Re: ..

Nymphetamine_Girl · Jul 6th 2009, 11:46pm

I've no doubt these kinds of things get said every single day, but I don't care. This is my way of asking for some type of advice, maybe even encouragement on continuing with life.

Since the time I was really young, I've always been depressed. I nearly killed myself when I was eleven, and since that time I've battled my depression and anxiety every day of my life. It's a constand battle, and a lot of the time I feel like giving in. The last time I felt happy was a few summers ago when I was on my anti-anxiety medication which also served to help my depression. I was taken off a few weeks before the school year started because I had a suicidal thought. Now I am in therapy, going every Friday, and I've been getting more and more depressed. I don't show it though, because my family has so many more important things to worry about. My great grandmother had a stroke back in January, the day after my birthday, and has since moved in with my grandmother and grandfather. Now my family is fixing her house up to move into, and it has taken up most of our lives since about February. This house has to get done, because we have put so much money into it, so that's why I don't feel I can burden my parents with my trivial issues. After all, the house is more important than how I feel.

Another part of me not telling anyone is that I don't want my freedom taken away. The last time I told my mom I was suicidal, my therapist told my mom that I couldn't be left home alone and I really hate that. I like being able to be home alone sometimes because then I can just do what I want and not worry about getting on my parents nerves and not worry about having to deal with my little brother. I get left home alone quite a lot these days, or at least be left at home watching my little brother (who is ten years old). If I told them how I was feeling, I would get my freedom taken away again. Plus every time I tell my mom, she gets this pained look on her face like she blames herself for me feeling this way, and it kills me to see that look. I hate seeing her sad like that, so I think it's better that I just pretend I'm happy and not feeling this way. At least then she can have some sort of peace of mind, right?

Anyways, the point is I can't really tell anyone in real life how I feel because it would just burden them and I don't want to do that. There are so many things more important than how I feel that I don't want to burden anyone with the knowledge that those dark thoughts have once again entered my mind. If anyone has any words of advice, encouragement or anything at all I'd be more than glad to hear them. Thanks.

Stjowa · Jul 6th 2009, 11:53pm

Your parent care. You can tell they care because your mother looked like she blames herself. But just try to have a good outlook on life. Try talking to friends.... or people on here like you are. We are always here to help you whenever you need it. Just try to get out of the house. Yesterday I got out of the house and I was sooooo happy! It was amazing! Just try that.

Nymphetamine_Girl · Jul 6th 2009, 11:56pm

It's hard to get out of the house when it's blazing hot outside. I'm talking temperatures in the upper 90's and, for the past couple of days, lowers 100's.

Stjowa · Jul 6th 2009, 11:58pm

Wow... Go someone out of the house but inside like an arcade or a dance or a friends house. I went to the park near night so it was cooling off. My girlfriend and I saw a blue heron and we watched it walk around and watched the waterfall. It was so nice. Enough to cheer the saddest person up

DareToDream · Jul 7th 2009, 12:04am

Don't ever feel like your depression isn't as important as the things going on with your family. Your well-being is something they do care about. Your mom sounds concerned. It's better that you're honest about how you feel so she can help you. Let her know it's not her fault, but you can't really help feeling this way.

Pretending you're happy gets tiring. If you want to get better, you need to remember that you're worth a lot to your loved ones and deserve the help.

zapfox · Jul 7th 2009, 12:18am

Hello

I usually don't give advice, but your post caught my attention.
I think the first step is to realize that you are important. Just like stjowa said, your mother shows her concern on her face. This "pained look" you describe shows that she is genuinely worried about you. Pretending to be happy is not the best choice, because I'm sure your family would like you to feel real happiness. As for your freedom, I think that your family isn't as concerned with causing you unhappiness as they are with protecting you. Parents have a way of frustrating kids (trust me, I know) but they only do it because they care.

I guess my main point is that you are not a burden. You are just as important as anyone else. Look: I don't even know you personally, and I still think that you deserve to be happy and to live a full life. From what you've said, I think your family would agree. I'm not going to tell you what to do; I don't have the right to do that. But I encourage you to speak out. Talk to someone. It really doesn't have to be family, if that's what you prefer.

Oh, and don't forget that you have us on TeenHut too!

Jamelae · Jul 7th 2009, 4:42am

^I agree with all of them

but let me share my thoughts :o

uhm, i know that you are going through a hard time.But dont let it conquer your entire self, fight with it. You're feelings are as important as your whole being so dont ever feel like there's much more important things than you coz definitely you are important. YOu may seek help from people but you are the one who could entirely help you. Start feeling good about yourself and life . LIfe is beautiful, and the world is right here waiting for your smile . I always believe in the power of prayers and that divine intervention mixed up with willingness can help you cope with the problems you have.
Enjoy life, have fun, go to school, study hard, hang out with friends, fall in love like you've never get hurt before, love your family and share special moments with them. Do not wallow on the neagtive vibes that you have. Coz you definitely deserve a better happy life.
(just in my humble opinion)

i hope everyhting will get better soon :hugs:

take care and Godbless you and your family always

harvey · Jul 7th 2009, 6:53am

well personly i think you and only you can get yourself out of your depression. of course it will be easyer if you hav freinds to talk to and offer you help.

if you ever need to talk [email protected]

:jmp:

Nymphetamine_Girl · Jul 7th 2009, 4:30pm

Thanks you guys, really. I thought about all of this a lot last night, and I came to the conclusion that it would most likely be best to tell my mom about everything. Because I remember the last time I told her she said she was glad that I did, because that meant that I was willing to get help and not just try to hide it or pretend it didn't exist. Kinda like I'm doing now. I'm still worried about the strains this will put on my family because I know she and my dad go through a lot worrying about me and my depression, but maybe this time I can get something done and fight this battle more effectively. Maybe get back onto some medication to help out, but even if not I still want to fight and win.

Again, thank you all for your words of advice and support. I think I'm going to like it here at Teen Hut. It seems like there are lotsa nice people here. Hope ya'll have a good day, or evening, or whatever time it is. Peace!

DareToDream · Jul 7th 2009, 4:38pm

That's the right attitude.

harvey · Jul 7th 2009, 9:22pm

wow go you. i think you are brave to tell your parents i never could

:jmp:

Nymphetamine_Girl · Jul 9th 2009, 4:12am

I told my mom last night. She thinks it might have been brought on because of the migrane medication I'm on, but she still plans on talking to my therapist with me about it. Maybe I'll get put back on some medication this time. I'm kidna hoping I do, because I remember how good I felt the last time I was on my medication. I was actually............happy. I wanna feel that way again.

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