Advice about talking to my ex-boyfriend.

    • Advice about talking to my ex-boyfriend.

      I'm sorry if this isn' the right place to put this forum.

      I really want to talk to my ex boyfriend. We've been separated for 7 months now. We were real mad when we broke up, but a little later we talked and we dont have any grudges against each other now.

      We just started back to school and I want to talk to him there but im afraid for more than one reason:
      i don't want him to get the impression that i want to be in a relationship with him again
      i have classes with him and my friends and i'm afraid if i say anything to him i will get questioned a lot or vice versa with him and his friends.
      i don't know if he likes someone right now and i don't want him to think im just in the way.
      i'm afraid of what he might say or what his reaction may be when i speak to him. (he may not even want to talk to me)
      i don't want to make a complete fool out of myself, because people say its better to just not talk to your ex's, but i think it's ridiculous, and people from school will probably talk about us or something..
      and lastly, i myself, don't know what to say or do to start a little conversation.

      I'm so bad at seeing other girls and thinking of situations where he meets them and they end up together, so I feel like there isn't any hope for me anymore, even if we are only good friends. Good friends is all I could ever ask for from him. That would be the best thing in the world to get my best friend back and just leave out the bf/gf part.

      If anyone could give me some advice on how I should go along with speaking to him, or if i should even do it at all, i will be forever grateful.

      Oh and thanks for reading this, I would have never had the patience of reading so much!!!

    • Re: Advice about talking to my ex-boyfriend.

      I certainly understand where you are coming from. I'm dating my best friend too, and the risk of losing the most important person in my life is aways a danger, hopefully one that I will never have to actually face.

      The best way to talk to him is just to be brutally frank about it, even if it does feel a little embarassing to be the one to have to approach him first. just tell him that you've been thinking about it for a while and you want to try to be friends again. I don't know if it is necessary for you to make sure he's away that you mean ONLY friends, that's something that you would know better than we would. either way, honesty is almost always the best policy, since it doesn't sound like the two of you are holding grudges anymore about anything, i don't see why he wouldn't be receptive to you wanting to be friends again.

      Some of your concerns are valid, some really aren't. Don't pay attention when people say "you should never talk to your ex's". Just because someone is capable of giving advice doesn't mean they are always capable of giving GOOD advice. This is a case by case thing. If you think there is a chance you can be friends with him again, don't miss the opportunity to try.

      I am curious about one thing though, i kind of get the impression from what you are saying that you might still have some feelings about your ex boyfriend. Is this true?

    • Re: Advice about talking to my ex-boyfriend.

      Jenna wrote:

      I certainly understand where you are coming from. I'm dating my best friend too, and the risk of losing the most important person in my life is aways a danger, hopefully one that I will never have to actually face.


      I am curious about one thing though, i kind of get the impression from what you are saying that you might still have some feelings about your ex boyfriend. Is this true?



      Well, yeah, a little. But he's my first true love. We dated for one and a half years, lol, I don't think I'll ever be able to dislike him.
      But jeez, lol you told me that i should be honest and tell him i want to just be friends. I did that a while ago, but it really hasn't went anywhere. I need to think of some little thing to say to start a conversation with him though, and im really bad at that stuff. Would you know any starters?

    • Re: Advice about talking to my ex-boyfriend.

      I think it's less about finding something in particular to talk about and more just being open and receptive to talking to him. the bad part about your situation is that he probably would like to be friends with you again just as much as you do, but both of you have been through such a bad time that you can't figure out how to cross that gulf that's been made between you. i think you will notice it's easier now, as more and more time passes since you've been together.

      i'm just a little bit worried that you still have a thing for him. that's going to make things difficult for him and for you should he find a new girlfriend. just be careful that you aren't doing the right things for the wrong reason. don't be friends with him again because you want him back, be friends with him because you genuinely want to be friends with him.

    • Re: Advice about talking to my ex-boyfriend.

      Jenna wrote:

      I think it's less about finding something in particular to talk about and more just being open and receptive to talking to him. the bad part about your situation is that he probably would like to be friends with you again just as much as you do, but both of you have been through such a bad time that you can't figure out how to cross that gulf that's been made between you. i think you will notice it's easier now, as more and more time passes since you've been together.

      i'm just a little bit worried that you still have a thing for him. that's going to make things difficult for him and for you should he find a new girlfriend. just be careful that you aren't doing the right things for the wrong reason. don't be friends with him again because you want him back, be friends with him because you genuinely want to be friends with him.


      Whew, gosh, that's some tough words! Im only kidding. But your're right. I don't want to be in that position if he finds another girlfriend. The thought just makes me sad. I guess I should probably wait until all I really want to be is friends. Thanks for your help!!