Collection of Songs- Any constructive criticism?

    • Collection of Songs- Any constructive criticism?

      Since there is no music, just treat them like poems for now:

      1.-

      We weren’t alive, before we died
      See I never got very far,
      It took too long,
      I’m sure I died in my car
      It took to long
      See I never got very far ,
      Once is never enough
      Twice is always too much, and here we are.

      2.-

      What a bright day (pleasegoaway)
      I can’t believe what you are saying-
      Who are you to judge?
      Am I selfish for undoing your decision?/Those who made me be
      Which I had no say in?
      I can’t believe what you are saying-
      Who are you to judge?
      Am I a coward for jumping off the edge of everything we know?
      Remember that baby
      I can’t believe what you are saying-
      Who are you to judge?
      Should have never had children,
      I am righting your wrong, please.
      I can’t make it another day… (I’mgoingfaraway)

      3.-

      Well I thought Id never say this
      But I
      Hope you feel like me
      And I hope you live, a long long time
      I Hope
      you see things like I do
      And I hope you live, a long long time
      Oh, Don’t let the feelings begin
      Stop them before they get to you
      Who can ever really move forward, who doesn’t think of leaving
      Using feelings to stop thoughts, fill up on water before swimming’
      I try and take what I have got
      Go take a shower before swimming’
      Go brush your teeth before breakfast
      I checked out a while ago, you haven’t noticed?
      Yeah I wasn’t here to begin with-
      Everyone’s gone
      Everything’s lost
      And they are coming to get you
      I thought you knew
      I am only trying to raise a family
      Great God, greater grief, I don’t know
      Why do you feel you need to lie
      What if everything catches up on me
      When you say that I am not myself, well maybe you know who I am?
       
       
       
       
       So lets hear it ;)
       
       
       
       
      www.myspace.com/chrisismurdoc
      I am here ^, deep in The Lonesome Crowded West.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    • Re: Collection of Songs- Any constructive criticism?

      I like number 3
      [CENTER][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] [/CENTER]
      [CENTER] Cassie: Do you remember when you rode with me in the ambulance after I tried to kill myself?
      Jal
      : Of course.

      Cassie
      : That's what love feels like.
      [SIZE=4][SIZE=3]
      ♥
      [/SIZE]
      [/SIZE]
      [SIZE=4]I Love You Dylan[/SIZE][SIZE=4] [SIZE=3]♥[/SIZE][/SIZE][SIZE=1]
      [/SIZE]
      [/CENTER]