Communication

    • Communication

      My girlfriend, Emily, is going to the Netherlands next year to study abroad.
      We just yesterday decided to be in a relationship and she told me that she is apprehensive because she knows that she's leaving next year.
      She also confessed that she didn't really want to go, because she made the decision to go when her life wasn't going so great.
      The problem is, however, that she wouldn't dare telling her dad because he had already paid and he was enthusiastic about it.
      I don't want to create any drama but we both want her to stay next year. I feel like bringing up this conversation with her will be bad.
      I think she's going with AFS and I'm sure they have a cancellation/refund policy. I'm also sure that her dad just wants the best for her.
      She already made it clear that she was leaving and that we'd probably have to break up and I already made it clear that I'm prepared to accept what goes my way.
      I also don't want to give her dad the impression that I'm forcing her to stay or anything.
      I'm sure we're both feeling like every minute is a countdown. I really love her and I really want her to stay. If she really wanted to go to the Netherlands that would be different, but she has told me that she didn't really want to go even before our relationship.
      Should I talk to her dad myself? Should I bring this up with her? Should I contact AFS to see if there even is a cancellation policy? (probably should do that first :P)

      Pardon my choppy phrasing and thanks for all help,
      Justin Collier

    • Re: Communication

      Its simple, don't break up.

      Both of you want her to stay for the moment yet this is a wealth of experience for her and its only a single year. I feel it would be a crime to her development to convince her to stay however there is no need to feel that you two should break up. At the moment both of you feel you're going to break up a year from now, but that is the new relationship anxiety. As you come closer and see how important you are to each other you'll see that you'll want to remain together for that year and even longer once she returns.

      You have to remember that there are many adults who deal with relationships where they don't see each other for long periods of time on a regular basis and this is just a fact of life, it doesn't mean you need to break up. Cell phones, email, web cams, instant messaging there are a host of things you can use to remain in contact.
      Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind. ~Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason
      [CENTER]The greatest thing you'll ever learn
      Is just to Love
      And be Loved in return
      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Communication

      couldnt have said it better than alaan myself, im currently in a very similar situation, my gf and i are living two continents away, we met on holidays last year, and she came over to see me for a week or two earlier in the year and we decided to stay seeing each other, and it is tough, cause weeks can go by when we dont even get to talk, but if you love as you say you do, you will do it for her, does she want to go???? i understand the money side of it, but if she wants to do it then you have to respect that, just because you are not going to be together does not mean you have to break up, like you can go out there for a week or so here and there, she may be able to come home, skype is brilliant, and that year will be something she will cherish that time in the netherlands, its a once and a lifetime opportunity,
      you should have a talk with her, and explain how you feel, listen to how she feels, talk about the possibility of a long-distance relationship, try and make it work!! if you want it to be then it will be!! best of luck with it

    • Re: Communication

      I realize that if she wanted to go I would respect her wishes. I don't want to force her to do anything. But the problem is she told me that she didn't really want to go. She told me that she wouldn't dare tell her father because he just spent $12,000 on it. She has made commitments that she doesn't want to break. But the she doesn't want to go on the actual trip. She made the choice to go when her life wasn't good. But she told me recently it has improved and that she doesn't need to get away anymore. I don't want to seem like I am trying to control her life for my selfish reasons. I know that if I pursue this further with her parents it would seem that way. I know that I am going to try a long distance relationship if she ends up going, but she told me yesterday that she didn't want to ruin my senior year. I told her that I would just wait and see what would happen and that I am prepared for anything.

      Thanks for the help,
      ~JNCR

    • Re: Communication

      I stand by what I said. She would regret it later in life if she didn't take this opportunity and you should encourage her to enjoy the possibilities in front of her so she doesn't resent or think poorly what will be a very good thing for her.
      Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind. ~Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason
      [CENTER]The greatest thing you'll ever learn
      Is just to Love
      And be Loved in return
      [/CENTER]

    • Re: Communication

      I agree. I'll just keep going as it is and see what happens. I'll try my hardest to keep up a long distance relationship. I don't think she thinks it will work but it's only for a year. I'll talk to her and see what she thinks. Last time she talked to me about it she said that she didn't want to ruin my senior year. I don't want to ruin hers either and I think you can be happy in a long distance relationship. Thanks.

      ~JNCR

    • Re: Communication

      jncr wrote:

      I realize that if she wanted to go I would respect her wishes. I don't want to force her to do anything. But the problem is she told me that she didn't really want to go. She told me that she wouldn't dare tell her father because he just spent $12,000 on it. She has made commitments that she doesn't want to break. But the she doesn't want to go on the actual trip. She made the choice to go when her life wasn't good. But she told me recently it has improved and that she doesn't need to get away anymore. I don't want to seem like I am trying to control her life for my selfish reasons. I know that if I pursue this further with her parents it would seem that way. I know that I am going to try a long distance relationship if she ends up going, but she told me yesterday that she didn't want to ruin my senior year. I told her that I would just wait and see what would happen and that I am prepared for anything.

      Thanks for the help,
      ~JNCR


      Of course she would say that she doesn't want to go to the trip. You would've said the same thing to your girlfriend in that situation. There is no reason to breakup, tell her that you are a man and you can do well in your senior year. If she cares about you that much, why don't you show some care and encourage her? She really needs your support. Make these the best moments that she can remember. Love will grow stronger, I promise you that. There are fun things you can do over long distance relationships, try them out. Oh yea... and her dad will like to see you encouraging her. :wink: