..and I've had to tell him countless times to be more respectful that I'm not gay..
but on this particular night, I ended up alone in the jacuzzi with him and another guy friend of mine [who is also straight]
and all I can remember is that he left for some reason..
and the gay friend of mine started touching me and trying to grab my junk..and I just kept laughing and pushing him away..[ I don't know why I didn't react differently to that..feel like a moron..]
anyway..
so the other kid never came back..and it ended up just being him and I alone..
I remember him asking me to show him my junk..over and over..almost begging me..
for some reason, I thought it was funny..I was laughing at everything that night..idk why..
when I drink, I get extremely carefree..I just want to laugh and be happy..
as a joke.. I showed him my junk... that's something I KNOW I would of never done sober..I don't know WHY I did it that night..regardless of the alcohol..I regret it..
anyway.. so as I showed it to him, he asked if he could touch it..blah blah blah..just typical requests from a horny gay guy I guess..
and yea.. I don't remember what I said to him after that..I think I just pulled me shorts back up and sat back down..
but I remember him telling me that him and the guy who had been in the jacuzzi with us earlier [john] had let him give him a blowjob earlier that night..
and he swore by it..and he started telling me about all of these other guy friends of mine who he had sucked off before..but I know that these guys arent gay..or at least I thought I knew..
anway..
so he kept giving me these wild stories..and, I don't know WHY..or HOW he convinced me..but I let him suck me off..
and I regret it SO much..
I feel ashamed of myself..and I have been extremely depressed since it happened..
the next morning I couldn't even look at him..and I haven't even had the nerve to tell him not to tell anyone..
I don't know what to do..
I've always had this weird curiousity towards other guy friends of mine..
I've never wanted to confront myself about it..or even act upon these feelings..
but I KNOW I'm not gay..
I mean, I think I do..
I would never want to take one up the a** or give it up the a**
It's just not who I am..
but I've always been the kind of guy who peeks in the locker rooms..or wonders if the guy next to me is bigger than me..
I feel disgusted with myself..and I'm wondering at this point, from a 3rd party view, what other's opinion might be on this..
am I gay?
am I bi?
I don't want to be either..
but I can't keep denying this sexual curiosity I have for other men..
give me an honest opinion..I'd appreciate it greatly..
thanks.
-annonymous