Quick Rant- Please Read!

Clear_Midnight · Jul 22nd 2009, 7:56pm

So my mom saw the scars on my arm and she was MAD. She said why are you doing that? You have no problems you arrogant child. First of all I DO have problems, otherwise I would not do that! Second of all how the heck am I arrogant? My self- esteem is lower than ever. No one notices me, they say I'm quiet and stuff kick, hit and bullying me at school . I know I'm quiet but after a while, it starts to hurt when you say it every 5 seconds.

My mom said stop making talking look so hard, you're just lazy. I never heard of a laziness like that before, have you? I diagnosed myself with Social Anxiety, and Depression. My mom laughed and said it was CUTE. What the hell? How the hell is that cute, ever?!

I was crying during the school year and my mom turned on the light. She ran over to my dad and said , "look your daughter is crying!" and started to laugh. So I went in the bathroom and she said," you're just going to cry more?" and started to laugh. Everything flooded over me when she said that. Being bullied at school, being noticed by no one, unless they were making fun of me, molestation when I was 8, being bullied by my mom, when I was 6 my dad said he hated me when he thought I wasn't listening.

I had a horrible mental breakdown, I stated crying and got in this fetal position, and was actually rocking back and forth. She was still yelling. I dissociated myself but the only thing I can remember was her saying:
"you're going to be one of those stupid suicidial people who kill themselves because they're so damn crazy! Go to hell I don't care." Then she started talking about me with my dad, saying I'm so arrogant. Where did that come from?!

Well the only one who cares is my dog, he stayed with me the whole time, licking my face, crying when I cried, laying beside me staring at me with those sad puppy eyes, when I was with him, I realized something. He's the only one who cares about me truly in my family, he's my family, I couldn't bear a day without him.

I'm crying as I type, I need help seriously. I think about what she said at lest twice a day, I dream about every night, or it appears in a dream I have. I'll die the day my dog Bandit does, because then I would have no will.

Thank you.

What is wrong with me?

Niko · Jul 22nd 2009, 8:21pm

My stepmom went nuts when she saw mine.. Mine is different cause my dad well ain't so great... got to tell you I can't get a date cause of my scars that I hide.... I'm sad all the time yet my dad, halfbrother and step mom don['t seem to notice...

---------- Post added at 12:51 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:48 AM ----------

nothings wrong with you, you just have a different way of dealing with pain like me... I never wanted to kill myself but I was blamed for so many things I just wanted to stop feeling so numb...

Saradactyl · Jul 22nd 2009, 8:22pm

My mother did the same thing when she found out I was cutting about 5 years ago. The reason she did that though was because she doesn't want to admit that something is wrong with her daughter. She might just not know how to take it, which on the flip side means that it won't be best to approach her about this situation. I haven't heard much about your dad, so I suggest that maybe you try and talk to him about your issues. Try asking him if you could go see a therapist.

Also, cutting isn't going to help you situation.. just hurt it. You need to replace it with something else. At first it may seem unfulfilling, but if you stick with the other outlet you will be able to make it into a habit in place of your cutting. You need to stop cutting now though, because it will soon build up til when it won't even seem like it is helping anymore.

You need to try and stand up for yourself when people bully you, if you keep sitting there and taking what they say then they will continue to do so.

ames · Jul 22nd 2009, 8:30pm

OMG!! That is a horrible situation

I have never met anyone or knew anyone that would have to go through anything like that. It seems that your mom and dad definitely have issues and they take it out on you. Don't be afraid to get help! Tell a school counselor, tell a friends parents, get help from a social worker! You shouldn't have to suffer through mental and physical abuse not to mention molestation. No one should have to go through that! Don't think that your helpless, its your parents that are crazy! You need to get help and be taken away from such a horrible environment :cries:

Clear_Midnight · Jul 23rd 2009, 3:51am

Thanks guys. My mom stated ranting again...but this time she said: you can tell me anything.

I'M NOT, I'll wait to high school and find a really good friend to tell...
I have freinds with problems, she says "bless their heart!" for me she'll said "you don't have problems, I'll send you to rehab, and you're ARROGANT" D:

She doesn't ask like most parents: What's wrong? You seem sad today
My mom: Stop trying to maniplulate me!

I also started to dissociate which is bad...I can't consintrate for even five minutes...like AD/HD
She belives that anyone who hasn't been raped shouldn't complain, and you're phony.
She also belives every gay person in the world was raped. EVERYONE. D: She says "Bless their heart!"

.....sigh

Saradactyl · Jul 23rd 2009, 4:50am

Clear_Midnight wrote:

Thanks guys. My mom stated ranting again...but this time she said: you can tell me anything.

I'M NOT, I'll wait to high school and find a really good friend to tell...
I have freinds with problems, she says "bless their heart!" for me she'll said "you don't have problems, I'll send you to rehab, and you're ARROGANT" D:

She doesn't ask like most parents: What's wrong? You seem sad today
My mom: Stop trying to maniplulate me!

I also started to dissociate which is bad...I can't consintrate for even five minutes...like AD/HD
She belives that anyone who hasn't been raped shouldn't complain, and you're phony.
She also belives every gay person in the world was raped. EVERYONE. D: She says "Bless their heart!"

.....sigh

Wow. Our mothers really do sound similar. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be hurtful, she just doesn't know how to handle situations.. she does care about you I am sure, she just isn't good at showing it. Of course, that isn't an excuse for her saying those things to you.

Clear_Midnight · Jul 23rd 2009, 5:22am

Saradactyl wrote:

Wow. Our mothers really do sound similar. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be hurtful, she just doesn't know how to handle situations.. she does care about you I am sure, she just isn't good at showing it. Of course, that isn't an excuse for her saying those things to you.

Thanks. I still feel really confused. I can't do the stuff I really want to do, she says its "butch lesbian stuff", and she hates lesbians with a passion. IRL, really like your normal tomboy. Makes me wear jewelry (D:), shopping (D: no!), and other stuff I hate. I'm a lesbian, but if I told her, I'd just be another homeless gay youth, therapy, rehab, or worse.

Soap · Jul 24th 2009, 2:29pm

really, i cant begin to imagine how you feel, ive read you're other thread too

and i thought i had problems in school, maybe i did, and they sometimes still haunt me.

like other people said, she doesnt know how to help you, and shes in denial that you've got problems.

the first stage is denial, then there's acceptance, you just wait for that

you've got to tell someone that you most likely trust, EVERYTHING, someone you know understands you and wont judge you just by what you're telling

also i found out that it helps alot, if you stop caring about what others think about you, it may be hard, you wont accomplish it over night, but it might help.

another thing that might help you get all over this is somekind of out-side school activites, like a reading club or something, some humanitary work, i dont know what suits you best
for me it was scouting, gave me the opportunity to meet people as kind as caring as i am, and i love it, and it helped me get over my issues with trust and with generally other people

im telling you, find your self a group of friends, if not from school, you can engage you're self in these kinds of activities

if you want ill give you my msn and we'll talk, i've got lots of free time and i'd want to help you get over this if you need someone to talk to from time to time

Tenris · Jul 24th 2009, 6:06pm

Hi

This is a very sensitive subject. I went through a very similar thing too. I told my mother a few weeks back about my cutting and she totally blew up. I told her because I wanted someone to be there for me when I was sorting my depression out, but she just made things ten times worse.

As Sarah has already said, it's probably because your mother doesn't know how to handle this sort of situation. She doesn't know how much it hurts you to be the way you are, and this is the only way she can think of to react. She may be scared that she has failed in bringing you up and helping you grow, she could be ashamed of herself or the way she has treated you, and has retreated behind a barrier to stop herself from being down too.

Sometimes it takes a while for people to see exactly what they are doing wrong and really take into account what is happening. She loves you, don't you ever forget that, and so does your father. They just don't know what to do. Give it time hun, they should come round. If not, then perhaps it's best just to stay away from them, and when you're feeling emotional, just to stay alone and out of their way.

You should also see someone about your depression. It really does help to spill your heart out to someone and let them really know what's going on in your life, so don't be scared to find a therapist or even just a counsillor at school. They help more than you would think. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone face to face, then there are support leaders on this site like myself who are happy to listen

If you do need help from us, feel free to sent my a private message, or add my msn:
[email protected]

I hope this helped, and good luck

Saradactyl · Jul 24th 2009, 7:55pm

Clear_Midnight wrote:

Thanks. I still feel really confused. I can't do the stuff I really want to do, she says its "butch lesbian stuff", and she hates lesbians with a passion. IRL, really like your normal tomboy. Makes me wear jewelry (D:), shopping (D: no!), and other stuff I hate. I'm a lesbian, but if I told her, I'd just be another homeless gay youth, therapy, rehab, or worse.

My mother has done and still tries to do that to me. I explained to her in a calm fashion that just isn't me. It may take her a while to understand that she cannot control who you are and just let her be you, so you might need a bit of patience. Remember though, the key is to talk to her CALMLY. If you talk to her in an adult like fashion she is more likely to listen to you rather than if you were to snap at her or cry about it.

Tenris · Jul 24th 2009, 9:01pm

^ agreed. Easy does it, do it calmly or it'll be worse. Sarah always gives great advice, so
pay attention lol

Saradactyl · Jul 26th 2009, 1:08am

You make me blush. :o

You give great advice too.

connzyy · Jul 27th 2009, 2:54am

I hate to say it.
But I believe you're way to young for this.
Do not self diagnose yourself.
You're just feeding the anxiety.
I also have/had problems with social anxiety so I'll speak from experience.
You say nobody notices you?
Stand up for yourself.
Get noticed.
Do things nobody would expect you to do.
The only way you will ever beat anxiety, is to do the exact opposite.
Never cut yourself, it can be a psychological addiction.
Easier said than done ofcourse.
You have definately got the right idea though, focus on the future.
I ASSURE you, you will meet friends in highschool.
Everything changes once you hit highschool, do things for you, live your own life.
Don't worry about what people think.
If people are judging you, you might as well feel confident about yourself.
Because regaurdless, they're not going to change.
So if people are going to pick on you regaurdless, do whatever you want.
Minus the cutting.
Do whatever makes you happy!
It may seem hard now.
But if you have self esteem problems.
Best advice is to join a gym, start jogging, exercising.
you will greatly benefit

hope I somewhat helped you out.
Don't feed the anxiety, face it

Shute · Jul 27th 2009, 8:07am

Oh man... my life has always been not so bad, all things considered. And yet I have always subscribed to the belief that humanity, as a whole, just plain sucks...

There is no reason anyone should be treating you as such. It is ridiculous and just plain unfair. You seem like a pretty nice person to me, so there is just no reason for any of that. Quite frankly, it kind of pisses me off that people can be like that. I mean... of course they can... but why?

I know you are asking for advice and not sympathy, but I really don't have much advice for ya. If I were you I think I would have just plain shut down a while ago. I think that says a lot for your character, at least, to me it does.

All I can say is... screw 'em. Screw 'em all.

Heather · Jul 27th 2009, 8:16am

Well, my mom never knew that I cut. Nobody in my family knew. But I would call my mom sobbing like a baby over everything bad that would happen to me. She would talk me through it, but it was never to the point where she thought I was depressed, but people were noticing the changes in me. They could tell I wasn't okay anymore. So I sat down and talked to one of the girls I worked with. And she told me that she thinks, maybe I should go talk to someone, and see what they have to say. Needless to say, I got put onto Celexa. And after a few weeks of taking it, everything started going better. I started feeling better. I was happier. And it really sank into my mom, that there is something wrong. And she's been there for me ever since. So, maybe what you need to do, is go talk to someone. Or suggest to your mom, that you guys go talk to someone together, so she can be there, and hear everything, and really understand what's going on with you. Maybe things will look up for you. Hope I helped.

Assaultrifle · Jul 27th 2009, 11:32am

Nothing's wrong with you, your mom's just a total b*tch. Try to talk to friends or something about it, or someone else who wouldn't be so ignorant.

Bigsteve · Jul 27th 2009, 3:19pm

connzyy wrote:

I hate to say it.
But I believe you're way to young for this.
Do not self diagnose yourself.
You're just feeding the anxiety.
I also have/had problems with social anxiety so I'll speak from experience.
You say nobody notices you?
Stand up for yourself.
Get noticed.
Do things nobody would expect you to do.
The only way you will ever beat anxiety, is to do the exact opposite.
Never cut yourself, it can be a psychological addiction.
Easier said than done ofcourse.
You have definately got the right idea though, focus on the future.
I ASSURE you, you will meet friends in highschool.
Everything changes once you hit highschool, do things for you, live your own life.
Don't worry about what people think.
If people are judging you, you might as well feel confident about yourself.
Because regaurdless, they're not going to change.
So if people are going to pick on you regaurdless, do whatever you want.
Minus the cutting.
Do whatever makes you happy!
It may seem hard now.
But if you have self esteem problems.
Best advice is to join a gym, start jogging, exercising.
you will greatly benefit
hope I somewhat helped you out.
Don't feed the anxiety, face it

This guy is stating like it is; no bullshit. I like that.

YA-GIRL-BALLIN · Jul 27th 2009, 6:03pm

you need to talk to someone professional, dont let it get on top of you, and try not to cut or hurt yourself as it could make it worse, please dont do anything stupid:(

Quick Rant- Please Read!

Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Clear_Midnight wrote:

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Saradactyl wrote:

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Clear_Midnight wrote:

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

connzyy wrote:

Re: Quick Rant- Please Read!

Share